The Mental Health Thread

[Simon Waterfall Syman84]

Friendly check in on world mental health day. Hope you are all doing OK. 

[Ian Kinder (Bagpuss) - Joint Peak District AO]

Thanks Si. hope all is good with you too?

 

[TAFKARM]

I cried at Demolition Man this morning, so not fantastic! 

[DonPeffers]

Anyone in contact with Jude to check how she is doing?

[Onliest Smeg David]

Pooh woke up that morning, and, for reasons that he didn't entirely understand, couldn't stop the tears from coming. He sat there in bed, his little body shaking, and he cried, and cried, and cried.

Amidst his sobs, the phone rang. 

It was Piglet.

"Oh Piglet," said Pooh, between sobs, in response to his friend's gentle enquiry as to how he was doing. "I just feel so Sad. So, so, Sad, almost like I might not ever be happy again. And I know that I shouldn't be feeling like this. I know there are so many people who have it worse off than me, and so I really have no right to be crying, with my lovely house, and my lovely garden, and the lovely woods all around me. But oh, Piglet: I am just SO Sad."

Piglet was silent for a while, as Pooh's ragged sobbing filled the space between them. Then, as the sobs turned to gasps, he said, kindly: "You know, it isn't a competition."

"What isn't a competition?" asked a confused sounding Pooh.

"Sadness. Fear. Grief," said Piglet. "It's a mistake we often make, all of us. To think that, because there are people who are worse off than us, that that somehow invalidates how we are feeling. But that simply isn't true. You have as much right to feel unhappy as the next person; and, Pooh - and this is the really important bit - you also have just as much right to get the help that you need."

"Help? What help?" asked Pooh. "I don't need help, Piglet.

"Do I?"

Pooh and Piglet talked for a long time, and Piglet suggested to Pooh some people that he might be able to call to talk to, because when you are feeling Sad, one of the most important things is not to let all of the Sad become trapped inside you, but instead to make sure that you have someone who can help you, who can talk through with you how the Sad is making you feeling, and some of the things that might be able to be done to support you with that.

What's more, Piglet reminded Pooh that this support is there for absolutely everyone, that there isn't a minimum level of Sad that you have to be feeling before you qualify to speak to someone.

Finally, Piglet asked Pooh to open his window and look up at the sky, and Pooh did so.

"You see that sky?" Piglet asked his friend. "Do you see the blues and the golds and that big fluffy cloud that looks like a sheep eating a carrot?"

Pooh looked, and he could indeed see the blues and the golds and the big fluffy cloud that looked like a sheep eating a carrot.

"You and I," continued Piglet, "we are both under that same sky. And so, whenever the Sad comes, I want you to look up at that sky, and know that, however far apart we might be physically...we are also, at the same time, together. Perhaps, more together than we have ever been before."

"Do you think this will ever end?" asked Pooh in a small voice.

"This too shall pass," confirmed Piglet. "And I promise you, one day, you and I shall once again sit together, close enough to touch, sharing a little smackerel of something...under that blue gold sky."

We all need a piglet in our lives.

[TomW]

As a lot of us are facing lockdown 2 and some people might be struggling with it, I thought as one of the quietest members of the community that I should write in this post because it feels relevant to me.  I often want to reply to threads and be more active but often just lack to confidence to type anything and I feel I want to explain by sharing with you all.

 

Where would I begin to even start, I'm sorry for droning on but maybe me, sitting here typing this may one day help.  I hope someone will actually be interested enough to read this and that this part of my life that I'm going to share will help someone else who feels like I do.  I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder quite a long time ago 15 years ish now,  I actually was assigned an amazing psychiatrist that quickly found me some medication that kept me balanced out and thought that was it.

 

I guess for me all the trouble started when I met someone who changed my world totally.  We'd met through work, she'd just come out of another relationship and what both of us didn't know when we did meet was that she'd just fallen pregnant with her ex's child.  So I stayed with her I adored her and nothing would take me away from her, I helped her to make her pregnancy as comfortable as possible, helped her raise the little boy and treated him like my own.  Things were really difficult but we found a way or I thought we were, my work meant I was in London most days and living in Essex on weekdays and our place was near the Welsh border, 3.5 hours in the car each way.  

 

A bit further down the line my mum collapsed one evening,  she was rushed to hospital and had suffered a massive hemorrhage type stroke,  the doctors put her chance of survival at 10% and scarily her chance of surviving without major disabilities at 3%.  A month into this my Girlfriend decided she'd be better off without me and ended our relationship, but she wouldn't fully let me go. Between her and all what was going on with my mum I became exhausted,  my average day with work included became a 20 hour day after I'd gone to see mum and I certainly couldn't give my girlfriend the time I needed to. So I moved back in permanently to my parents and nearly exactly 2 years to the day my mum got sick, she came back home!.  She made fantastic progress and became one of the 3% of cases that made a good recovery.  She still needs a mobility scooter to go any real distances but truly a miracle how well she's done.

 

So after a rough few years I decided to start chasing my dreams in life,  I felt I'd given up a lot in life to help my mum so it was time to enjoy life,  I ordered the westie to fulfil a childhood dream! One of the dreams of mine was ever since it launched was to go on a specific cruise ship.  Independence of the Seas,  It was home porting in the UK so I took the bull by the horns and booked my entire family aboard for 2 weeks to explore the med.  It was a really special time however all I could think about was having my ex and the little man with me.  I was there, lucky enough to live my dream, yet I hated every minute of it because it all felt empty.

 

We then went to Russia on another cruise this time following one of my mums dreams, and once again the huge hole of the pair of them dominated everything.  Once again I felt totally empty and alone in a void. 

 

As time has gone on,  the emptiness stays it never goes, the more empty things feel the less I feel able to talk about things.  I can be pretty good at hiding my emotions to most people.  I got back in touch with the ex because my boss told me she was in a spot of trouble,  she sends me pictures of the not so little man now,  I even got to see a video of his school assembly, and I'm so incredibly proud of him but that's overwhelmed by the huge amount of guilt I feel for not being there for him over the years.  I wanted to be but she wouldn't let me be there and its difficult because no matter how much I wish I am I'm not his dad. It's broken me to just know he'll never really know me or who I am.

 

Life to me has seemed to evolve into a struggle everyday between two massive forces of wanting the emptiness to stop and ending it and the will to keep on going. So I just try to keep things in balance,  even right now the westie just seems like a mistake, it failed its IVA because of emissions and brake balance, just feels like the end of the world.  Hopefully I've fixed it to get it through its retest but I don't feel confident in myself at all.  Just emptiness and a lack of anything inside.

 

Anyways if anyone has read this thank you for taking the time, I wish I could write more on here and feel more part of the community, most days I don't feel I belong anywhere really and I hope you all understand a bit why I'm so quiet.

 

So if I can ever be a friendly non judgmental ear to anyone then my door will never be closed and I hope everyone is looking after themselves through the new lockdowns as they can be somewhat tough! 

[Ian Kinder (Bagpuss) - Joint Peak District AO]

Hi @TomWwhat a journey and I think you're incredibly brave writing what you have done. 

 

It's fantastic your mum is doing as well as she is! It's equally fantastic how you've found a way to go on the two cruises.

 

Building a car is no average feat and you should be proud of what you've achieved. The two minor set-backs will be overcome and the smile on your face, once registered when you hit the Vtec zone for the first time will be incredible. 

 

No one minds or judges you on your input to the forum, everyone's different, some give lots, some take lots. Just use it as you want!

 

Your kind offer to be an ear to someone may be taken up and you'll find supporting someone that way rewarding.

 

I received a surprise gift yesterday from a Westie friend on here as a thank you for help I've provided over the last year. I don't feel I deserved it, as I'm just giving back what I've received, however it was a great feeling and it's nice to have 'rays of sunshine' during all the lockdown 2.0 craziness.

 

Thanks again for being so open and don't be so hard on yourself! Focus on the great things you've done and I'm sure you've got more great achievements to make that you don't know about yet.

 

Take care,

 

Ian

 

[jeff oakley]

Wow that was a hard read Tom and I wish I lived nearer to help you get the Westfield finished so you can have a release and some success.

 

Just reading it I could feel the sense of pain you have and the guilt that you are carrying over something that was clearly not of your making. Your Mum and family must be so proud and feel lucky to have you but the price you pay for being the rock for others is high.

 

I would hope you have sought help for yourself as too often when helping others you forget yourself and no one notices.

 

But reading Ian's reply he is right stop beating yourself up, focus on the important things to you.

 

What I learnt when I had problems is to recognise what is in my control and what is not. You have no control over your ex or her child so whatever you feel is outside your grasp to change that. 

 

I found it hard to learn to recognise the difference between what I could change and what I could not but now I have it is easier to deal with what life throws at me. The death of both my parents in close succession and then my Fil were hard and just when I got over those my brother died and as he lived in France with the lockdown I could not be there for his family or go to his funeral.

 

But I understood that I could change nothing which before I would not have been able to accept I could have not have done something different . It still hurts but I accept that hurt is part of life.

 

As for not having the confidence to take part in the threads, well anyone who can write what you have shared is not short of strength of character and if you have read many of the threads on the boards you will know that we are a friendly bunch who like a laugh and do not take life too seriously. Get stuck in, what is the worst that could happen?

 

Get the car finished and then get out with your local area you will be welcomed with open arms

[TomW]

I just wanted to write on here to say thank you to everyone who read my story.  Especially to both @Ian Kinder (Bagpuss) - Joint Peak District AO and @jeff oakley for your replies  

[Captain Colonial]

@TomW Just the fact that you felt able to share your story with us and the positive reaction it received should help you believe not only in yourself but trust those of us in the club.  While there’s never any easy solutions, this is the friendliest of clubs and we’ll be here for you.  

[BigSkyBrad]

The first half is interesting, but it's the second half that's relevant to this thread - very sobering, and shows the power of people close to you. And I think my wife was cutting onions in the next room.

 

[Somerset Jim]

Only just found this thread and wowser - what a read! 

 

Thanks to all who have posted and hope you are all coping with current situation in whatever ways you can. This is obviously a very supportive environment, emotionally as well as mechanically. 

 

People often say we should treat mental illness as we would a broken leg - but the problem is that those of us who haven't experienced it can't really understand "why" or "how" or "what to do" to help. My son has had depression on and off for last few years (I think because he expects perfection from himself) and I'm just hoping that now he's been Ok for the last 12 months that latest lockdown and loss of his business again doesn't seem an impossible hole to climb out of. 

 

Reading the tales and thoughts in this chain has given me some insight into a few possible whys and an understanding of the frustrations involved in knowing your thoughts may not be logical but still struggling to manage them - sorry if that isn't a good explanation. My son says he knows when he is making poor decisions but is still unable to do anything to allow him to make better ones.  

 

Thanks again to all posters - you've improved my understanding immensely. Best wishes with managing your situations - please continue to help each other. 

 

[TAFKARM]

On 10/10/2020 at 13:57, Rush Motorsport said:

I cried at Demolition Man this morning, so not fantastic! 

How are we all doing? 
 

Some things have got a lot better since this point, so that’s good.

 

Very much struggling with lockdown though I’m a social animal and it’s really grinding me down now. The wife is at work most days, then understandably wants some decompression time when she gets home whereas I’m desperate for some company. 
 

 Not working hasn’t helped either, at least I had the option of a video chat with colleagues - trying to keep in touch with people and video call where I can. 
 

At this rate, god forbid, I’m tempted to get a job! 

[Onliest Smeg David]

5 hours ago, Rush Motorsport said:

 

Very much struggling with lockdown though I’m a social animal and it’s really grinding me down now

Me too 'Gregariousness craving gatherings'

Work is tougher and more demanding than ever. I've worked from home for years but now wife does too, I've no freedom to have destressing downtime breaks with the music turned up to max (which has always been my angst outlet)

The dog forces walks which are good (& longer) in good weather.

Hate farcetime/zooooom etc

& the 1 holiday I look forward to most (Skiing) is not going to happen till 2022 (hopefully)

I've loved Westielife, and long blats are another outlet, but this down period got me even thinking of selling.

[KugaWestie]

5 hours ago, Rush Motorsport said:

How are we all doing? 
 

Some things have got a lot better since this point, so that’s good.

 

Very much struggling with lockdown though I’m a social animal and it’s really grinding me down now. The wife is at work most days, then understandably wants some decompression time when she gets home whereas I’m desperate for some company. 
 

 Not working hasn’t helped either, at least I had the option of a video chat with colleagues - trying to keep in touch with people and video call where I can. 
 

At this rate, god forbid, I’m tempted to get a job! 

Having the Cobra build is an absolute godsend for me, keeping me occupied either working on it, planning what’s next to do or obtaining small parts for it.

 

Howcome you are not working?