The Mental Health Thread

[maurici]

1 minute ago, Jude - The Mad Widow said:

@AdamR OMG you're a bl**** super hero!!! I thought I was doing OK but now I feel I need to accomplish more!!!

One think I have mastered.. Sitting and being at one with myself. I have started reading!! No one says life has to be hard... You are an awesome human! 

I relate to nearly everything you have said.. Except for the numerous accomplishments. Well you've inspired me... I just found a ukele I bought Brian.. Might give you a tune at Stoneleigh!!! 

 

Don't take @AdamRas example to set your bar... as you say, he is a super hero.

 

He is one of this annoying gits that can do anything he wants... he just needs to want, and he will do it better than a full team of experts after 20 years of research!!

 

He will just go for it, do some research, throw some educated guesses on the process and will come out with a result that will leave speechless to anyone. Shame he needs to be reminded so often how so bl**** awesome and capable he is.

 

In the other side, us, the normal human beings have to feel accomplished when in a bad day, we still force ourselves to go out of bed, try to do something productive (even if it ends being a waste) and don't spend way too much time thinking about how **** the life is at that precise moment.

 

[AdamR]

I'm sorry my post had an unintended effect Jude, but I'm glad you've dug the ukulele out. Learning an instrument is said to be very good for the brain.

 

From my side... What a difference a day makes, as they say. Had a really rough 24hrs, to the point where my head has managed to make me physically ill again. I can't say that I want 'out' but if there was a way to hit the pause button for a few months, I'd have been right on it.

[Jude - The Mad Widow]

I found your write up inspirational. @AdamR Reading between the lines it seems like you are not being good to yourself. Took me ages to learn that and to not feel guilty about everything in my life.   

It's only recently that I do nice things and just think how lucky I am to be able to sit and read, stop somewhere nice for a glass or cup of something delicious. Of course I always leave believing they think I'm nuts but hey..   I need to work on that,  or should I bother.. Rhetorical!! 

[jeff oakley]

Once again this thread serves to remind us all what is really important, our health and especially our mental health.

 

I know Adam did not intend to do anything but highlight his situation but it does show no matter how talented a person can be we are all capable of having days where no matter what you do, what you achieve, there is a self doubt, or self loathing or something that stops what others crave being enough for those who acheive it.. 

 

It is so important to understand yourself and to be yourself, too many of us have spent too long trying to be the crutch for others, or the clown to pick people up and in the process of helping others we forget ourselves.

 

The hamster wheel will stop if you stop running on it, I have never met Jude or Adam but it is clear they are great people who are both beating, most of the time, what many allow to get the better of them. Hopefully they will understand how many of us think they are both awesome, how could anyone who has done what Adam has and a dog owning Westfield driving Ukulele female could not be anything else😀 

 

 

[AdamR]

Very kind words Jeff... I forgot to reply at the time but - thank you 🙏

 

Another member reminded me of this thread just now and I thought it was worth a bump... How has everyone been recently, over Christmas and the last few months?

 

Christmas is usually a very tough time for me, both with work stress and the thought of 'having' to spend a lot of time with a family I don't really get on with (perhaps others feel the same?), but this year was very different despite having the lurgy.

 

I don't think I am alone in feeling better once the nights are starting to get lighter and the weather better, so I hope this is making a difference for everyone else now too!

 

 

I've been keeping myself busy building more wacky stuff, but trying to keep a lid on the insane attention to detail a little. Catching myself doing this has been pretty enlightening - example: I'm half way through walking across the workshop to find a 5mm shorter bolt than the one I'm currently using because it is more optimally suited (yes this actually happened regularly previously 😅), then stopping and telling myself 'good enough is good enough'.

 

I've been concentrating on getting out and exercising more, spending a lot of time riding the frame I built and thoroughly enjoying it. Nature and exercise are great healers!

 

 

The latest project has been building a pedal car... like car racing, but cheaper, and better for both my lungs and the environment!

 

 

 

 

The plan is to do a few rounds of the British Pedal Car Championship this year. The races take place on kart circuits (and Curborough!) throughout the country, lasting from 2-24(!) hours, with teams of 4 drivers. I'm hoping the competitiveness (with both other teams and within our team) will motivate me to keep up with the exercise and in turn this will keep my brain in check too (as long as I don't get too bogged down in the minor details of trying to 'optimise' every little part of the car...). If anyone else is a keen cyclist fancies a go we still have a space in the car for Round 1 which is 29th March...

[Howsafe Workwear and Safety Equipment]

It's sad to hear (but not surprising) that people you know struggle with these sorts of issues (above and beyond the normal stresses and anxieties that we all face).

 

It just shows how unaware we all are of peoples mental health and how easy it could be for any of us to spiral downwards and for it to be un-noticed by friends an family

 

Coming from a person who isn't always open with his feelings I am always relieved when I get to the stage of blurting things out "A problem shared is a problem halved"

 

I just wish it was as easy at that for all of you!

 

 

[DamperMan]

That looks fun!   Just checked my diary.. I’m in Germany that weekend..  boo...   

[maurici]

3 hours ago, AdamR said:

good enough is good enough

I though we had been over this with Agassi's autobiogaphy...

 

I will Crack the seal a little bit... I struggle to expose myself to that lenghs, but, writting it down will allow me to re-visit it, and to remember my targets. doing it public sort of helps me to commit to them...

 

I'm one of those with up and downs. I'm never too bad... (well sometimes I find myself at the vey bottom but I sort myself to a conforable place again with a few adjustmens) but never well enough to ensure an emotional stability... and that its been allways like this, but since I'm in this country is much much worst, continuously struggling, and taking the wrong decisions, and making the wrong adjustmens.

 

I had a really low point starting around this past november, following some Very heavy family bussines (that are still being dealt with) that dragged me and my partner to a very dark place, we dealt differently with the issue and all exploded just after chrismas like a nuke. We are sort of sorted now as a couple, but not really as persons.

 

One of my mains problems is my total inability of being alone...  I like to think that is because I'm a super social person and I feel better surrounded by people to share my happines and often loud feelings, but the truth is that I can't bare being on my own...

 

And this is difficult when you are 35, you are thousands of miles away from family, friends and what you call home, and your only daily company (my partner) works stupid shifts, and we happen to be people sharing a bed and have the odd weekend toguether more than a couple that shares a lot of time... Not different that many other families, but still though for someone like me with ZERO independence.

 

This leaves me most of the time alone at home after work, with no many friends around to hag about and with the feeling that the life isn't worth much if is measured in beers, sofa time, and Netflix series, but that is how I choose to spend it because I'm unable to do stuff on my own.

 

I've taken since the first week of january significant steps to learn being on my own doing stuff I enjoy and does not depend much of anyone else... And I have recovered a significant ammount of activities I had left aside during the years, because "life got in the way"... (relocating to uk, was a significant "life got on the way" thing)...

 

Its incredible, how easy you drop something because in that moment you can't carry on, and when you could take it again, you simply don't do it because is too hard to start again,

Also decieded to drop stuff that I though I enjoyed but only stresses me out... (more on that later).

 

I have un-dusted all my musical instruments. Been a couple of times to an Open Mic sesion, and taken the executive decision to get back at the Music Stage as a Bass player. That means a significant ammount of practice hours requiered. I've been away from the stages at high (ish) level for over 10 years. So far I'm ejoying every minute of it... i do even have a test with a half serious band next week.

 

Re-started my creative activities... Doing shirts, stickers and cool designs for people. This also helps to pay the bills of my own designs and projects.

 

My time with the 3d printer is also well valued, and when I finish to draw something, it goes trough the printer and it finishes, still astonishes me that I'm capable of that (well the technology is).

 

Shooting. Oh shooting. is SOOOO good. If possible, being on your own in the range, ear protectors insulating you from the world and a target in front of you with no other thoughts than this black dot in the target paper and your controlled breathing. Is so relaxing.

 

I've significantly cutted down the ammount beer drunk during the week. I still get quite lose if i have no important activities on saturday, but I try to drink ZERO during the week. 3 beers every evening as a passtime can't be too good.

 

I've left a bit aside the car stuff... in fact I do have a trackday in a week and I'm not sure my car will even start...Mental note... Better check it out... but the truth is that I really don't care. If it happens to work, will be a fun day, if not... is valentines day, Will sort something out at home for when she is back.

And won't be doing competitive events at all. I just don't like it apparently (i though i did, but last year events were too much for me).

 

And I'm forcing myself to cicle to work... regardless of the weather. (that its been stupid, because I've been poorly ill due cicling on wet mornings at 0 degrees... but I keep on it. hopefully will be better after february)

 

My aim (and I'm still not quite there) is to have the desire to have free time to sit in the sofa and watch TV and drink a beer every now and then because I'm too busy doing stuff on my own, rather than this being the default passtime because I don't have people around.

 

Will see how I get on.

 

 

P.S. @AdamR's design and bulding capabilites are simple AMAZING. Every time I see one of his creations I feel embarrased because a so called "creative mechanical and development engineer" like myself would be unable to even design something like this... let alone to actually build it.

 

 

[Jude - The Mad Widow]

So we have reached February and as I type the sun is coming out... I have manage to avoid going back onto my (bipolar) meds and have no signs of depression.  Get me huh!

 

I have managed to get out and about in the Wez which is like taking a happy pill!  I did spin her on a greasy roundabout which gave me an adrenaline rush, not done that before. Manage to recover and carry on like it had been intentional! (???!!)  There were quite a few other cars about... wonder if anyone captured that on their phone! 

 

What a clever bunch of guys there are here sharing their feelings, isn't it funny how we don't recognise our own achievements? Personally i don't think I have any!  

I used to think it was an achievement just to get up, have a wash and be dressed.  Currently life isn't so bad and I send these positive vibes to those of you are are not feeling so positive - yet.  Tomorrow is a blank canvas just waiting for you to make a mark... make it a good one. x

[Rory's Dad]

All Committee Members please note.

 

I was going to send a PM to our Chairman and give him a decent b*ll*cking. In this day and age to 'hide' this stuff is all wrong. Please can we have a proper section called 'Health and Wellbeing' (or something) and put this thread in it please, please and please. 

 

Yes it was me that was talking to Adam and look at the response since his post. 

[Andy Banks]

On 08/02/2020 at 18:58, Rory's Dad said:

All Committee Members please note.

 

Noted.

 

To be clear, nothing is hidden and in fact quite heavily promoted in this very thread and in our magazine.

 

Should we have a specific forum? Sure, why not. Can we technically do it? Yep.

 

So, we will debate as ever, talk to those must likely to impacted (positively), make a decision on where it should live and make it happen as the majority direct 👍

[Rory's Dad]

Thanks boss!! 

[Andy Banks]

Thanks again for raising Martin. Majority view from the committee and folks who use this thread is to leave alone for now. We might move it Members Area at some point and for now, I've pinned it.

 

If folks want to debate further, can we do so on another thread or PM please, that way we keep this important and useful thread on topic.

 

Ta...

[Andy_R]

Hey Everyone

 

In 2012 my wife and I adopted this incredible 2 year old boy (Josh) with so many disabilities you'd be hard pressed to find to find someone (even in the press) with more complex challenges to deal with. In 2014 we decided to do the same again and adopted a 3 year old girl (Evie) with just as many disabilities (albeit a lot more life threatening as she needs daily medications to keep her alive for the next day)! 

 

They have both come on in leaps & bounds. We were told Josh was never, ever going to be able to sit independently or have a sense of worth yet he's now walking and hacking into peoples YouTube channels due to his intelligence with a computer ... however if you put him near a road he will just walk into it without any consideration to his safety! Evie, who is also blind, was abused in many many horrific ways and now wants to train as a nurse to help others (and she has a good chance of fulfilling this wish!). Two days ago (before her latest seizure) I took her horse riding and the instructors think she, my 8 year old miracle, might have a shot for the British Para-Olympic team in the future ! For background her abuse was so bad she wouldn't allow me to change her or even be alone with her for the first 14 months! Every time I tried she went into a primal meltdown (as her primary carer this meant two or three times a day I had a girl who screamed the house down every time I tried to change her)!

 

As my wife is a teacher, and had a lot of time off compared with me, I gave up my 'office' career as a marketing manager and became a marketing consultant (working from home) ... effectively becoming primary carer to both our kids. And, while it might not seem like it further down, I really do love all of it!

 

So 12 months ago Evie had her first epileptic seizure. I was getting her ready for school and she just stopped breathing and fell to the ground ... only stopping being hurt further by me cushioning her fall (which my elbow ended up in sling for!). There was no trigger or prior warning. During this I was on the phone to the ambulance, performing CPR, trying to keep our son safe and trying not to throw up because I was in a bad way myself with the elbow. It was such a bad seizure that Evie required 8 doctors (plus many other nurses/professionals) in the resuscitation bay at the hospital just to keep her alive. 

 

Since then it's happened, to various degrees of severity (luckily not as bad as the above episode), every two or three weeks. There is no exaggeration when I say the critical care unit at our local hospital know me and the kids by first name! 

 

Both the kids are also autistic with Josh REALLY into his sports cars (hence my avatar as Roary The Racing Car). Due to this, and the success I've achieved being self employed, I've been able to indulge in my passion for cars ... enabling me to have a selection of incredible vehicles. So I understand I'm very fortunate. I understand there are plenty of people in a far worse situation to me and would love even a little of the lifestyle I currently enjoy.

 

I've heard all the praise before. I know it's incredible what we've done and what we've given up. But both my wife and I get so much from the kids and wouldn't change it for the world. I would like to say I'm good at a number of things but I'm great at making my kids laugh. Not even my wife is able to do it as well as me and if that's the only thing I'm ever great at in life then I'll die a very happy man! 

 

And despite all of this I'm struggling!

 

As soon as you adopt social services don't care about the adults. They say they do but they really don't so apologies to any social workers on here ... I know you are restricted by red tape and funding but a phone call once in a while (after the statutory requirements finish and one that isn't threatening BTW!) wouldn't hurt!

 

Friends & family are brilliant at first but don't get what it's like to look after someone with disabilities. Finding childcare is next to impossible, they get offended when we have to cancel on short notice because of illness and they don't invite our children to their children's birthday parties as ours are different. Also don't get me started on being a man as a primary carer in a school carpark ... mothers and school staff really find that strange!!!

 

But that's just the 'little stuff'!

 

The big stuff ... well ...

 

In 2020 I've had to perform CPR on my daughter three times and, despite being a very successful marketer, I can't even describe in words how it feels to save your own child on a regular basis. My relationship with my wife is strained despite knowing how important a stable relationship is for Josh & Evie (two of the regional groups will probably notice I only travel alone ... and that's only in part due to childcare 😞 ).

 

Luckily those around me don't tell me to "man up" (except the Yorkshire WSCC Group but they do it in the right way 😉) but that's how it feels I should react to a situation like this ... however it's becoming more and more difficult to do hence this rambling post on a forum of amazing petrol heads!

 

So thank you everyone who takes the time to read this and thank you to whoever started this thread (in my humble opinion you should be given free membership as you've given people like me a place to offload some things!). I'm not looking for sympathy or even advice. I've been on many training courses both for the medical and physiological side of things and know where to find professional support.

 

However professional support isn't the same as real support and I just needed to unload some things. I know if I read this post again the marketer inside of me will cringe at the shocking grammar but to those who know me I hope you're understand why sometimes I'm chatty and then sometimes not!

 

And finally is there is anyone who feels even worse than me ... PM, email or call me as I know what it's like to feel that low!

[Geoffrey Carter (Buttercup)]

Wow. So many things wizzing round in my head after reading your post above. 

 

You are are a real credit to your children.