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I'd imagine being dead is a lot like before you were born

No1 Son was 43 last week, so No2 Son (the one that lives in Thailand) came home with a surprise present for him. No not one of them, you lot have got dirty minds. He's only gone and bought 2 tickets with full hospitality for the Monaco Grand prix, so they flew out this morning and come back on Monday. I mean wassat all about? what about Dad? the perfect opportunity for some Dad and lads bonding and I'm left here babysitting

I will be selling my entire dash in Sept

I've just put this together... This report has two lots of three things- National Parks and TV Masts. The North York Moors, Bilsdale and the Yorkshire Dales were covered on Saturday, the Peak District, Emley Moor and Holme Moss on Sunday. Get your maps out to give you some idea about the size and scale of the Yorkshire 8 - two trips of about 400 miles in total - this year in almost unbroken sunshine. So day one saw six of us assemble at the Fox and Grapes at 10:00am – Tricky, Chris (a bit late as usual!), Mike and Geoff (Zetec 1800), a couple from Rotherham whose names I’ve forgotten (sorry) and Simon and Anna from Lancashire (Barnoldswick?) in their Pinto. Off we went and we were soon on the dual carriageway heading towards York. At the end of the by-pass there is a roundabout controlled by traffic lights and it creates the most dreadful queues both before and on a couple of miles on the single carriageway beyond. The cars were all fine although my water was at 100° and the oil not far behind. I made a mental note to avoid this route next year. Once we turned off the A64 we had a pleasant drive including the four miles of tree-lined avenue past Castle Howard and arrived at Helmsley. We then picked up the infamous B1257 which took us up through the moors, past Bilsdale and then the drop down towards Stokesley. The countryside looked really great with lots of fresh green vegetation in the valley but it still looked a bit grey and windswept on the tops. We’d got behind a nicely restored MGB who, having sighted the enemy in his rear view mirror, put his foot down and led us along at a decent pace. In Stokesley, we picked up Bob Bobbleton but missed Chris Andeson at Yarm who had a change of plan, and stopped off for a quick break at a pub a bit further on. I always think the road we take across the A1 is boring but it isn’t - very little traffic and a good number of straight roads and sweeping bends. Before long we were in Richmond (another lovely town) and pushing on to Reeth. We parked up a side road and wandered down to The Buck. The centre of Reeth was packed with cars, as was the space in front of the Hotel with people enjoying the sunshine and refreshments. Happily the inside had plenty of seats and my bacon and cheese panini soon arrived to accompany a just wonderful pint of Landlord. We really enjoyed the chance to chill out and have a good natter. Two cars went home from here, Bob Bobbleton whose back was really hurting from a car accident 6 months ago and Rachel and Jimmy who had also joined us at Stokesley (without my knowledge and consent!) Anyway nice to meet you all and was glad you enjoyed the trip. We set off and found that the myriad cycles were making themselves felt and most gaggles were behaving themselves, keeping in single file as they struggled up the hills. They must all be mad! However as we were making our way up towards Muker, a single file of bikes came at us over a crest. As I led the convey over the crest I was confronted by a BMW 4x4 on our side of the road, trying to overtake the bikes with next to no forward vision. I got quite upset – what an idiot you are, I told him (expletives deleted) but I happily escaped without any physical contact! Many of the roads have been resurfaced for some Grand Départ or other and we really enjoyed the climb over Buttertubs Pass and down into Hawes. I was almost down to the smell of what was left in my tank and equally keen to find a loo, both of which the garage provided. We then headed south again down into Ribblesdale, again sometimes hindered by cyclists but no matter, they have the same rights as we do to enjoy the roads and the countryside. Simon and Anna peeled off for Lancashire and we made our way down to Settle and civilisation. From here it was a good blat through to Skipton and for me back to Harrogate. What a wonderful day! Endless sunshine, some great roads, wonderful, wonderful countryside and such good company too. Oh dear – I’ve got to do it all again tomorrow! Well Sunday didn’t start too brilliantly. Just Frank Bryant was waiting at the Fox and Grapes so we set off for Leeds city centre but somehow we got separated – bloomin’ dual carriageways! Anyway I picked up Red Spider (aka Robin) and headed off down the M1. Turned off at J39 and headed for Emley Moor. Well what a sight greeted us - eight more wonderful Westfields but sadly no Frank or Terryathome (who had also hoped to join us). We hung around for a while chatting to some lunatic cyclists but set off with Tricky and his lad taking the lead down to the Strines Inn. There was some good A roads and some good C roads too – again the Tour de France is the reason for all the repairs and resurfacing. However there were others that were far from perfect but the route was just magnificent, winding down steep sided valleys, over narrow stone bridges and then up the other side. Well done Tricky for picking such a ‘tricky’ route! On the way, we passed a collection of elderly but beautifully restored small Honda motorbikes and mopeds. How cool were they? (although we didn’t stop). We pulled into the pub car park to find the Citroen DS3 club had got there first. There was room for us both and they were quite nice people too. We picked up three more Westies including Barry Wilson and his lad who would lead us from Buxton up to Holme Moss and One Careful Lady Owner and her partner who would get us from the pub to Buxton. The journeys were just great and very well led but were not without incident. Once we had got down past the Ladybower Reservoir, we stopped off at a petrol station on a T junction just beyond Bamford. Our route would take us left but it was on the right. It was on quite a large site but not big enough for 13 Westies. Having filled up, we all regrouped and set off - sadly and unknowingly, without Shaggydoo and his daughter who re-joined us just two hours later! In Bakewell, some clown yelled about us going to Buxton. I said ‘no’ (lying) because I didn’t want our convoy to be the subject of any sort of chase. Typically, it turned out to be a member of the club – my apologies to him for my thoughtless and untruthful abruptness! I’ve talked about the problem of 13 Westies. Well at some point we did (yet another) right turn onto a major road and got split by a bloomin’ great 4x4 with its caravan. Never mind, let’s wave him through, and the convoy can be re-assembled. However he failed to pull into a layby or any other convenient location and ended up leading us for miles and miles. I say us but there was at least another ten cars behind us too. You know how I was saying about cyclists having as much right to use the road as we do. Well this particular 4x4 and its caravan was the exception to prove the rule. In Glossop, Paul Hurdesfield left us to head home for Manchester and we had another brief stop to let Shaggy finally catch up with us. Anyway, while we were waiting, a nice white sevenesque car came down. We prepared to waive but saw it was a Caterham and studiously ignored it. How childish but stupidly amusing! We are indeed those people who grow older but don’t grow up. We had a proper stop overlooking Torside Reservoir for some minor repairs. Red Spider was losing his nearside cycle wing and having tried a repair with zip ties he ended up ripping it off. Time for some proper bolts rather than Sikaflex - that will fix it properly. One Careful Lady Owner had a front wheel to change – luckily she had a spare. She’s not up to F1 standards but the time was quick! Barry then led us up to Holme Moss. It’s often quite chilly up there because it is so high. It almost seems possible to see from coast to coast. Nevertheless we all managed an ice cream. There were a couple of old BSA motorbikes which gleamed in the sunshine. Nice to hear a steady and sturdy exhaust note rather than yet another Japanese screamer. We said our various goodbyes and set off home. I kept on following Barry who lives on the way to the M1, so for me it was a quick trip back up the motorway, through Leeds and then home. Another brilliant day in brilliant sunshine and I have a very red face to prove it! Next year, I’m going to make some changes. On the Saturday, our route to Helmsley will be via the A1, A168, Thirsk and Sutton Bank rather than queue round York. On the Sunday we’ll meet at the Oil Can Café in Hepworth which is just a short distance from the A616 Sheffield Road. There’s lots to see and do and I propose a lesisurely breakfast from 10:00 with a view to leaving at 11:00. Barry knows someone who knows the owners and he reckons we can get some reserved places and even a discount on our bills. We like the sound of that, don’t we! It was good to see so many wives and partners so hope there is an appropriate alternative to the full English! So there we go – no sooner finishing one year’s Yorkshire 8 then promptly organising the next. I know we lucky with the weather but I just had the best time - great food, great countryside and great company. I’m glad that we had such a good turn out – particularly on Sunday. It means that a good many others had nearly as much fun as me!

Hope I have not broke any rules but I have contacted them regarding our possible interest and suggested they could look into becoming a trade member

Results started to come in on the councils. In Rotherham out of 21 council seats 10 now UKIP. Does this make all these voters in Rotherham racist?

Just for the record and for those who don't know, the Chairman of the WSCC is a foreigner - luckily enough, one with a fairly thick skin. I really don't mind lambasting politicians when they deserve it, which is fairly often, as they get paid to be one and really only have themselves to blame. However, I'm not at all enamoured with foreigner bashing on the forums, especially considering about 4% of our club membership are not British or UK-based. Kindly save your vitriol for the politicians. Denigrating people because of their nationality, creed, colour, religion or gender is not what we do here, and I'm already tired of the emails I'm getting complaining about some of the perceived xenophobia in this thread. People all over the world are generally good and want the same things you and I want - health, safety, security and comfort. What makes people bad is not the country in which they were born, it's the system in which they have to survive. Scolding over, and let's get back to "the friendly club" please - thanks.

That's the biggest pensioner's zimmer frame I've ever seen!

Tried to pm you but you cannot receive messages. A note popped up on the screen. Cheers rich

Aeroscreen any speed no problems hat stay put

Pete, I'm not able to dispute if the manufacturer has designed for a safety factor of 500 in their equiptment, but I am with confidence and working experience able to say that you will not achive anything close to that margin of safety in the mechanical fixing between the baseplate of the lift and the concrete.