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STONELEIGH?? I got all excited when I saw numerous threads and then quickly realised they are all locked down! With good reason I'm sure, so maybe this can be a place for unofficial Stoneleigh banter. Anyways, had such a great time helping out year before last so going to be all over this year. Vague recollection of a jar of confectionary of some sort, provided by Scott, but can't remember what it was? Sun (hopefully), beer, bbq, westfields, good company, parts/accessories and waking up when I'm damn well ready.. what is not to like!

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer is nowadays used as a kind of divining rod to locate extremely expensive and fragile parts not too far from the object you are trying to hit. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until the operator dies of old age. It also works great for drilling mounting holes just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel or the fuel line of course. PLIERS: Used to effectively round off bolt heads.. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. MOLE-GRIPS/ADJUSTABLE Surrugate Spanner: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. Can also be used as a totally unsuitable substitute for a hammer. OXY-ACETELENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake-drum out of which you're trying to get the bearing race. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for for the last 15 minutes. Very effective for rounding off AF and Metric bolts. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest or the knackers and flings your beer clear across the room, splattering it against that nice beautifully-painted part you were drying oh so carefully. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls in about the time it takes you to say "f**k". Very good at getting snarled up in any loose clothing you're stupid enough to get near it! HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: "Labour-saving" device used for lowering car to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front wing. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing Douglas Fir timber splinters. PHONE: Device for calling your neighbour to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise but mainly for getting dog ****e off your boot. Never known to actually remove gasket debris. BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup or inducing epileptic fits in susceptible mechanics.. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle. TORQUE WRENCH: Bad-tempered device which, although designed to allow the user to tighten bolts to a precise torque, often allows said bolts to strip their threads seconds before the device 'clicks' a warning that the user should stop swinging on it. AVIATION METAL TINSNIPS: Unpredictable and bl****-minded device. See HACKSAW. INSPECTION LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate as 105mm Howitzer shells during the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. May also be used to create 3rd-degree burns on body parts. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper- and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a fossil-fuel burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a pneumatic impact spanner that grips rusty bolts last tightened 30 years ago by some monkey in Dagenham...and then rounds them off. PRY (CROW) BAR: A tool used to crumple the very expensive metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 pence part. HOSE CUTTER: A device used to neatly cut hoses 1/2 inch too short. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Device used primarily to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and expensive motorcycle jackets. Usually found to be blunt when required for constructive use. BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring corrosive sulphuric acid from a car battery to your clothes, your car's bodywork and to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail after all, just as you thought. WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. ARC WELDER: An industrial tanning machine that also drops molten steel down into your shoes thus teaching how to dance at the same time. ANGLE GRINDER: Impressive tool used to shoot sparks and metal filings directly into your eye, magically by-passing any safety glasses. Added feature of causing long-term eardrum damage. BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by some workshops to cut perfectly good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the waste bin after the cut has been made on the inside of the cut line instead of the outside. CIRCULAR SAW: Handy device which can be set to cut through the floorboard just far enough to sever any heating pipes/gas pipes/electrical conduits casually lurking underneath. BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. BIKE LIFT: Beautifully-engineered piece of equipment which uses the awesome power of hydraulics to lift heavy motorcycles for cleaning or repair. Looks the part in any workshop/showroom but, unfortunately, the "one-size fits all" mentality of the lift manufacturer effectively ignores the fact that not all motorcycles are created equal thus rendering the lift about as much use as a rubber pogo-stick. JIGSAW: Seemingly demon-possessed device which performs every function except the one you want it to do such as cut a straight, perpendicular line. SURFORM: Abrasive tool designed to shape resistant materials like timber with the added advantage of being able to reduce knuckles to a state very similar to raw mince. CHAIN WRENCH: Originally designed by a serial optimist to remove screw-on oil filters. Unfortunately, due to many filters being nigh-on inaccessible to all but very adventurous insects seeking a warm place to crash for the night, this device is about as much use as a chocolate teapot. If the user is lucky enough to actually get the chain onto the target filter, the miniscule amount of clearance available to actually turn the wrench neatly ensures that severely grazed knuckles or broken fingers are a very distinct possibility. Carries a very high expletive factor too...best used in all-male environments only. 3LB LUMP HAMMER: A kind of "last resort" device usually wielded with extreme prejudice. Primary function is to damage or destroy parts which had absolutely nothing to do with the original problem. FIREGUM PASTE: White-coloured expanding compound intended for use as a foolproof method of sealing automotive exhaust systems. Cornflakes soaked in milk and allowed to set would be far more effective as this stuff has the look and strength of an anaemic marshmallow.

Grab it, and then whilst trying to rotate it, pull it at the same time. Should just come off, but may be a bit stiff in the beginning to break the 'bond'. Unless someone glued it on, then you will probably never get it off...