breeding cars idiots

[Barnsley John]

short story 

As we are at a loose end for 10 minits

 

Up here in Barnsley we are always looking at making  a quick buck or two so two good mates one called Breakable and Barnsley john decided to get their heads together

Breakable also known as des  on the wscc  forum has a 2.0 l  duratec westy and lives 4 miles from Barnsley john

John  also known as cant spell john as  a 2.0 l honda westy

There as been some keen banter over the past years  with who has and got the best car between us

when we were arguing one day we said lets be constructive  and came up with a plan  to make us rich

the scheme is to breed our two cars and sell the little car pups to make some easy cash

So first  we would need some help from friends on the forum  firstly from martin and  sue has he is the mot vet and  pup inspector down in Staffordshire area

Also witnesses’ with Julie and glen  as glen wanted the first pic of the pups as long it was a honda and also to recap glens mind on things how its  done

So the big day came up here in Barnsley

We went to deses because he his posh and there’s oil all over drive from his car. so we all gathered round the two cars comforting the little honda

The Duratek in blue was like a pit bull terrier with its chavy chain at  front end and more electronic aids inside needing the national grid to power it      Snarling and water dripping from  mouth and  radiator  its stance with its wide tyres ready to pounce on my whimpering Honda

 Which is Built  like a greyhound and slender compared to the chavy bully  Duratek

Gen was looking on in exactment as the duruatecs s exhaust grew to a magnificent shinny pipe

The deed was done and the Duratek blew its head gasket and oil was all over after 20 seconds

About the time of its owner s performance so debs says to me on our nights out

My Honda was stoked as it had been abused from the blue beast

Martin said let me know when the pup cars are born and I will give them a full health check

1 month later 7 little car pups were born

Martyn was summoned to deses for the pup cars to be looked at

He said bad news you guys there all Z tecs with problems and low HP 

My view is that it’s the duratec that’s faulty cams but the   honda looks nice and healthy

 I would Get shut of them quick  if I was you two idiots

We were gutted as we knew Hondas would sell for loads of money duratecs  a lot less

And Z tecs very little

 

 

So that night I decided to advertise them on piston car pups

I used deses dyno readings saying 210 hp  and we all know  that is a lie

 I  then  copied them to each car to get shut and attract a buyer

They were snapped up in two days . the guy that came said all take the lot

I said were you from sir

His reply was Ashby dela pooch and he took them  all

The moral of the story his don’t breed your car with inferior ford  cars,  and you wont end up like us having to get rid quick and for next to nowt

No cars were hurt in this story and glen has a permanent smile

Martyn overcharged us for the cars mot s and will sort him out soon as we can go out

 

stay safe

 and we will all be out soon I am sure if we follow the guidelines

thanks for reading BJ

 

 

 

 

[Breakable?]

😂 to be honest John that’s not the first and only time your Honda has been shafted by my Duratec 😆🤣

[TAFKARM]

Eh?

[Barnsley John]

your cars like you des in a animal world

  full of bull

[wizzer]

Sounds to me,  you'd have been better breading the honda with somthing with a pedigree, strong, powerful, and classy somthing from cosworth like the 20xe not a copy of a xe the durabang 😂

Tony 

[CraigHew]

Oh John, you do make me laugh......👍🏿

[Julie Hall - WSCC AO Representative]

So very funny John, although I will hide it from the Zetech engined Rita b***h as it might hurt her feelings, she already gets jealous of my fondness of Honda Dogs. 

 

Missing your humour already, it's going to be a long summer. Woof 🐶

[Marcus Barlow - Show and Events Co-ordinator]

@Barnsley John ..legend  ...were any of the pups white? looks like the Honda could have been a naughty girl and had an affair with @The Cheese 's turbo Zetec?

[Barnsley John]

great to here from you julie 

yes the weather has just picked up and car was     i say was       taxed now     sorned

looked forward to the little cafes you know  in the peaks  we have squires  bit of a difference but it is wat   it is

cu you soon john and jacky  and our new baby   lotty the pup 

[Barnsley John]

i marcus

no my car did not mate with the cheeses turbo

its pipe was two small

and gave it up has a bad job 

think the outcome would have been

1 turbo honda  selling for a mint

6 kitten ztecs the tortoises shell ones      you know the bl**** slow ones         giving them back to creig for a consolation present for trying

 

sorry creig  but marcus did mention you

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Julie Hall - WSCC AO Representative]

Just a thought, for the wider population that might be wondering where all this has come from, should we mention that Des and Debs are actually dog breeders. I think everyone knows that John is just maaaad😁

[Marcus Barlow - Show and Events Co-ordinator]

36 minutes ago, Julie Hall - Peak District AO said:

 John is just maaaad😁

and that was before he got quarantined 

[CraigHew]

11 minutes ago, marcusb said:

and that was before he got quarantined 

 

Or had another night on the wine gums....

[Marcus Barlow - Show and Events Co-ordinator]

2 minutes ago, CraigHew said:

 

Or had another night on the wine gums....

or a deadly combination of the two......

[Barnsley John]

no wine gums for me guys

were all like this round here

any way heres round 2 for you to go to bed on

part2

sellers remorse

having gone to bed that night thinking we have got to make some money and we have been done  I could not sleep thinking about the poor little z tec pup cars in that big warehouse  down in ashby de la pooch with all them other z tecs and duratecs  waiting to be processed

as we got next to nothing for them with them been faulty due to the ford

 I thought Barnsley john amd brakeable des  would hatch a plan to rescue the poor little b*****res

this would need stealth   and a band of faithful ztec pinto and duratec owners to pull it off

so I summand des at 2.00 am that  morning  on the phone

he replayed what the hell you ringing for at this time have just started making love to debs

ok I said all ring you back in 30 seconds

then rang glen and Julie he was polishing car still  and rang

martyn and sue he was fixing is head           on car

we all met the next day and glen and Julie fetched the car transporter,  and martyn and sue came up to make sure the welfare of the pup cars    in transportation where kept to the highest degree of ministry of transport regulations  and he still owed us some money so  we would sort him out at the same time

we then proceeded to ashby de la pooch and we araived at the the big warehouse.

when we all broke after about 3 hrs   we all went whowwwwwwww

there were the little z tec pups cars    with a ugly black carbon stripe down there backs and a cheep tin badge /collar on there face saying westpee  al marked up at £20000

the bast**d    we all said

   he’s defaced the poor little things  trying to increase the profit I would say

there  were other   cars all over the building even some saying SOLD      we all know that’s a lie    a bit like des es hp figures on his car

there was a a big red car that was out of the james bond movie  and I wanted that but   Des said it will brake before you get it home so leave it

we got the little pup cars onto the transporter and covered them over with a large tarpaulin sheet saying  AA

back to Barnsley WE WENT   we stored them ad posh deses for the night

before deciding what we could do

des went back to bed to well ?

glen went back to polishing

and martyn went back to fix sue a meen     his head

to be continued

 don’t have nightmares reading this

remember try before ya buy   or take one on 

that’s wat I said to deses girlfriend anyway