Ireland explained.

[John Dolan - Wirral & North Wales AO]

Pinched this from a friend on another site, I’m much wiser now 😳

 

So this is for the benefit of all my friends who are confused about a Hard Border in Ireland. 

The capital of Ireland is Dublin . It has a population of a million people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They travel to Newry because it is in the North, which is not part of Ireland, but still pay in Euros.

Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be in Ireland , but a successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that it is now definitely in the UK. Had the campaign lasted any longer the North might now be in France.

Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland . It has a population of half a million, half of whom own houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the north but not in the North. It is in the South. No, not the south, the South.

There are two parliaments in Ireland . The Dublin parliament is called the Dáil, (pronounced "Doyle"), an Irish word meaning a place where banks receive taxpayers' money. The one in Belfast is called Stormont, an Anglo-Saxon word meaning 'placebo', or deliberately ineffective drug whose effects can disappear without a trace.

Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary line on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump their chemical waste and bi-products. Protestants are in favour of the border, which generates millions of pounds in smuggling for Catholics, who are totally opposed to it. Travel between the two states is complicated because Ireland is the only country in the world with two M1 motorways. The one in the North goes west to avoid the south and the one in the South goes north to avoid the price of drink!

We have two types of democracy in Ireland . Dublin democracy works by holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the result. If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum is held again. Twice in recent years the government decided the people's choice was wrong and ordered a new referendum. Belfast democracy works differently. It has a parliament with no opposition, so the government is always right. This system generates envy in many world capitals, especially Dublin .

Ireland has three economies - northern, southern and black. Only the black economy is in the black. The other two are in the red.

The North's biggest industry is the production of IRAs. All versions of the IRA claim to be the real IRA but only one of them is the Real IRA.  Consequently, we now have the Provisional, Continuity, The Real IRA and I cant believe it is not the real IRA. The Real IRA is by far the most popular among young graffiti writers simply because it is the easiest to spell.

If a Hard Border comes into effect we will most deferentially see a rise in the smuggling of Tayto. No not that Tayto, the real Tayto.  Dont get me started on Dairy Milk. No not Derry milk. D-A-I-R-Y. 

The Price of Dohertys Mince is sure to sky Rocket as it becomes illegal in the south. No not the South. I thought we covered that part. Ah Never Mind. 

I trust this clarifies things and has answered many previously unanswered questions for you. 😉

[Man On The Clapham Omnibus]

Clear as a pint of Guinness! Not Guinness made in Park Royal (west London) as that factory got demolished - no, not by any of the IRAs, but by O'Flaherty and his men.  😏

[Andrew O Byrne White - Ireland AO]

Not OK. Posts like this are not helpful and are in fact quite rude. I know to most people this probably seems like harmless fun but I'm pretty tired of the amount of these sorts of reductive posts which are incredibly selective with their facts circulating at the moment. Please stop them. As an Irish person some of the statements about my language, culture and country on here are quite offensive. 

[DonPeffers]

Apologies to Andrew and no upset intended and I've removed my like.

 

I thought the OP was humorous and laughter was the best medicine.

[jim_l]

I guess some people are wondering how to react this exchange, I  hope you don't mind me intervening. 

 

I am in process of being educated by my grown up daughter that there has been a significant change in the way the world thinks about references to race, creed, colour, gender, sexuality, etc.   We used to think it was all OK as long as no offence was meant, and I am absolutely certain no offence was meant here. 

 

The new way of thinking is that, to judge whether something is offensive is with each reader, not the writer, and as Andrew has expressed that he saw offense in it, we shouldn't do it. 

 

The way to think about this from Andrew's point of view is, if he heard a joke about the Ireland once, he may shrug his shoulders, but in fact Andrew has probably heard thousands of jokes about Ireland, and it be wearing a bit thin.  The new word for it is micro-aggressions I think, and they are cumulative. 

 

I too saw the funny side in this. and Andrew pointed out that the fun is at somebody's expense.  Us oldies, sorry peeps, are playing catch up. 

 

Interpreting how EACH reader is going to take your post is an incredibly difficult thing to do,  I'm just playing catch up like most of us, but I do believe that is the way forward. 

 

Jim

[Kevin Pullen]

It’s difficult I’m from Essex and have heard or told most of the “Essex jokes” doesn’t make it right but think we need to be respectful of other members views or opinions if something is deeply offensive report it and let the moderator team deal with it, we are all grown ups or at least should be, deliberately offensive or inflammatory comments are not on.

 

but let’s not become  “snowflakes” some may find it offensive some may find it funny, I treat forums and Whattsapp groups etc. The way I would treat a normal conversation if it’s not on say so, if you don’t like it walk away.

[Andrew O Byrne White - Ireland AO]

Fully understand and appreciate that there was no malice involved. Just please understand there is a huge amount of Irish history which simply isn't taught in the UK. It is in Ireland, which is why Irish people can get a bit touchy about these sorts of jokes. I'm not angry at anyone for making these jokes, and I'm sorry if it comes across as me having a go, I just want people to be aware that there's a lot more background here that doesn't get talked about in the brexit climate. For anyone genuinely interested, feel free to Google the origins of the phrase "to hell or to Connacht" just as one example. The history of northern Ireland goes back long before the IRA and the troubles. Sorry for the rant. 

[pistonbroke]

For goodness sake lets lighten up , as someone who is half Irish on my mothers side  (from County Donegal )  which is indeed in the South (but its also in the North  ) I have always loved something we British ( note the word British , not English or Irish or Scots or Welsh ) call " Banter " ( Oxford dictionary "Banter" the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks.) 

 

we are in danger of losing something unique to our race , its called " THE BRITISH SENSE OF HUMOUR " 

 

The best comedians in the world were, and still are,  Liverpudlians ,  aka "Scousers "  and Mancunians " Mancs" they are not alone in having a sense of humour which has helped to bring them through tragedy with an ability to laugh at the world and themselves when the going gets tough . 

I consider myself fortunate to live approximately halfway between the two tribes and can through my Irish ancestry understand and enjoy all forms of "banter"  

[John Dolan - Wirral & North Wales AO]

As the originator of this post, I’m from Irish ancestry, was born in London (actually a Cockney) and have a Scouse accent from my childhood in Liverpool. I also have quite a good sense of humour, am not easily offended and drive a Westfield.

 

However I could get offended if someone tries turning an article into something it wasn’t meant to be. And how did brexit get into this post? But I’m not offended, quite the opposite, life’s too short. Rock on.

 

As Bernie said, it’s called the British Sense Of Humour.

[Andrew O Byrne White - Ireland AO]

My posts seem to have been entirely misunderstood. I have no issue with banter about Ireland or in general. Feel free to joke about my accent, my fondness for a whiskey (spelt correctly, with an "e"), and someone is always going to make the potato joke. The last one I don't find funny but it doesn't bother me. I take the p*** out of myself and my country regularly, but there are historical points which in my view are bad taste to include in the banter box. 

 

Brexit came into it for 2 reasons. First, the original post specifically talks about a hard border coming into effect. Second, because there has been a massive increase in the number of these comments since the brexit vote in my experience.

 

I appreciate many are of Irish heritage, but if you grew up in GB, you've had a different education system, which doesn't include the history I'm referring to. That's all I meant.

 

That's all I'm going to say on the matter. Not looking to start an argument. Was purely hoping to make people a little more aware. Feel free to ignore it or take it on board however you see fit. 

[John Dolan - Wirral & North Wales AO]

Andrew, Brexit has highlighted the term Hard Border, but that wasn’t the reason for the post, and I wouldn’t want this to become political, that was never the intention. The border is almost 100 years old. No offence was intended, more to highlight the Irish (both sides) peculiarities, enduring sense of humour, despite partition and the troubles. If I had a pound (sterling) or euro for every time I’ve been laughed at or joked about because of my accent I’d be a rich man. And happy. 😉

Edited September 28, 2019 by bollockybill
Oops, meant to reply, not edit.

[Blatman]

It was neither a joke nor commentary. It was satire. And if I can recognise it I'm surprised it passed everyone else by...

[pistonbroke]

Wheres Spike Milligan when you need him ?

 

Anyone here ever read Puckoon        

[Arm]

Sorry I see the humour in it. It's intended to be humorous and for me it was. I can't and won't change that view. If it upsets others then I have sympathy but I won't change my perspective to be pc. 

[John Dolan - Wirral & North Wales AO]

 

Think we’ve all done this.

 

That’s not me, by the way, I’m much better looking.