simon besant Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AidanPlace Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas and I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing; I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by Man Utd, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen yet I receive fan mail. Last summer I toured England with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic yet my bills are all unpaid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka and a whipping at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis. I am currently spending a “year out” at the Portadown Home for the Bewildered. Might also be a financial adviser Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
windy Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Test Engineer at a proving ground. I turn a new car that no-one has ever seen before into a knackered one in a matter of weeks, then give the manufacturer a detailed report summarising what went wrong with it. Repeat the process several times if necessary with new / re-designed parts fitted until it reaches the required standard to be able to go on sale. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CraigHew Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 "Might also be a financial adviser" That certainly helps with putting your post into context....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AidanPlace Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 "Might also be a financial adviser"[/size] That certainly helps with putting your post into context.......[/size] Well......... I have a lot on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamR Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Interesting thanks, impressive site. I used to have a few friends with 20" wheeled Monty's - I used to lust over the Monty X-Lite back in circa 1999 ish! That M5 Carbon on your site looks unreal!!! Ah, thanks. Small world though! I think everyone hankered after one of those, haha. The M5 is indeed pretty impressive, they have started doing alloy versions of the same design too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tisme Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Just wondering why almost no one states the company they work for. I took "early release" a few years ago after 40 years in the IT business - pre-sales technical support for large hardware / software companies (IBM, Storage Technology, Computer Associates and finally BT !!) I enjoyed most of it but working for American companies certainly demands all your time. 10 years at BT was interesting as they tried to enter the world of "IT" and certainly a completely different mind set to those more aggressive other companies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wills 57 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Just ended contract with the Forestry Commision as a deer contractor ( hired killer )...! now setting up a business selling Venison Burgers yum yum...! William 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave1888 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I'm a QEHS Specialist and work for a huge international company. Most of my time is spent on Health & Safety, but I prefer the Quality part. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SootySport Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Just ended contract with the Forestry Commision as a deer contractor ( hired killer )...! now setting up a business selling Venison Burgers yum yum...! William Shouldn't your forum name be the 'Deerhunter' ---------------------------and will you sell venison steaks by post? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clansman Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Just ended contract with the Forestry Commision as a deer contractor ( hired killer )...! now setting up a business selling Venison Burgers yum yum...! William I can vouch for the burgers yum yum yum :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Thorne Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 According to my friends Not a lot!! So true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onliest Smeg David Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 I'm a farmer... So generally spreading crap on the roads and holding you up Believe it or not, most of us actually try not to do this more than absolutely necessary. I grow barley for malting in the whisky distilleries, and beef for scoffing with yorkshire puds / onion rings / buns. I'm also a director of a red meat & other products company. I had a wisdom tooth out on Tuesday and had to go out at 9 pm to calve a cow. sometimes 9 to 5 sounds awesome Definitely not a 9 to 5 industry. Spent some time as farm laborer before, during and after agricultural college... Cereal farms Cider Apple and Fruit picking Pigman Dairyman Shepherd Beef cattle One period was up at 3am for milking, then combining after breakfast (20mins) till lunch(1hr), 2nd milking after lunch then working through till midnight combining again (with tea on't'hoof so to speak)! then repeated for a fortnight when head dairyman was back off hols! Another was during 24hr lambing over 3 weeks on 12hr night shifts with other 'essential' work being done when off lambing shift 18hr+ days. Quickly decided farming wasn't for me as was never going to own a farm, and at that time it took an average of 10 years to get to a management level on a large farm. I now (for last 25 years) enforce EU Regulations for Fresh Horticultural Produce for government agency or as SWMBO inaccurately calls me 'spotty spud checker'. Have also been (some paid, much voluntary)... Acting Outdoor Pursuits Co-ordinator with Borough Council (roughly 6+ Months), Managed Duke of Edinburgh Award Expedition Training including being responsible for staff and over 75 young people (all on same weekends!) undertaking expedition training and assessments in Lakes and Dales. Outdoor Instructor Duke of Edinburgh Award Leader Youth Leader and still undertake some Navigation Training and Duke of Edinburgh Award volunteering Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajpearson Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 I have spent the last 12 years at Her Majesty's Pleasure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pistonbroke Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Is that the same as pleasuring her majesty ? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.