Phssthpok Posted August 25, 2002 Share Posted August 25, 2002 Next month Frank, my American father-in-law, is visiting us for 2 weeks. Now, Frank’s a genial old man, with a ready smile and firm handshake. Fast approaching his 60’s he’s been most places and done most things and is looking forward to doing a great deal more. Unfortunately Frank has one major character flaw: he will not admit he’s as bald as a coot with severe alopecia. For last 30 years, Frank’s worn a selection of the most atrocious ginger, nylon toupees seen outside a Chris Evan’s look-a-like competition. He will not even admit to his wife that he’s bald, even though his rug regularly falls off at night and, on one occasion, ended up adoring the thanks-giving turkey when he injudiciously coughed while carving. So, what’s my bald father-in-law got to do with Westfield’s I hear you muttering. Well, my Westfield is the nub of the problem you see. Frank’s a car nut and there is no way he’s not going to insist being taken out in the topless one. If I were a betting man, I’d say that the wig will stay on for about 3.5 seconds, or roughly the time it takes to hit 30mph. So I need suggestions, especially from toupee wearing Westfield owners, and will consider anything short of nailing the bl**** thing to his head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westy Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 Get a piece of pink ribbon and tie it round his head and toupee, perhaps using a bow for the knot on top of his head. Get him to sit in the passenger seat upside down thus insuring no wind turbulence Put the hood up Tie the toupee to the roll bar so it only drops in to the boot box when it falls off, thus easily collectable when he gets out of the car with all the chicks watching Get him to wear a crash helmet Drive at 0.5mph Don’t do anything Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hilux Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 Gel it into a rear spoiler shape... the downdraught will keep it on Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomcat Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 End the problem of his denial to freinds and family of the fact that he could win a Duncan Goodhew lookalike competition by getting him straight into the Westie before he has chance to glue in on, and nail it, the syrup will make a fast exit and he will have to return minus hair and admit to the world he is bald! Problem solved! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Westy Posted August 27, 2002 Share Posted August 27, 2002 Get yourself a pair of those deer stalker type hats that have bits to cover your ears and tie under your chin. To make it authentic you have to wear one too, tell him that driving in such a fast open topped car will make his ears very cold and thus to protect them you must wear this silly hat all the time. That's if you want to save him a blush...if not, just buy one aforementioned hat, sling it at him saying "here you go, Wiggy, this'll stop your mat from falling off during the journey" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisbin Posted August 27, 2002 Share Posted August 27, 2002 After 3.5 seconds, you've only got to 30...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phssthpok Posted August 27, 2002 Author Share Posted August 27, 2002 After 3.5 seconds, you've only got to 30...... ...be fair, that is with my daughter strapped to the rear wheel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisbin Posted August 27, 2002 Share Posted August 27, 2002 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmmmdonuts Posted August 27, 2002 Share Posted August 27, 2002 Just make sure you have a camcorder running at the time of the wig departure, thus ensuring £250 from Ms Riley on telly. £250 could ease a lot of embarassment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rusty Nuts Posted August 27, 2002 Share Posted August 27, 2002 strap him to the spare wheel instead of your daughter with pink ribbon strategically placed around his nylon piece Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Westfields Rock On Posted August 27, 2002 Share Posted August 27, 2002 pull off the sump just before he arrives and say '' ooops im working on it at the mo'' chloroform tell him to pull on tight baseball cap which reduces the buffeting effect on the face buy him a '' worlds best father in law '' hat which he more than likely wear a la westy chloroform say '' move it or lose it '' (the rug) steal the wig before head i mean hand or i will ''remove'' him for a fee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phssthpok Posted August 28, 2002 Author Share Posted August 28, 2002 i will ''remove'' him for a fee How much? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The five fingered widow Posted August 31, 2002 Share Posted August 31, 2002 Ask Tony Blackburn for some tips. His syrup seems to stay on pretty well in that celebrity version of survivor that I'm not watching at the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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