pistonbroke Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Fatbloke goes to Doctor with grion pain ....... Docter examines him and says .......... Did you know you have a steering wheel stuck between your legs ? ....... Fatbloke replies ................ Yes , its driving me nuts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hank Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 A man went to the doctor's office to ask for a double dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose. "Why not?' asked the man. "Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor. "But I need it really bad,' said the man. "Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor. The man said, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; My ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a double dose." The doctor finally relented saying, "Okay, I'll give it to you,but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects." On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his right arm in a sling. The doctor asked, "What happened to you?" The man said, "No one showed up." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffC Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 Steve and Rachel were walking home from the pub when Rachel says she needs a pee. So she goes behind a bush and drops her knickers. Feeling half cut and horny Steve sticks his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between her legs. He jokingly asks, "Have you had a sex change?" Rachel replies, "No, I've changed my mind. I'm having a s**t." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pistonbroke Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 A Northern Territories ranch hand, radios back to his Ranch Manager, over 100 miles away. 'Boss, I got one helluva problem out here, I've hit a ruddy pig with the truck. pig seems 'OK', but he's real stuck in the 'roo-bars and he's wriggling and squealing so badly, I just can't get 'im out. The manager says,'Ok, there's a 303 Rifle behind the seat in the rack, take it out and shoot the pig, then you should be ok to remove it.' Fair dincoms boss, says the ranch hand .... But five minutes later the ranch hand calls back... 'I did exactly what you said Boss, took the gun out, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the roo-bars. no problem there, but I still can't go ' ? 'So what's the f*king problem na mate?' raged the annoyed Manager. "Well boss, it's like this .... its his b****y motor-bike.... its stuck under the wheel arch and the b****y blue light on the back, it just won't stop flashing..' ' Hullo............................................... 'ullo Boss - you still there ? ' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffC Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 What's long and hard and makes a Women moan? an Ironing Board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hank Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting outside the ladies dressing room for his mom to come out. While waiting, the little boy gets bored and, spying a mannequin, wonders over to it. The mom comes out just in time to see him sliding his hand up the mannequin’s skirt. “Get your hand out of there!” she shouts. “Don’t you know that woman have teeth down there?” The little boy quickly snatches (bad choice of words?) his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn’t get bitten. For the next 10 years this little boy grew up believing all women had teeth between their legs. When he was 16 he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents were out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, “You know you could go a little further if you want, too.” “Huh?” “Well…why don’t you put your hand down there?” she says, pointing to her crotch. “Hell, no!” he cries. “You’ve got teeth down there!” “Don’t be ridiculous,” she responds, “there’s no teeth down there.” “Yes there are,” he says, “my momma told me so.” “No, silly, there aren’t any teeth down there,” she insists. “Here, look for yourself.” With that she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek. “No, I’m sorry.” he says. “My momma already told me that ALL women have teeth down there.” “Oh for Christ’s sake!” she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, “LOOK, I DON’T have any teeth down there.” The boy takes a good long look and replies, “Well, with the condition of those gums I’m not surprised!” She took someone else to the prom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
housebeautician Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 When love fades. A man was sitting on the sofa when he heard his wifes voice coming from the kitchen. what would you like for dinner love? chicken beef or lamb. He said thankyou ill have chicken f**k you A******e, your having soup, i was talking to the cat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pistonbroke Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Little Johnny runs into the kitchen and shouts ...... "Mummy Mummy" Grandma's got a prawn , quick quick come and see. Mummy puzzled follows little Johnny into the living room and there is Grandma , snoring away in the easy chair with her legs akimbo and showing her clouts to the world .. Look, there, says Johnny Silly boy say Mummy , thats not a prawn , its just grandmas vagina . Oh! says Johnny .... But ..... It sure does smell like a prawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liam Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 This thread is doing more for recycling than any government Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wacomuk Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Children in the backseat can be the cause of accidents... Accidents in the backseat can be the cause for children.... BBC Sport headline: Woods pulls out of own tournament. Well I hope he has better luck than he did pulling out of the driveway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobK Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women. They are mixing the Clio and Taurus, and calling it the 'CLITAURUS'. It comes in pink, with or without fur on the dash. And the average male thief won't be able to find it, even if someone tells him where it is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobK Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 A priest books into a hotel & says to the hotel clerk I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled. She says No sir, its just regular porn, you sick b*****d! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobK Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 After a visit to a ****** house, a man notices a lump on his dick so goes to docs. "that's serious" says doc, "u know how wrestlers get cauliflower ear?" "yes," says man nervously. "well,"says doc, "u've got a brothel sprout!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobK Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Guy goes to the doc's and says "doc I've got a sex problem" the doc asks what's up so the guy says "well first of all my wife wakes me at 5am for a 2 hour ******* before work" the doc nods and is about to speak when the guy says " that's not all, on the train to work there's a blonde conductress who lets me off paying if I ******* her". "I see" says the doc. "No you don't, cos then at work I've gotta f**k my female boss just to keep my job, my secretary so she won't blab about me ****** the boss, the waitress at the local restarant so she'll keep our table, the conductress on the way home and then my wife the minute I get in the door" quite taken aback the doc asks "so what exactly is the problem?" "Well" says the guy "It hurts when I w**k" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobK Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 One day little Jimmy hears a noise and peaks into his parents room to check it out. He finds his mum bent over the dresser with his dad goin at it behind her. His dad sees him and winks at him as he closes the door. After he's finished he goes to check on Jimmy. When he goes through the door he sees grandma bent over the bed with Jimmy goin at it behind her, dad shouts what the f**k is goin on. Jimmy replies not so f****n funny when its your mum is it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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