brianm Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 It was the Seventh day, God was in his heaven looking down admiring his creation when he spotted Adam. Adam, he boomed down, how are things in the world today? "Oh, it's great God, every thing's great", replied Adam. But wait a minute, where's Eve? Oh it's ok God, she's just gone down to the river.........., (to wash her f***y)........... Oh , I wish she wouldn't do that, I'll never get the stink out of the fish. Quote
TerryC Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 What's the difference between a Kangaroo and a Kangaroot? One's a marsupial, and the others a trapped Geordie. Quote
pistonbroke Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 Bruce and Sheila have just had there bungalow re -decorated and at great expense they have had all the floors laid with the finest italian marble tiles and new kitchen and bathroom extension . Sheila decided to try out the new power shower and duly bathed in untold luxury Unfortunately while climbing out, Sheila slipped on the new tiles and did the splits as she landed on the tiled floor . Due to the effects of nature and suction , she found herself firmly attached by the mantrap to the new floor . Bruce heard her shouts for help and ran into the bathroom to find Shiela spreadeagled and firmly stuck by her female oriface to the new tiles , no matter how much he tried he could not seperate poor shiela from the floor Its no use said Bruce Ill have to go get help , and with that he ran next door and asked his neighbour Chris if he could lend a hand . The two men tugged and heaved for all they were worth but Shiela remained firmly planted . Theres only one thing to do, says Chris , we'll have to smash the tiles around sheila and get her to hospital , Ill pop to me garage and get me hammer and a chissle. Rightho matey, says Bruce , you go for the chissle while I play with Sheilas t**s ! play with her t**s ? will that help ? asks Chris . Well says Bruce , if I play with her t**s , I can get Sheila wet , then we can sliiiiiide her into the kitchen Cos the tiles where a lot cheaper in there Quote
blankczechbook Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Dyslexia certainly hasn't dented my mate's confidence. Just the other day, he went to see Lennox Lewis at a book signing, and he reckons he managed to take him down with just one punch. i must be stooopid. someone please explain this one. Quote
Cider1 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy When asked why such a big password....... she said that it had to be at least eight characters long. Quote
brianm Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Dyslexia certainly hasn't dented my mate's confidence. Just the other day, he went to see Lennox Lewis at a book signing, and he reckons he managed to take him down with just one punch. i must be stooopid. someone please explain this one. Someone thumped Leonna Lewis at a signing, Please keep up, Quote
JeffC Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 Dyslexia certainly hasn't dented my mate's confidence. Just the other day, he went to see Lennox Lewis at a book signing, and he reckons he managed to take him down with just one punch. i must be stooopid. someone please explain this one. Someone thumped Leonna Lewis at a signing, Please keep up, thanks for that Quote
blankczechbook Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 wheres the x in Leonna ? cheers Jeff - i kinda hoped it wasn't just me alone being thick. my addition to the thread will be just two words, more explanation should not be needed to raise a smile... i give you; " four candles " makes me giggle just saying those words. Quote
Bean Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 wheres the x in Leonna ? cheers Jeff - i kinda hoped it wasn't just me alone being thick. Are you not familiar with Dyslexia either? Agreed, it's not funny if we have to explain it Quote
Bean Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing a Celtic top walked into ASDA in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow's east-side) with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?' The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'f**k naw, they're no twins. The auldest wan's 9, and the ither wan's 7. Why the f**k would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?' 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam.' replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.' Quote
brianm Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 wheres the x in Leonna ? cheers Jeff - i kinda hoped it wasn't just me alone being thick. Are you not familiar with Dyslexia either? Agreed, it's not funny if we have to explain it It's not a joke that is particularly pointed at Dyslexia, the funny thing was that CZ was way behind with the news, sorry if I have offended anyone Don't forget almost every single joke written takes the P**s out of a minority/ disadvantaged / racially different group. It only becones serious when folks take it seriously Quote
Cleggy the Spyder Man Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing a Celtic top walked into ASDA in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow's east-side) with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?' The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'f**k naw, they're no twins. The auldest wan's 9, and the ither wan's 7. Why the f**k would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?' 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam.' replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.' that's a good un Quote
brianm Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 wheres the x in Leonna ? cheers Jeff - i kinda hoped it wasn't just me alone being thick. my addition to the thread will be just two words, more explanation should not be needed to raise a smile... i give you; " four candles " makes me giggle just saying those words. Now you will hyave to explain that one to me? Otherwise I'll get the billhooks out Quote
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