Dibby Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Good news for Narcoleptics Only 178 more sleeps till Christmas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffC Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 A woman with tiny breasts goes into M&S and asks for a bra, size 32AAAA. Assistant told her that they don't do anything that small.She goes into La Senza and asks for the same. Again she was told they don't do that size. After several stores and the same answer, she storms into Debenhams, marches up to the lingerie section, pulls her top off and yells "Do you have anything for these?" The assistant replies "Have you tried Clearasil?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
echoz Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibby Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Good news for insomniacs Only 2 more sleeps till Christmas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Rabbetts Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 A Chinese family of 5, named Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu decided to emmigrate to the United States. In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American standards: Chu became Chuck. Bu became Buck. Hu became Huck. ..................................... Fu and Su decided to stay in China. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liam Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 A woman found out that her dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the vet. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the woman that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. The woman went to the chemist and bought some "Nair" hair remover. The pharmacist said, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." The woman said, "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days." She replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer." The pharmacist replied, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dombanks Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 a banker a tory MP a techer and a daily mail reader are sat around a table infront of them is a plate with 10 biscuits on it. before anyone can say anything the banker scoffs 9 of the biscuits, then the tory MP turns to the daily mail reader and says "watch out - that teacher is after your biscuit" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffC Posted December 14, 2011 Author Share Posted December 14, 2011 A WOMEN WANTS BIGGER BREASTS AND ASKS HER HUSBAND WHAT HE THINKS WHICH HE REPLIES " try pressing your breasts into the couch and leaving them there all day " DO YOU THINK THAT WILL WORK SHE SAYS TO WHICH HE REPLIES " WELL IT'S WORKED ON YOUR A*** " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffC Posted December 15, 2011 Author Share Posted December 15, 2011 A zoo keeper gets raped by an elephant and gets rushed to hospital for treatment , the doctor examines him and asks why his A*** as been stretched to 10 inches when a elephants willy is only 4 inches thick ,,,, the zoo keeper starts to cry and says the tw*t f*ngered me first Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mooch Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Following the problems in the Eurozone, uncertainty has once again hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank are soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank are reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Fuji Bank has a mountain to climb if they are to survive this crisis and the statements from the Sudoku bank have been quite puzzling. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lippydave Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Ford has announced plans to acquire French automaker Renault and engineering teams have already joined forces to create the perfect small car for women. Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus,' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it. Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month and can be a real b***h to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over. New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger. This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace it as needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerryhzx12 Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 The above reminds me of Ford's first venture into sustainability, the Ford Pubic - made of recycled cors'airs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erictharg Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Lovely thread guys. No joke to add but it made my night reading it. Nice work! Oh - Wha'ts white and jumps up and down? Cum Dancing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerryhzx12 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 MY CHRISTMAS PARTY TRICK: I swallow 2 pieces of string, an hour later them come out of my A*** tied together. HONEST, I s**t you knot!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweet orange Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?? TINSILITIS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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