JeffC Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Police marksmen covering disturbances at Dale Farm, were required to open fire three times. They won a goldfish, a teddy bear and an inflatable hammer A Welsh muslim was caught ****** a sheep, when questioned about his actions he said it was islamb!!!!! Quote
Dibby Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives. Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss. An telum,u blody luvum.!! Quote
Dibby Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I entered an innuendo competition at the weekend but unfortunately I wrote too many... So I had to rub one out Quote
sweet orange Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Just got my letter back from SCREW-FIX direct.... Apparently its NOT a dating agency. Quote
frag68 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Glasgow Ned (equivalent of English chav) walks into the chemist and asks for 3 packets of condoms. The phamacy worker asks if he wants a bag for them. The Ned (chav) replies, Naw, she's no that ugly. Quote
lippydave Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Got stopped by a woman in the street today, she was conducting a survey. She asked me what I knew about Dwarves..... I said...."Very Little"...... Quote
lippydave Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday. He had a Wigan address My senile mate keeps knocking on his front door then goes round the back and into the house to answer it. I don't think he realises what he's letting himself in for! Just found out my Mum's got Alzheimers, hope it doesn't run in the family because my Mum's got it too... Quote
Lurksalot Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Apparrently there is a helpline opened up for traumatised Man U fans ..... 0161 616161 Quote
dombanks Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 paul McCartney has said his new marrage is already having problems ... Apparently Nancy spends twice as much on shoes as heather did.... Quote
lippydave Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 paul McCartney has said his new marrage is already having problems ... Apparently Nancy spends twice as much on shoes as heather did.... Yeah, apparently his ex is errr, kicking herself... Quote
pistonbroke Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 this is the joke thread the gay thread is over on Blatchat Quote
Dibby Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I know where he lives. __ I love Halloween: who's gonna take any notice of one more screaming schoolgirl in torn clothes and covered in blood? Quote
langy Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 A woman’s dog is drowning in the sea. A passing German dwarf dives in, pulls out the dog, resuscitates it and saves its life. “Are you a little vet” asked the woman. “A little vet?” said the German dwarf, “I’m f*cking soaked” Quote
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