Asterix Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Actual call centre conversations. Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'. Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'. Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'. Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------- Samsung Electronics Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?' Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'. Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?' Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- RAC Motoring Services Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?' Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ): 'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Directory Enquiries Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'. Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?' Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off the sign'. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?' Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland'. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'. Customer: 'OK'. Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'. Customer: 'No'. Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No'. Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me exactly what you have done up to this point?'. Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' twice and I wrote 'click' twice'. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'START' button displayed?' Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norman Verona Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 the old ones ARE the best. Keep 'em coming Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bhouse Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Even older but apparently true: This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without cause". Actual dialog of a former Word perfect Customer Support employee: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.", "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." ".......Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." ".......Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." "Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power outage." "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emma Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 My fave at the end of a call (especially a complaint) "OK Sir, so thats everything, did you take a note of my name?" Customer "No" "Good, well f**k off then" Love it!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blatman Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Even older but apparently true: According to Snopes only part of it is true... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norman Verona Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 This is true, I was there. Remember that this is motor trade. Going back to the 70's we were involved with a hybrid system which had 3 x 8" floppies. The copy procedure was to insert disc 1 in drive 1 and a copy in drive 2 and it would copy one to the other. Then repeat with discs 2 & 3. Just as we were packing up for the night the phone rings. Evening, I can't get it to copy. The support chap went through everything he could think of all to no avail. Then, after about 1/2 hour of trying the customer says: "When I went to put the copy into the drive I dropped it. It fell in some grease on the floor but I wiped it so it's OK" Several months later the same customer rings with the same problem. The engineer responds with "You haven't dropped the disc in some grease again, have you?" "No, I did drop the disc but caught it before it hit the floor. It bent in half but I straightened it" Did someone say something about being too stupid...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Talking of old ones: Here's one for you There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God,I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few quid. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. 'Christmas came and went' A few days into the new year, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was £4 missing, I think it must have been those c@nts at the Post Office Sincerely Edna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tubs Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 In a previous finacial institution for whom I worked there was a standing joke that a client had asked for his stock market investment to be sold and the proceeds sent to him by fax. Always thought that this was BS until I also received a letter, form a different customer, asking for the proceeds of a sale to be faxed to him or, if we couldn't fax it, then perhaps we could e-mail it. We did consider scanning a tenner and send him that but decided it was too likely that he would try to pay it into his bank. Tubs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carpetstu Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 One day while working at Comet I walked over to the display cabinet containing walkmans/personal stereos. Standing next to it was two guys, one of which was holding a sack of potatoes (no relevance but I did wonder why) The one guy asked me if I could tell him about the Walkmans, but did explain he wasn't buying but his friend who was with him was. He went on to explain I would have to talk to him because the buyer was deaf!!!!! At this point all I could do was P**s my self laughing, well come on what the fook is a deaf man doing with a walkman. Once composed they departed and a few minutes later I answered the telephone to another customer....... She explained she thought her microwave might be broken She had put a chocolate gateaux in to defrost for 25 minutes. When she opened the door to check if it had, she was presented with melted chocolate and hard sponge......... At this point I just couldn't contain my hysterics....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DerekJ Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 A long time ago, when 5.25 inch floppies were the norm (No, not our Norm) a secretary was told to copy the system disk last thing every day. She said that she knew how to do this so the task was left to her. Several months later when the system died..... She was asked for the last backup copy. So she went to her filing cabinet and pulled out a file. From the file she pulled out.... Wait for it...... I said wait....... An A4 sheet of photo-copy paper with a black 5.25 square in the middle. The file contained an identical sheet for every day, neatly date marked, that she'd copied every evening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pistonbroke Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Another from Comet Old lady brings her PC back to the store under warranty What seems to be the trouble with it ? Oh! she says , the computer part works fine , but the cup holder wont work any more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carpetstu Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 (BTW - The following is no a racial attack) 3 mobile like others now have their call centre in India... Yesterday I am forced to call them to discuss a small tech problem with my handset.. I am greeted by a guy who I think said "Ello yu is thruw to three mobile mi name iz Neil " My first response without hesitation was "lets get something straight your name really isn't Neil is it?" To my surprise he said "No but it sounds more English" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perksy Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 (BTW - The following is no a racial attack) 3 mobile like others now have their call centre in India... Yesterday I am forced to call them to discuss a small tech problem with my handset.. I am greeted by a guy who I think said "Ello yu is thruw to three mobile mi name iz Neil " My first response without hesitation was "lets get something straight your name really isn't Neil is it?" To my surprise he said "No but it sounds more English" You owe Me a new keyboard Mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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