Phssthpok Posted October 30, 2003 Posted October 30, 2003 ....... Q. What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A. A quarter pounder with cheese Q. What do elephants use as tampons? A. Sheep Q. Whats the difference between posh spice and a counterfeit dollar? A. One's a phoney buck Q. Whats the difference between an airfix model and David Beckham? A. One's a glueless kit Q. Whats the difference between a Caterham salesman and a stubborn chicken? A. Ones clucking defiance Q. Why do elephants have trunks? A. Sheep don't have strings Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. 2 but how did they get in it? Q. What does DNA stand for? A. National Dyslexic Association and finally..... ...2 elephants fall off a cliff BOOM BOOM! ......................................TAXI Quote
conibear Posted October 30, 2003 Posted October 30, 2003 What do you call a man exiting a Spanish Hospital? Manuel What do you call a Spanish man who's just had his vehicle stolen? Carlos Quote
conibear Posted October 30, 2003 Posted October 30, 2003 Japanese delivery man knocks at door of Nelson Mandela. Nelson Mandela answers, can I help you? Delivery man says "vinscreen viper votors" "derivery" Sir!. Mr Mandela replies, "you've got the wrong house" and shuts door. Next day, Delivery man knocks at door, says "stator votor" "derivery" Sir! Mr Mandela replies, you have the wrong house. Next day, Delivery man knocks at door, says "vinyl dasvords" "derivery" Sir! Mr Mandela replies, you have the wrong house and for three days now. Who do you want? The delivery man replies " Nissan Main Dealer"!!!!!!!! Quote
stu999 Posted October 30, 2003 Posted October 30, 2003 Whats the difference between a male giraffe and a JCB? One has hydraulics. And time for a favourite oldie..... Whats the difference between BSE and PMT? One is Mad Cows Disease, the other is an agricultural problem. Quote
Mrs Westy Posted November 1, 2003 Posted November 1, 2003 Another scandal is set to rock football. Pop star Sophie Ellis Bextor's dead body has been found in a French international footballer's hotel room ... ... ... ... The police are treating it as murder on Zidane's floor Quote
Fat Albert Posted November 1, 2003 Posted November 1, 2003 What's the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl? One shoots and can't hit What's the difference between a dachsund and a barrow boy? A barrow boy bawls out his wears on the pavement What's the difference between a police car and a pair of knickers? There's only one in a pair of knickers Quote
TerryC Posted November 1, 2003 Posted November 1, 2003 Whats the difference between the Duchess of York and a Walruss Ones got a moustach and stinks of fish, and the other ones a walruss Whats the difference between Fatima Whitbread and a bowling ball You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball, and at a push you could probably eat it. Terry. Quote
Liam Posted November 1, 2003 Posted November 1, 2003 So this duck goes into a bar and orders a pint of lager and a packet of nuts. The barman couldn't believe his ears 'Did you just speak he says?' 'Yes' replies the duck and repeats his order. 'I've never heard a talking duck before where are you from?' 'I work over the road on the building site' says the duck. Next day the duck comes in again with the same order. The day after, a man from the travelling circus comes into the pub and asks if he can put up a poster advertising for new acts. The barman tells him about the duck and that if he hangs on the duck will be in. However,the duck doesn't arrive and the man leaves. The duck comes in the following day and the barman asks where he has been and the duck tells him that yesterday was his day off. The barman says the circus man wants to see the duck and might have a job for him - much better than working on a building site. The duck says 'Circus, is that one of things with a big canvas tent?' 'Yes' says the barman. 'Oh' says the duck,........................ 'why do they want a plasterer then?' Is there a back door out of this place? Quote
Mark Stanton Posted November 1, 2003 Posted November 1, 2003 Seeing as it's a bad old joke thread Q. What do you call guy with a rabbit up his A. Warren Quote
conibear Posted November 1, 2003 Posted November 1, 2003 Q. What do you call a women who throws her bills in the fire? A. Bernadette. Q. What do you call a man walking across leaves? A. Russell. Q. What do you call an indian man situated between two house? A. Ali. Quote
brianm Posted November 1, 2003 Posted November 1, 2003 OK, going back to my school days Ist nun t 2nd nun; Where's the candle? 2nd nun; Quote
brianm Posted November 1, 2003 Posted November 1, 2003 OK, going back to my school days Ist nun t 2nd nun; Where's the candle? 2nd nun; Yes it does rather, does'nt it! coat?,coat?. Quote
S8ight Posted November 1, 2003 Posted November 1, 2003 two snowmen in a field. one turns to the other and says; "ere, can you smell carrots ?" Quote
hilux Posted November 2, 2003 Posted November 2, 2003 Did you hear the one about the queer gardener............... . . . . . . . . . . . . he was found dead................up to his balls in peat Quote
mogwi Posted November 2, 2003 Posted November 2, 2003 Two men in a bar decide to have a wager, the 1st men bets the 2nd a fiver that he couldn't drink the contents of the spittoon. "You're on" says the 2nd man and starts glugging away. The 1st starts yelling for him to stop, "OK, OK you've won the fiver!!" but he keeps glugging away. The 1st man starts puking and yelling for him to stop, but he keeps slurping and swallowing until he finally empties the spittoon. The 1st eventually regains his composure and says "Why didn't you stop you won the bet ?" "i couldn't" replies the 2nd man . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "It was all in one lump !!!!" Quote
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