Being serious for a moment…

[Phssthpok]

…..Ok, we’ve sorted out the Jessies, but what about the Westfield addicts? Those guys who start to sweat and become increasingly agitated if they’ve not had a Westfield fix every 6 hours. Answer the following questions truthfully and measure your SWA (Severity of Westfield Addiction)

….Do you carry a picture of your Westfield in your wallet/purse?

….Do you experience a sense of euphoria, excitementor relief when drive your Westfield?

….Over time, have you spent more and more time driving your Westfield in order to achieve these feelings?

….Do you sometimes feel empty, depressed or irritable when you have not been driving your Westfield as often as usual?

….Have you ever missed an appointment because you were too involved with a non-urgent Westfield related activity?

….Do you sometimes find your thoughts slipping towards a Westfield related mechanical conundrum when making love to your partner?

….Do you feel a need to spend time on mechanical contemplation every day?

….Do you routinely read  extracts from the built manual?

….Do you find it easier to talk to Westfield owners than to other humans?

….Do friends or family who do not share your interest in Westfields tell you that you spend too much time in the garage?

….Has your job performance declined because of your Westfield involvement?

….Have you ever tried, and failed, to leave the Westfield alone so you can attend to household tasks?

….Do your bum cheeks sometimes feel numb after driving?

….Do you spend more time than you intend to with Westfield related sites on the Internet?

….Do you ever get upset with yourself for wasting too much time searching for mechanical material on the Internet?

….When you are not online, do you think about getting back online to visit Westfield related web sites or make contacts with fellow drivers?

….Do you lie about the amount of time you spend on Westfield related activities?

….Have donations to Kingwinford ever interfered with repayment of other debts?

….Do you feel that your Westfield is more important than your family and friends?

….Do you engage in Westfield related activities even when they might interfere with your health? For example, winter driving while suffering from a sore or scratchy throat.

….Do you crave more contact with the Speed Series?

….Do you skip meals or eat in or near the garage so that you can spend more time with your Westfield?

….Do you ever sacrifice personal hygiene, such as shaving or showering to spend time on your Westfield?

….Does maintaining your Westfield require you to alter your sleep patterns at least one day each week?

….Do you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear a Westfield’s engine start up?

If you answer yes to 5 or more of these questions, consider selling your Westfield and buying a diesel Ford Fiesta, seeing a counsellor and joining the AA.