the bear Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Someone please tell me it's not always going to be like this. Just had a total engine rebuild, it only went in cos it was running a little hot and needed a tune. They fixed it and it was ready to come back and after road test is has a blown head gasket. Had it fixed only to find it still blows oil smoke, head off again and check the pistons and a fecked cylinder and piston cos of a circlip coming off. Loads of money, total engine rebuild to race spec and two weeks later the car should be back today and now.............. The carbs are fecked They now think the carb feeding number 4 is so b*******ed that it is pouring fuel in to the extent that it is washing the oil away on the cylinder. So I buys some carbs on ebay, a buy it now, I phone the guy to see if I can pick them up ( a round trip for me of about 7 hours) and guess what, he hasnt got them, they are due to arrive on Monday from Italy. So instead of taking it to a local show on Sunday in the promised sunshine no bl**** car!!!!!!!! Dont spose anybody in the Herts Beds Bucks Essex area has a spare pair of DCOE 40's they can loan me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S8ight Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 cheer up you miserable b******d Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man On The Clapham Omnibus Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 I wish I had, you sound like you need cheering up! It's frustrating when "experts" turn out to be guesswork merchants after all. I almost hesitate to say "if it ain't bust, don't fix it". At least you'll know it's as good as it can be when it's done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oioi Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 i found this.... it may help MAN: Oh, no. BEGGAR: Oof. bl**** Romans! CENTURION: Watch it! There's still a few crosses left. PARVUS: Up you go, Big Nose! MR. BIG NOSE: I'll get you for this, you b******d. PARVUS: Oh, yeah? MR. BIG NOSE: Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I never forget a face. PARVUS: No? MR. BIG NOSE: I warned you. I'm going to punch you so hard, you Roman git! PARVUS: Shut up, you Jewish turd! MR. BIG NOSE: Who are you calling Jewish?! I'm not Jewish! I'm a Samaritan! GREGORY: A Samaritan? This is supposed to be a Jewish section. PARVUS: It doesn't matter! You're all going to die in a day or two. GREGORY: It may not matter to you, Roman, but it certainly matters to us. Doesn't it, darling? MRS. GREGORY: Oh, rather. GREGORY: Under the terms of the Roman occupancy, we're entitled to be crucified in a purely Jewish area. PHARISEE: Pharisees separate from Sadducees. WELSH MAN: And Swedish separate from Welsh. VICTIMS: Yeah... PARVUS: All right! All right! All right! We'll soon settle this! Hands up, all those who don't want to be crucified here. VICTIMS: Ooh. Oh. Uh. Uh... PARVUS: Right. Next! SAINTLY PASSER-BY: Ah, look. It's not my cross. PARVUS: What?! SAINTLY PASSER-BY: Um, it's not my cross. I was, ah, holding it for someone. Um-- PARVUS: Just lie down. I haven't got all day. SAINTLY PASSER-BY: No, of course. Um, look. I hate to make a fuss-- PARVUS: Look. SAINTLY PASSER-BY: Uhh-- PARVUS: We've had a busy day. There's a hundred and forty of you lot to get up. GREGORY: Is he Jewish? PARVUS: Will you be quiet?! GREGORY: We don't want any more Samaritans around here. PARVUS: Belt up! SAINTLY PASSER-BY: Uh, will you let me down if he comes back? PARVUS: Yeah. Yeah, we'll let you down. Next! BRIAN: You don't have to do this. You don't have to take orders. PARVUS: I like orders. MR. CHEEKY: See? Not so bad, once you're up. You being rescued, then? Are you? BRIAN: It's a bit late for that now, isn't it? MR. CHEEKY: Oh, now, now. We've got a couple of days up here. Plenty of time. Lots of people get rescued. BRIAN: Ohh? MR. CHEEKY: Oh, yeah. My brother usually rescues me, if he can keep off the tail for more than twenty minutes. Huh. BRIAN: Ahhh? MR. CHEEKY: Randy little b*******. Up and down like the Assyrian Empire. Heh heh heh heh. Hello. Your family arrived, then? BRIAN: Reg! REG: Hello, sibling Brian. BRIAN: Thank God you've come, Reg. REG: Ahh, yes. Well, I think I should point out first, Brian, in all fairness, that we are not in fact the rescue committee. However, I have been asked to read the following prepared statement on behalf of the Movement. Uh, 'We, the People's Front of Judea, brackets, officials, end brackets, do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings to you, Brian, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom.' BRIAN: What? REG: 'Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the Roman Imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viniculture, and any other Romans contributing to the welfare of Jews of both sexes and hermaphrodites. Signed on behalf of the P.F.J., etcetera.' And I'd just like to add, on a personal note, my own admiration for what you are doing for us, Brian, at what must be, after all, for you, a very difficult time. BRIAN: Reg! Well, what are you going to do? REG: Good-bye, Brian, and thanks. FRANCIS: Well done, Brian. Keep it up, lad. LORETTA: Terrific work, Brian. P.F.J.: [mumbling] REG: Yeah. Right. And... P.F.J.: [singing] For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good fellow! And so say all of us! LORETTA: And so say all of-- [clap clap clap] BRIAN: You b******ds! You b******ds! CENTURION: Where is Brian of Nazareth?! BRIAN: You sanctimonious b******ds! CENTURION: I have an order for his release! BRIAN: You stupid b******ds! MR. CHEEKY: Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth. BRIAN: What?! MR. CHEEKY: Yeah, I-- I-- I'm Brian of Nazareth. CENTURION: Take him down! BRIAN: I'm Brian of Nazareth! VICTIM #1: Eh, I'm Brian! MR. BIG NOSE: I'm Brian! VICTIM #2: Look, I'm Brian! BRIAN: I'm Brian! VICTIMS: I'm Brian! GREGORY: I'm Brian, and so's my wife! VICTIMS: I'm Brian! I'm Brian!... BRIAN: I'm Brian of Nazareth! CENTURION: All right. Take him away and release him. MR. CHEEKY: No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian. I was only-- It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! I'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back! bl**** Romans! Can't take a joke! [exciting music] WORKER: Huuuh! The Judean People's Front! PARVUS: The Judean People's Front! OTTO: Forward all! WORKERS: Look out! The Judean People's Front! The Judean People's Front!... OTTO: Ve are the Judean People's Front. Crack suicide squad. Suicide squad! Attack! [drum roll] J.P.F.: Uh! Ugh. Aggh... OTTO: That showed 'em, huh? Oooh. [whump] BRIAN: You silly sods. JUDITH: Brian! Brian! Brian! Brian! BRIAN: Judith! JUDITH: Terrific! Great! Reg has explained it all to me, and I think it's great what you are doing. [sniff] Thank you, Brian. I'll-- I'll never forget you. MANDY: So, there you are! I might have known it would end up like this. To think of all the love and affection I've wasted on you. Well, if that's how you treat your poor old mother in the autumn years of her life, all I can say is, 'Go ahead. Be crucified. See if I care.' I might have known it would... BRIAN: Mum! MANDY: ...end up like this. Sex, sex. That's... BRIAN: Mum! MANDY: ...all young people are interested in nowadays. I don't know what the world's coming to. MR. FRISBEE III: Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say. Some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, Don't grumble. Give a whistle. And this'll help things turn out for the best. And... [music] Always look on the bright side of life. [whistling] Always look on the light side of life. [whistling] If life seems jolly rotten, There's something you've forgotten, And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you're feeling in the dumps, Don't be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing. And... Always look on the bright side of life. SEVERAL: [whistling] MR. FRISBEE: Come on! SEVERAL: Always look on the right side of life, [whistling] MR. FRISBEE: For life is quite absurd And death's the final word. You must always face the curtain with a bow. Forget about your sin. Give the audience a grin. EVERYONE: Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow. So,... Always look on the bright side of death, [whistling] Just before you draw your terminal breath. [whistling] MR. FRISBEE: Life's a piece of s**t, When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true. You'll see it's all a show. Keep 'em laughing as you go. Just remember that the last laugh is on you. And... EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life. [whistling] Always look on the right side of life. [whistling] MR. FRISBEE: Come on, Brian. Cheer up. EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] MR. FRISBEE: Worse things happen at sea, you know. EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! MR. FRISBEE: I mean, what you got to lose? You know, you come from nothing. EVERYONE: [whistling] MR. FRISBEE: You're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing! EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] MR. FRISBEE: Nothing will come from nothing. You know what they say? EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! MR. FRISBEE: Cheer up, you old b*******. Come on. Give us a grin. There you are. See? EVERYONE: [whistling] MR. FRISBEE: It's the end of the film. Incidentally, this record's available in the foyer. EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! MR. FRISBEE: Some of us have got to live as well, you know. EVERYONE: [whistling] MR. FRISBEE: Who do you think pays for all this rubbish? EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! MR. FRISBEE: They'll never make their money back, you know. I told him. EVERYONE: [whistling] MR. FRISBEE: I said to him, 'Bernie.' I said, 'They'll never make their money back.' EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oioi Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 the entire script can be found here for people as sad as me life of brian script Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the bear Posted July 16, 2004 Author Share Posted July 16, 2004 oioi you are sad! I hope you didnt type all that jsut for me? but looking on the bright side!!!!!! It will be seriously quick when I do get it back. Most of the problems it seems were there when I bought the car and the previous owner may or may not have been aware when he sold the car.. It has always been a little heavy through the oil breather and the head gasket they took off looked to be a lot newer than the last receipt for any engine work I got with the car. It seams the sequence of events was Improve throttle responce, fuel pump and regulator tune up blow head gasket skim head refit more oil smoke than before remove head b*******ed piston and scored cylinder rebore, new pistons, shells, oil pump and water pump grind. engine refitted rad leaks repair rad refit rad lose compression identify reason is fuel into cylinder scrap old Solex carbs buy new dellorto carbs argue with seller get nowhere sulk hope they source some temp replacements tomorrow decide it could be worse. Smile they said, it could be worse, So I smiled, guess what it was worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oioi Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 i had a speccie mate come to stay with me up on the toon last month wlaking down to the metro to go out on the p1ss some charver scum lass looked at him and said, "you should have gone to spec savers" I laughed btw bear - copy and paste is great Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Wood Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 A mate of mine was in a night club wearing those trendy shades with the wrap-around smoked glass lenses. -- like you need shades at 2 AM. Anyway, he was chatting up one of the barmaids all evening, we were taking the mick, he seemed to be getting nowhere. Just before closing time she beckoned him over, winked and started writing on a piece of paper. Suddenly he comes over all smug. He was unsufferable for 30 seconds. About as long as it took him to read the note, which said - yep, you guessed it "You should have gone to spec savers!". I nearly split my sides! Kevin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Seabrook Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man On The Clapham Omnibus Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 "Will it grow back?" "It's allright sir, only a scratch." I love the hermit in Life of Brian - sat for years in a hole till our hero comes along. Oh, and the "write that declention out a hundred times..." Biggus Dickus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man On The Clapham Omnibus Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Might have mixed up few Python films there ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldman Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 bl**** ell Bear! You think youre hard done to.I spilled me last glass of wine just now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the bear Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 Shot now that is bad, now I'm grumpy for you too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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