Fat Albert Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind will kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romance or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Seabrook Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick M Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 LOL !! Class *and printed off for future reference.... * Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turbo Tommo Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Not sure about that tho.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stu999 Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Father to son advice given by W.Bruce Cameron (probably). 1. Just make sure you dont get her preggers son.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Elworthy Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Totally agree with all of those rules, so what time shall I come round. I would also like to buy her some flowers, does she prefer Daffodils on a Piano or Tulips on an Organ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timo Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 you know what they say, if you have a son, you only have one pecker to worry about if you have a daughter, you have everyones pecker to worry about! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oioi Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 when i was 18, the then gf's dad waved a shotgun at me and said "if you ever upset my daughter, i will kill you" after changing my underwear i put it down to him being drunk and having a strange sense of humour. . . . . . . . . . . . . . a month later i was living in oz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Keene Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 nice bloke then... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronco Jr Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I've got two girls, b*******. My worst nightmare is they bring home someone like me.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oioi Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 could be worse bronco - they could bring someone home like me where do you live? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronco Jr Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Mr oioi, b******* off **reaches for shot gun catridges** here's your coat, Or come in my boy, now just sit down... while I plug your chair in... Funny if it went true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blatman Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 now just sit down... while I plug your chair in... Jasper Carrot gag? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronco Jr Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 You an elephant Mr Blatman, repository of all knowledge.... Now theres only one way to get rid of a mole..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blatman Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 I always get the nutter......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.