Nick Algar - Competition Secretary Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 1/ The Grim Reaper came for me last night , and I beat him off with avacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.2/ A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....3/ I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. AsI was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with acoffin , 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. Ithought to myself , they've lost the plot!!4/ My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday , so I wentto our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this , I thought , Ican get one cheaper off the web.5/ I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I couldcheck her balance , so I pushed her over.6/ I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.7/ I was driving this morning when I saw an RACV van parked.The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. Ithought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.8/ Statistically , 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.9/ My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can youbelieve that , 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing myBagpipes.10/ Paddy says "Mick , I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."Blow that"says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"11/ My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well , she's not exactlymy girlfriend yet.12/ I woke up last night to find the ghost of Julie Bishop standingat the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.13/ Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier inLondon. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.14/ The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on the kitchentable when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and cryingfor no reason. I thought to myself , "She's going through the change."15/ Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' , who hasstabbed six people on the bottom in the last 48 hours , believe theattacker could be following some kind of pattern.16/ Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!17/ Murphy says to Paddy "What ya talkin to an envelope for?" "I'msending a voicemail ya thick idiot!"18/ Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit onthe head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.19/ 19 paddies go to the cinema , the ticket lady asks "Why so many ofyou?"Mick replies , "The film said 18 or over." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Eastwood (Gadgetman) - Club Chairman Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Groan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SootySport Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Well, thats cheered me up, thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexander72 Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Very good.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norman Verona Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Terrible. But made us laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pickmaster Andy Lowe Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Cheered my up:) On the way to work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pubcrawler Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 20. This horse meat scandal has gone too far now......they've just closed our local pub. Someone found traces of Red Rum in one of the optics Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Colonial Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 21. I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck - turns out I phoned "Dial-A-Llama". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexander72 Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 that is a groaner Scott...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexander72 Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Colonial Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 You know the creature that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexander72 Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 My girlfriend says I have commitment issues.... well she says she's my girlfriend.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweet orange Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gadget Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Thought we would be safe, went to Tesco and bought some Veggie Burgers....... Turns out they have been contaminated with UniQuorn! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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