User0083 Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7sRWild Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 That one Cracked me up, near Split my sides laughing, really, from the Bottom of my heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terzo204 Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 Ok, not me... After a few beers and a BBQ a mates wife went to sleep. A few beers later my mate thought it would be a good YouTube clip to film him waking up his wife with a bottom burp to the face. Well he strained a little harder than he thought he would need to and to get it right he pushed a bit harder and... Well they got divorced a few months later. Not just that one episode, but I can guess it was part of the reason. I have searched all over you tube and I can't find the clip? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terzo204 Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 For legal reasons - yes that was a joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norman Verona Posted November 14, 2012 Author Share Posted November 14, 2012 They removed because it was crap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terzo204 Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 They removed because it was crap. Now you're just talking S***.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
User0083 Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 As said, bottom burp was gonna look good... Bottom splurge would've been far better. But sure permission from all parties would be required and doubt either party would've granted it! guest1983 YouTube name... Get ready to see funniest thing to happen to Mrs C!!! Hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FILFAN Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 As said, bottom burp was gonna look good... Bottom splurge would've been far better. But sure permission from all parties would be required and doubt either party would've granted it! guest1983 YouTube name... Get ready to see funniest thing to happen to Mrs C!!! Hahaha Couldn't hear the tyre squeal over the screams lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norman Verona Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 I have a feeling I've told this one before. If so don't bother reading it. A story about an officer and a horsebox During the 70s I had a contract with the MOD for servicing government vehicles based in central London. It included all the hospitals, army, navy and air force establishments including Beavers Lane camp next to Heathrow. Apart from Kings Troop, the SAS and the MPs we also had to service the vehicles of the Blues and Royals Troop, better known as the Household Cavalry. There are no privates in the Blues and Royals. The lowest rank is Corporal of the Horse. Corporal of the Horse McWilliams rang. He was very agitated. The Colonels designed horsebox had caused one of the Queens race horses to fall and it had been put down. A horse will lock it's front knee joint when placed in a moving vehicle so as not to fall. However the Colonel had ignored the advice of Lambourne, the leading horsebox builder and had designed the 'box with 2 horses facing backwards. The three horseboxes run by the troop were/are mainly used to transport the Queens horses to the countries race courses. The troops horses only went as far as the barracks by Hyde Park corner to Horse Guards Parade. So, I was given the job of taking this 'box away, getting it into our body building shop and fix the problem. No pressure then. In case you don't understand the Colonel of the Blues & Royals is known as Silver Stick and is the Queens riding master. We had to buy diamond tipped wood saws as the box was made with an African hardwood harder than mild steel. We rearranged the stalls so we had the front two horses to the right side, the centre two to the left and the rear two on the right. The centre and rear horses had their heads between the bums of the horses in front. 6 horses in the box all facing forward. When the job was finished I rang Mac and asked when he wanted it back. He made my day (not) by saying I should bring it back on Thursday as the troop were having a full dress rehearsal and the Colonel would be in attendance. I had an image of being thrown into the tower if he didn't like it. I had to park up in Rotten Row and drive onto the parade ground when the sentry nodded. I took Alf the bodyshop manager with me. We duly parked up and after a while I asked Alf if he thought the sentry was nodding. I could just see the peak of his cap going up and down. I drove onto the parade ground as the troop were being dismissed. They really are the business with breast plates, high steel helmets with plumage and swords dangling at their side, all mounted on their magnificent steeds. Some soldiers lowered the two ramps and went in with brush and pan which, of course, weren't needed. A group of officers approached from the office block. As they got near I heard one of the minions explain to the chap with all the brass that I was the chap who had fixed the 'box. The chap with the brass spoke to me. It was completely unintelligible to me, sounded like a dog barking. They went inside, walked about for a bit and came out. More dog barking emitted from the Colonels mouth and they disappeared. Mac came up to us and said the Colonel was very happy and they were very happy as if the Colonel wasn't happy their lives wouldn't be worth living. Off we went to the NCO mess. I've never seen so many optics on one wall in any pub I've been in, and I've been in lots. Every time the troop returned from overseas duties that bought plenty of the local booze back with them. “What you having” I looked at my watch and noticed it was 12:10. OK, I'll have a quick Whiskey and we must be off. “Get this man a treble whiskey” was the order barked to one of the two white gloved, dicky bowed bar tenders. A treble whiskey was placed in front of me. “1/3d was passed across. I had but taken a sip when someone else came in. “Who this” was barked. “It's the man who fixed the horsebox”, without hesitation another treble whiskey was ordered and placed in front of me. This went on, and on, and on. It's a miracle that I was still standing at 5pm when I eventually escaped back to my office. There were 3 times as many cars on the road as normal. When I got back to my office I slumped into my chair, went to lean on the arm of my chair, missed and ended up a heap on the floor. I was laughing too much to get up. There is a sequel to this story. 25 years later and I'm in Fagans in Sheffield for a lunchtime pint. A friend of mine comes to the bar and is waiting to be served. He's an amazing singer and guitar player. I asked him what he did apart from giving guitar lessons and playing gigs. He responds with “You'll never guess” I informed him he was right, I'd never guess. He then told me and I was flabbergasted. He had been a captain in the Blues & Royals and had done 2 tours of duty in Northern Ireland. He bought himself out rather than do a 3rd tour. I told him my story about the horsebox. As I did his jaw dropped. When I'd finished (it's a lot quicker to tell than type) he smiled and informed me that at all mess do's the troop raise a glass to “The man who fixed the horsebox” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7sRWild Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 I salute you sir.. Good one Norm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norman Verona Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 It's better when told. I can then do the officers bark much better. Just remembered another story. This one's not too long. Better do another post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norman Verona Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 So, army 3 tonner with a huge searchlamp on the back driven by it's own engine and gennie. It was winter, about 5pm so dark. The garage was right under the Post Office Tower, recently bombed by the IRA. I just couldn't resist. I started the gennie and pulled the contacts on. This huge bl**dy light shines into the night sky. I shut it down within a few seconds. A minute or two later we are surrounded by dozens of armed police. They thought we were the IRA about to blow up the Post Office Tower. Took some explaining. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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