Da Da, Da DA, Da Da

[Norman Verona]

The emergency - the ducks must have water

The solution

[Luapno]

Do the ducks appreciate the efforts you have gone to ?  

[jerryhzx12]

..was that a result of pooled resources ?

[Norman Verona]

Of course they do. They want to buy the house they're that grateful. Well they keep leaving a deposit on it.

We should have a few more soon as we've found another duck nesting and she had 8 eggs last time we looked.

[pistonbroke]

A happy duck is a tasty duck  

[RedditchJay]

ha ha ha  thats a quacking effort      

[Norman Verona]

well it's completely dried up tonight and the little ducklings are being thrown off the duck launching platforn by the adults so some help may be required.

I must tell you about the duck launching platform some time...

[Liam]

You need planning permission for an alteration like that.

I also want to know if the ducks were consulted.

Have alternatives been considered?

Was the wood for the plank from renewable sources?

Has an environmental assessment been carried out?

Was there a risk assessment both of the construction process and potential harm to the ducks?

Did you consider using a fully recycleable a tin bath?.

I am deeply concerned at the issues raised here and I think the whole project should be subject to a public enquiry.

However, if you apply to the government, you could get a grant to build a house for the ducks, over-riding all the above.  

[Dave Eastwood (Gadgetman)]

You need planning permission for an alteration like that.

I also want to know if the ducks were consulted.

Have alternatives been considered?

Was the wood for the plank from renewable sources?

Has an environmental assessment been carried out?

Was there a risk assessment both of the construction process and potential harm to the ducks?

Did you consider using a fully recycleable a tin bath?.

I am deeply concerned at the issues raised here and I think the whole project should be subject to a public enquiry.

However, if you apply to the government, you could get a grant to build a house for the ducks, over-riding all the above.  

If you ask nicely, there might be a second hand one going spare...    

[Norman Verona]

A "permit de construction" was sought. However the tax payable was thought to be extortionate so a temporary building was constructed which by passes a permit.

Th ducks were consulted and at first declined the aid offered. However when the remaining water reched below 10cm a deligation was sent requested a solution was provided - quickly.

Alternatives have been discussed (see above) but they were either too expensive, too complicated for my feeble brain or just bonkers.

The wood planks are not only from a renewable source (the pile of old shelving in the barn) but have been used before and will be used again.

An evoirenmental assesment has been carried out. I looked up how to spill it in a dic-doc.

Extensive testing was carried out to ensure no ducks were harmed in the construction and use of the launching platform. However the same testing resulted in a human getting out-of-breath blowing up the pool and a small splinter in the right hand little finger from the chipped plank. medical assistance was sought and after a thourough examination the human was declared dead so no more was thought of the matter and he went on his way.

A fully recyclable tin bath has been used in the past. However it went rusty so was scrapped.

I have carried out a public enquiry and it found in favour of the solution. Patrick thought it was OK after 4 pints, Dominic after 5 and I confirmed the findings after downing 6 pints and 2 whiskies.

Grants were sought but the Goverment reply was "oops, i said a naughty word! off English t**t"

[Liam]

I am very pleased to see that you acted appropriately and in full accordance with Commission Directive EU 2078/1989 - Aquatic and Shoreline Birds (not including Penguins) Rehoming, Sanitation and Emergency Plumbing Arrangements (as amended). Eurlex document reference 235167/345.  

[Norman Verona]

About 16 yaers ago I was invited by a neighbour, a Police Sergent in the South Yorkshire Police mounted section, to join the committee for the annual Police show held at Ring Farm, the facility where SYP kept the Police Horses in Cudworth near Barnsley.

At the first show about 300 people turned up, the second attracted about 600. All profits were distributed to local projects.

At that time, in the begining of a show that 10 years later attracted 30,000 people we would hold a duck race where the river was damned and 100 plastic numbered ducks would be purchased at 50p each and thrown in the river. The damn was then breached and the "owner" of the first duck past the winning line won £10.

I was concerned about the two foot bridges crossing the stream which ran through the farm. They were very narrow and were only wide enough to take one person at a time.

I mentioned this to Sergeant Sorsby. being the person he is, Sorsby set about a solution to the problem. He "borrowed" some railway sleepers from British Rail and some telegraph poles from BT. He also obtained 30 cubic metres of readymix concrete from a local firm. He then put all these ingredients in his magic mixing bowl and produced a huge bridge spanning the stream. So wide was the passagway that the large horsebox no longer had to be taked around the property to get from one paddock to the other but across the bridge.

I was present one day when the phone rang. I answered it.

"I have ACC Harris for Sgt Sorsby"

"BAZ, IT'S AN ACC ON THE PHONE FOR YOU"

pitter patter, pitter patter (do a policemans size 14s go pitter patter?)

"Sorsby here Sir"

"Ah, Sorsby, I have been informed that you have built a bridge at Ring Farm without estates permission"

"Bridge Sir, No Sir, I haven't constructed a bridge sir"

"Oh, I have been informed to the contrary Sorsby. Have you constructed anything at all"

"Well sir we have constructed a duck launching platform sir"

Suffice to say the bridge is there to this day and the large horsebox still uses it to go from one side to the other.

Now then, did I tell you about the surveyor who came to inspect and pass the bridge fit for use?

By the way an ACC is Assistant Cheif Constable the 3rd highest tier of management in the Police force after the Chief Constable and his deputy.

[Tim Reid]

Did you put it on expenses???    

[Norman Verona]

Tim, sorry, what expenses? And what did I put on these non-existant expenses?

I've got a sequence of photos of the 2 week old ducklings trying to get out of the paddling pool. I haven't downloaded them yet but it was hilarious to watcjh. They're OK now but the first time was funny.

I'll see if I can find time to upload them later.

[Nic Ayre]

What I want to know is.

Who pulled the plug out in the first place?

We have plenty of rain here if you want it!!