Making women happy

[Gromit]

How to make women happy - The points system

In the world of romance, one single rule applies; Make the woman Happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, but that’s the way the game is played .

Simple duties:

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)

You throw the bedspread over the rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her extra light panty liners with wings (+5)

In the snow (+8)

But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with a golf club (+10)

It’s her pet (-10)

Social engagements at a party:

You stay by her side the whole evening (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old college drinking buddy (-2)

Named Tiffany (-4)

Tiffany is a dancer (-6)

With implants (-8)

Her Birthday:

You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1)

Ok, it is a sports bar (-2)

And its all you can eat night (-3)

It’s a sports bar, it’s all you can eat night and your face is painted in the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A Night Out:

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

Its called Deathcop 9 (-3)

Which features Cyborgs which eat humans (-9)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Your physique:

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable pot belly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say “it doesn’t matter, you have one too!” (-800)

Communication: When she wants to talk about a problem:

You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)

You listen for over 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+100)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)

The Big Question: She asks “do I look fat?”

You hesitate in replying (-10)

You ask “Where?” (-35)

Any other response (-20)

Shamelessly robbed from another forum.

[SteveD]

errrrrrrrr why the hell would one want to make a woman happy

[Gromit]

Well it would take her mind of what you left in the kitchen sink for one.

[SteveD]

what is this obsession with sinks and showers ? i have done nowt i tell thee nowt !

[scott beeland]

 Now that's a quickfire retort!!!

[pistonbroke]

You wash the dishes after a meal (+10)

You tell her you found a new way to save on hot water (+20)

You P**s in the sink first (-2000)      

[Gromit]

     

[SteveD]

imho pissin in the sink (which i have never done)is better than a wardrobe or a shoe   or even in a pills bottle then leaving it on the table in the pub   for some one to mine sweep  

[Dave Eastwood (Gadgetman) - Club Chairman]

You tell her it'll make her hands nice and soft -10000

[SteveD]

let her hold it in her hands while you do it  +12000 points

[Nick Algar - Competition Secretary]

On friday you tell her you been to look at cars ( 0 )

On sat you tell her your going to replace your car ( 0 )

On monday you buy a car ( -500 ) you never told me you were going to do that!    

[Cleggy the Spyder Man]

sorta given up trying

[SteveD]

sorta given up trying

clegster you mean you actually  tried to start with    

[pistonbroke]

On friday she tells you she loves you  

On sat she comes home with a new handbag

On monday to clear the guilt she buys you a new suit

On  friday she goes for the matching dress hat undies and shoes (200 airmiles)

On sat she makes up by wearing the new outfit in the bedroom

On monday your to fecked to work all the overtime needed  to pay the card off, the cat wonders what it did to get the sore A*** .

You now cancel the holidays so you can work instead.

[Nic Ayre]

Telling the wife if she puts on any more weight, that she will need to buy me a Widebody (-2000)