Liam Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side, underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed. A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands and as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared.......... 'ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO!' COAT! Quote
Matt Seabrook Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Oh dear I heard that one when I was still in school Still makes me chuckle though. Quote
Man On The Clapham Omnibus Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Was the newspaper the Globe? "Globe: Artie chokes etc..." Quote
bhouse Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Was the newspaper the Globe? "Globe: Artie chokes etc..." No, but I think the Tesco concerned was in Jerusalem... Quote
pistonbroke Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Good story and my kinda joke it's the way you tell em Quote
Martin Keene Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Is this the standard of things we've got to look forward to now your going to be sat on your all day while Liz is at work... Quote
Liam Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 and to prove the point.... Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'but in just a few years, my father will die and I'll inherit £20 million.' Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and, three days later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much better at financial planning than men. Quote
dhutch Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Shows the state of the economy, when i last heard that the punchline was 'artie chokes three for a pound' although i cant remeber who the third was. Daniel Quote
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