Some humor for all those fretting about there

[Barry Ashcroft]

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked

readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,

subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here

are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the

subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an a*****e.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until

you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops

bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows

little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of

getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the

person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running

late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra

credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these

really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's

like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day

consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when

they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after

you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16 . Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into

your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm

in the fruit you're eating.

-------------------

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its

yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings

for common words. And the winners are:

1. coffee , n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted , adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one

has gained.

3. abdicate , v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade , v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. w***y-nilly , adj. impotent.

6. negligent , adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing

only a nightgown.

7. lymph , v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle , n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence , n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has

been run over by a  steamroller.

10. balderdash , n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle , n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude , n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by

proctologists.

13. pokemon , n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster , n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with

Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies

up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent , n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by

Jewish men.

[Norman Verona]

Excellent - a good mobile phone  

[Sir Greg]

Greate - Cheesy, but good!

[Hammy]

Marrow - A person worried to the bone about chassis availablity

[Asterix]

[pedant] Pah - 12, 15 and 17 don't comply [/pedant]

I see that no-one submitted "Merkin" in the 2nd list.

[zoso]

Lipsync - ladies intimate wash basin.

negligent - Chap who enjoys womens clothing

Rambling - jewelry for sheep...

All courtesy of I'm sorry I haven't a clue, without a dobt the funniest comedy show known to man....

[Blatman]

Vegetarian - poor hunter...

[Sir Greg]

Carnibore - a meat eating car bore

oops that's me.....