Friday titter

[Rory's Dad]

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

I'm there all ready      

Rory's Dad

[JeffC]

3 guys in speach therapy in dublin..

therapist  says " if you can tell me where you are from without stammering I"ll give you a bl*wjob....

Shaun says " Im from DDDDDDDDD ublin "

Mick says "Im from CCCCCCCC   ork "

Paddy says " Im from London

she drops to her knees in front of him to keep her promise ..

just as Paddy C*ms he shouts

...dddd erry        

[Martin Keene]

Bloke walks up to a woman in a night club and says 'My name is Bond'

Bird says: 'Don't Tell me, James?'

Bloke says: 'No, Uni... and I'm here to fill your crack!'

[Stuart]

The blond at the bar says to James Bond, "That's a lovely watch".  

Bond says "Yes it was made for me by M - it's a telepathic watch"

Blond - "So what's it telling you now"

Bond - "It's telling me that you aren't wearing any underwear"

Blond- "Well it's wrong 'cos I am"

Bond looks at the watch, shakes it, "bl**** things an hour fast"

[JeffC]

It was the happiest day of my life....

arrived at church ....

wife waiting at the altar...

walked up the aisle..

kissed her on the forehead..

and closed the F**%ing Lid.

 

[Gavin]

> > > >A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.The

> > > >waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a

> > > >coke,"

> > > >

> > > >and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

> > > >

> > > >"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

> > > >

> > > >A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

> > > >

> > > >"That will be £9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his

> > > >pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment.

> > > >

> > > >The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A

> > > >hamburger, fries, and a coke."

> > > >

> > > >The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

> > > >

> > > >Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount.

> > > >

> > > >For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the

> > > >week. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

> > > >

> > > >"No, this time it's a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and

> > > >salad," says the man.

> > > >

> > > >" Yep! Same," says the ostrich.

> > > >

> > > >Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be £32.62."

> > > >

> > > >Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places

> > > >it on the table.

> > > >

> > > >The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,sir.

> > > >

> > > >How do you manage to always come up with the exact money from your

> > > >pocket every time?"

> > > >

> > > >"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was clearing the attic and

> > > >found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two

> > > >wishes.

> > > >

> > > >My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just

> > > >put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be

> > > >there."

> > > >

> > > >"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a

> > > >couple of million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as

> > > >you want for as long as you live!"

> > > >

> > > >"That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact

> > > >money is always there," says the man.

> > > >

> > > >The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

> > > >

> > > >The man sighs, pauses, and replies, "My second wish was for a tall bird

> > > >with a big ar*e and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

> > > >

[PhilH]

A man walking along a Californian beach was deep in prayer.Suddenly the sky clouded,and in a booming voice the lord said" Because you have been faithful to me,i will grant you 1 wish" The mansaid "Build a bridge toHawaii so i can drive there when ever i want."

The Lord said "Your request is very materialistic.Think of the enormity of the undertaking.The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific!

The concrete the steel it would take! Its hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.Take some more time and think of something that would honour and glorify me"

The man thought for a while.

"Lord I wish i could understand my wife,how she feels inside,what shes thinking when she,s silent,Why she crys,what she means when she says there is nothing wrong and how to make her truley happy."

The Lord replies

"You want 2 lanes or 4 on that bridge".

[mike m]

A man parks in a disabled spot , a traffic warden sees him jump out the car looking in perfect health

The Traffic Warden shouts Oi whats your disability

The man replies

Tourettes   Now Fu(k off W@nker