Learn Yesell Geordie

[Fat Albert]

How Jackie! Gizzer broon  I say barman. Can I have a brown ale?

Fish lot'n stotty pet I'd like fish and chips with a bread roll please!

Whee's the netty man Could you direct me to the nearest convenience.

Haddaway'n' ****e Are you being serious?

Whaaat fettle bonny lad 'How are you old chap'

Noo divvent fash ya sen ' Dont get upset now'

Wheees b*******ed tha bandit 'I say, someone has broken the fruit machine'

Hoy yus a eavy 'ammer ower ' eer hinney 'Could you pass the mallet darling'

Its a caaad neet th'neet 'There's a bit of a chill this evening'

Haway hinney, whees me short. Aam gan oot on th' pop the neet like! 'Darling is my shirt ready - I have an evening appointment'

NEVER actually refer to those from Sunderland as Geordies. Locally, this is a special term of affection reserved for those from Newcastle, otherwise known as Skunks.

The reverse is also true. If in Newcastle best not even mention the word Sunderland whose natives are known to the novocastrians (and the rest of the northeast) as '(Sad) Makkum Bast'ds'

[Man On The Clapham Omnibus]

I was told by a fellow from Prudhoe (not the one in Alaska! ) that Geordies are born within the sound of Swann Hunter's buzzer - not the door bell type but the really big buzzer that tells the welders to don their masks for work. He spoke fluent 'pitmatic', said he 'had a pair of 'pi'yaccker's buuts' and regaled me with the story of 'Moses and the Israelites' in that dialect. The last line included ".... all except one poor wee lad who got his wellies stuck in the clarty" PMSL

[cast iron]

Where I work is right in the middle, our Japanese colleagues are intrigued by the mainly football biased abuse the two factions dish out to each other. The following is how the opposite sides tend to reffer to each other

From Newcastle - Fat Gerodie pie eaters - see most of the belly sticking out from under there crop tops known as football shirts

And to redress the balance

From Sunderland - Mackam Tw@ts - to which many Japanese engineers being introduced the local culture reffer to them as Malcolm Trouts

Me of course - I sit on the fence never wanting to offend anyone    

[bhouse]

And if you need to brush up on your Tyneside computing skills, Bill Gates can help:

(apologies to any who've seen it before   )

[pistonbroke]

I had an Uncle from Ashington ( mining town north of newky )

He was an asmatic collier with a real geordie accent .

First time we met he asked me something that sounded like

"hawaywarladanganganfetchusswarsportinpink"

He could have been talking martian for all I knew !

[Paul Hurdsfield - Joint Manchester AO]

When I was in the army (late 60s early 70s) my Regt, 1RRF was mainly Geordies, in those circumstances it doesent take long to become fluent  

And this

"hawaywarladanganganfetchusswarsportinpink

means

Hyah young un, go and get us the football pink  

[oioi]

charver dictionary

alfie v. To grass somebody up to the authorities, to tell tales:

Ch: "He puar alfied on me."

Eng: “I suspect he’s the reason I’m a suspect.”

a'narrrh v.The words ‘I know’, drawled slowly through what sounds like a a full nose of snot. This noise is used often and anywhere in a Charver conversation, to indicate agreement and understanding.

bail n. A convenient arrangement with the magistrates, that allows Charvers to continue robbing before their trial.

bar n. A basic unit of charver currency, equivalent to a full English pound. As in:

Ch: “Aah giv’im a good howkin’ and they ownly fined ‘iz fowty-bar.”

Eng: “I was fined a mere forty pounds for my latest ‘misunderstanding’.”

bella n. Bella Brusco, a cheap sparkling white wine that gets one peeved-up for a couple of quid a bottle. It’s the Charver Carva, perfect for that tab-lit chip supper and best served at bus-stop temperature. See also White ****e, Paggered and Monged-up.

belta adj. Expression of enthusiasm: top-notch, excellent, brilliant. Can be used to emphasise anything that is exceptional in Charver life.

Ch: “Swear to god, this tack’s proper belta.”

Eng: “Do you want to buy a tenner deal of horse ****e?”

bewer n. Older female of the Charver species. Not necessarily complimentary, if said to a young single lass.

Ch: “Aahm gan yairm to me bewer.”

Eng: “It’s time to return to the little lady.”

bizzies n. Adopted by Charvers who’ve watched a lot of TV Soaps (Brookie, etc.) from the Scouse word for police officers. See also polliss.

bucket n. Household implement part-filled with water, providing tab-less Charvers with a complicated method of getting off their tits on tack.

bus fare n. Many’s the time you’ll hear these words in a request by Charvers, and think the poor mites are stranded in town. They’re not. They’re thirsty.

Ch: “Can you lend iz ten-bob for me bus fare?”

Eng: “I’m fifty-pence short of a bottle of Bella.”

chaw To steal something, or to go on the rob.

Ch: “Wor kid’s oot on the chaw.”

Eng: “My brother is out gathering items for the household.”

chiv 1. n. Knife or sharp implement. 2. v. To stab someone.

chivved-up adj. Carrying a knife for mischevious purposes.

Ch: “Wotcha back Dazza, eez chivved-up.”

Eng: “Proceed with caution Darren, he appears to have a weapon.”

clivva 1. adj. Intelligent. 2 . adj. Healthy.

Ch: “Ye divvn’t look ower clivva.”

Eng: “Perhaps the last spliff has made you unwell.”

couple-on n. When a Charver lights a cigarette, his or her mates will instinctively shout “couple-on”. From then, the tab will be fought over by all ten or so of them, each trying to suck as much smoke as possible in their alotted two goes.

This leaves the runt of the litter with the filter:

Ch: “Leave iz the white, not the ****e.”

Eng: “I’d rather not inhale the filter, thank-you.

• See also fog-on and duck’s A***.

cowie n. Low-quality recreational drug sold to the unwary as ‘ecstasy’ and often taken in bulk. Also known as a ‘disco biscuit’.

Ch: “Aah wez proper cowied off me tits.”

Eng: “After seven pills I felt quite giddy.”

crib n. Where a Charver sleeps at night. A bed, w**king-pit.

Ch: “Ask me ma, aah wez in me crib.”

Eng: “My mother will vouch that I wasn’t out last night, officer.”

cush adj. Shortened form of Cushty,

meaning good or cool. For extra emphasis, the words double, or puar (pure) can be inserted before it.

Old Charver joke: “Me telephone number’s two-six-one, double-cush, double-cush.”

deek v. To look. Charvers don’t like being looked at, hence:

Ch: “What yee deekin’ at? Hev a got a telly on me heed?”

Eng: “Are you looking at me?”

doilum n. A Charver term for someone of below average intelligence. By anyone’s standards, that’s a complete imbecile. Also know as a ‘dafty’.

ducks A*** n. The filter of a tab that has been moistened with the spittle, pus and phlegm of the dozen or so drooling charvers who’ve shared it. This also applies to the roach in a spliff.

eeenaaar n. The call of the female Charver, when asked if she’s got any tabs or booze. (Literally, “Oh no!”) Many males have now adopted this ‘word’ as a term of endearment for their girl-folk. Hence:

Ch: “This place is chokka with eeenaaars.”

Eng: “There’s lots of ladies here with no money.”

fog n. First.

fog-on v. This is the call of the caring Charver, who’s seen you light a cigarette and wants to spare you the trauma of inhaling the last few cancerous draws before it reaches the filter. If there’s two Charvers you’ll hear the shout ‘Sec’; and if you want to see a fight, flick a half-smoked tab into a bus-stop full of them.

friskin' To joke, or to take the mickey.

Ch: "I wez ownly friskin' ya, man"

Eng: “Perhaps you’ve missed the humour in what I just said.”

gadgie n. Like many Charver words this is of gypsy origin, and means ‘old man’. Hence girls may say: “Divvn’t fancy yours, he’s a puar gadgie.”

Charvers on the rob use the word to describe a security man.

Ch: “Gan canny, the gadgie’s got a durg.”

Eng: “If you burgle that factory, you’ll get the night-watchman’s Rottweiler on your A***.”

geet adj. Literally, ‘great’ – but in Charver use has become a meaningless amplification in any sentence: “Ah geet went doon the Spar shop to buy some geet lager, but the geet nunney wot works there wouldn’t serve iz.”

The word has been corrupted on parts of Tyneside to ‘git’, in which sense it’s also used to exaggerate something.

Ch: “You’re git thick, yee.”

Eng: “I sometimes wonder about your intelligence.”

gluey n. A sniffer of glue – one of the lowest life-forms known to Charvers. Even smackheads view them with pity.

graft v. In normal Geordie parlance, this means work. When an unemployed Charver goes ‘on the graft’, they expect to make some money by other means. See also, On A Mish.

Ch: “Is your Darren still on the graft’’?

Eng: “I’ve noticed a lot of broken windows down our side of the street, when will your son start on the other side?”

greef v. To be giving someone unnecessary hassle.

Ch: Divvn’t grief iz, it’ll still smurk.

Eng: Given time, this spliff will be smokeable.

heed the baal n. Literally, ‘Head The Ball’. Someone with a damaged head, perhaps a bit mad:

Ch: “He’s a proper heed the baal, him.”

Eng: “I’d watch that knacker, if I were you.

hew adv. Can also be pronounced 'how'. Nobody knows or cares what it means: it’s used so frequently in Charver conversation, it’s the equivalent of a grunt. Example:

Ch: “Ah divvn’t knaa aboot ye, hew, but aam gan yairm, hew.”

Eng: Eh?

[tex]

i always thought geordies were whats left of the picts when they left back north - leaving the ones who didnt know they had left cos they couldnt understand what they sed? and mackems... hmmmm.. did anyone mention monkey hangers in here anywhere? people from hartlepool who hung a monkey during the war due to it being a suspected spy...

i would guess thats probably nearer to where makems came from - those who couldnt understand the picts and needed help to speak ape..        

[Fat Albert]

Honest mods, I was just 'avin a giraffe