JeffC Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 yeah I know its an oldy, but I tittered when I was sent it today... >A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took > himself off to the > doctors "Doctor, I don't feel too good," said the > little paper bag. > > Hmm, you look OK to me," said the Doctor, "but I'll > do a blood test and > see what it shows, come back and see me in a couple > of days." > > The little paper bag felt no better when he got back > for the results. > > What's wrong with me?" asked the little paper bag. > > I'm afraid you are HIV positive!" said the doctor. > > No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!" said > the little paper > bag. > > 'Have you been having unprotected sex?" asked the > doctor. > "NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little > paper bag!" > > "Well have you been sharing needles with other > intravenous drug users?" > asked the doctor. > "NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little > paper bag!" > > Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a > jab or a blood > transfusion?" queried the doctor. > NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little > paper bag!" > > Well", said the doctor, "are you in a homosexual > relationship?" > NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just > a little paper > bag!" > > Then there can be only one explanation." said the > doctor.................. > [scroll down] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > This is good - wait for it......... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > "Your mother must have been a carrier" Quote
jak Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 A very attractive lady goes up to the bar. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard. Are You the manager?" she asks softly caressing his face with both hands. "Actually, I'm not," says the man. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues,running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck and nip at them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say around her delicate fingers sliding in and out of his mouth. "Tell him," She whispers, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap or paper towels in the ladies room". Quote
rossi Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs,get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes Up, and yells at me for staying out so late." His friend looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say!, WHO'S HORNY?!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep! Works Every Time!! Quote
pistonbroke Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 Husband goes up to his wife who is lying in bed reading a book , Here you are dear , he says . what's that youve got she replies Its a cup of tea and 2 paracetamol for you dear ! 2 paracetamol says she , looking confused , why the paracetamol ? Why my dear, there for your headache ! What headache ? she says ! I haven't got a headache ! wayyyyyyyyyyy hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy says the husband, as he dives on Quote
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