steve_m Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Does anybody know which DVD the Fork Handles sketch is on ? Thanks Quote
Barry Ashcroft Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 You mean this one THE TWO RONNIES Of all the sketches performed by The Two Ronnies, my favourite sketch is 'The Hardware Shop', commonly called 'Four Candles'. Here are the words and actions for that sketch: In a hardware shop. Ronnie Corbett is behind the counter, wearing a warehouse jacket. He has just finished serving a customer. CORBETT (muttering): There you are. Mind how you go. (Ronnie Barker enters the shop, wearing a scruffy tank-top and beanie) BARKER: Four Candles! CORBETT: Four Candles? BARKER: Four Candles. (Ronnie Corbett makes for a box, and gets out four candles. He places them on the counter) BARKER: No, four candles! CORBETT (confused): Well there you are, four candles! BARKER: No, fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks! (Ronnie Corbett puts the candles away, and goes to get a fork handle. He places it onto the counter)CORBETT (muttering): Fork handles. Thought you said 'four candles!' (more clearly) Next? BARKER: Got any plugs? CORBETT: Plugs. What kind of plugs? BARKER: A rubber one, bathroom. (Ronnie Corbett gets out a box of bath plugs, and places it on the counter) CORBETT (pulling out two different sized plugs): What size? BARKER: Thirteen amp! CORBETT (muttering): It's electric bathroom plugs, we call them, in the trade. Electric bathroom plugs! (He puts the box away, gets out another box, and places on the counter an electric plug, then puts the box away) BARKER: Saw tips! CORBETT: Saw tips? (he doesn't know what he means) What d'you want? Ointment, or something like that? BARKER: No, saw tips for covering saws. CORBETT: Oh, haven't got any, haven't got any. (he mutters) Comin' in, but we haven' got any. Next? BARKER: 'O's! CORBETT: 'O's? BARKER: 'O's. (He goes to get a hoe, and places it on the counter) BARKER: No, 'O's! CORBETT: 'O's! I thought you said 'O! (he takes the hose back, and gets a hose, whilst muttering) When you said 'O's, I thought you said 'O! 'O's! (He places the hose onto the counter) BARKER: No, 'O's! CORBETT (confused for a moment): O's? Oh, you mean panty 'o's, panty 'o's! (he picks up a pair of tights from beside him) BARKER: No, no, 'O's! 'O's for the gate. Mon repose! 'O's! Letter O's! CORBETT (finally realising): Letter O's! (muttering) You had me going there! (He climbs up a stepladder, gets a box down, puts the ladder away, and takes the box to the counter, and searches through it for letter O's) CORBETT: How many d'you want? BARKER: Two. (Ronnie Corbett leaves two letter O's on the counter, then takes the box back, gets the ladder out again, puts the box away, climbs down the ladder, and puts the ladder away, then returns to the counter) CORBETT: Yes, next? BARKER: Got any P's? CORBETT (fed up): For Gawd' sake, why didn' you bleedin' tell me that while I was up there then? I'm up and down the shop already, it's up and down the bleedin' shop all the time. (He gets the ladder out, climbs up and gets the box of letters down, then puts the ladder away) Honestly, I've got all this shop, I ain't got any help, it's worth it we plan things. (He puts the box on the counter, and gets out some letter P's) How many d'you want? BARKER: No! Tins of peas. Three tins of peas! CORBETT: You're 'avin' me on, ain't ya, yer 'avin' me on? BARKER: I'm not! (Ronnie Corbett dumps the box under the counter, and gets three tins of peas) CORBETT (placing the tins on the counter): Next? BARKER: Got any pumps? CORBETT (getting really fed up): 'And pumps, foot pumps? Come on! BARKER (surprised he has to ask): Foot pumps! CORBETT (muttering, as he goes down the shop): Foot pumps. See a foot pump? (He sees one, and picks it up) Tidy up in 'ere. (He puts the pump down on the counter) BARKER: No, pumps fer ya feet! Brown pump, size nine! CORBETT (almost at breaking point): You are 'avin' me on, you are definitely 'avin' me on! BARKER (not taking much notice of Corbett's mood): I'm not! CORBETT: You are 'avin' me on! (He takes back the pump, and gets a pair of brown foot pumps out of a drawer, and places them on the counter) Next? BARKER: Washers! CORBETT (really close to breaking point): What, dishwashers, floor washers, car washers, windscreen washers, back scrubbers, lavatory cleaners? Floor washers? BARKER: 'Alf inch washers! CORBETT: Oh, tap washers, tap washers? (He finally breaks, and makes to confiscate his list) Look, I've had just about enough of this, give us that list. (He mutters) I'll get it all myself! (Reading through the list) What's this? What's that? Oh that does it! That just about does it! I have just about had it! (calling through to the back) Mr. Jones! You come out and serve this customer please, I have just about had enough of 'im. (Mr. Jones comes out, and Ronnie Corbett shows him the list) Look what 'e's got on there! Look what 'e's got on there! JONES (who goes to a drawer with a towel hanging out of it, and opens it): Right! How many would ya like? One or two? (He removes the towel to reveal the label on the drawer - 'Bill hooks'! Quote
Barry Ashcroft Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Signed Lithograph Four Candles Sadly I can't find he clip on any DVD don't think the BBC has released one with the "Four Candles" on it according to Amazon.co.uk Barry The Sketch Is On This But It Is VHS Not DVD Quote
steve_m Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 That's the one I need it on DVD for my Dad - anybody know which DVD ? I'll buy all 3 of them anyway but I would like to know that this sketch is on at least one. This even beats Richie teaching Eddie how to play cards . . . five kings Or the chess sketch where they invent the Esther Rantzen drink. Quote
Barry Ashcroft Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 God I Am Good Found It For You Enjoy ps I,ll have a copy please if you can Barry Quote
Barry Ashcroft Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Found the full sketch as a story board Just keep clicking next Quote
Lurksalot Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 In the same vein (Copied from a previous post0 Overheard somewhere near wolverhampton.............. brickie-- can you deliver all those bricks and some mortar dye ? merchant --- No ,I can deliver all those now and some more tommorrow Quote
Lurksalot Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 a lorry driver turns up at the Westfield factory for a delivery but there's not a lot to offload .............. ................................ Hello driver your a bit light today No I'm not , I'm early pretty much a true story but I'll still get my coat Quote
Buzz Billsberry Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Barry get some help ... you've lost it man!! Quote
Numptie Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Steve, Right click / save target as... Cheers, N Quote
SADDLEWORTH Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Steve, Right click / save target as... Cheers, N Classic watching Quote
nlash Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Another in the similiar fashion... Peter Kay rings up his local Indian takeaway and asks.. "do you deliver?" Indian answers, "no, but you can have Chicken, Prawn or Lamb" Quote
oldman Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Av you got any x.Yes in fact weve got m & x .Think that wos the basis of another R'ne sketch Quote
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