O/T Election fun - daft policy proposals

[Frau Vesty]

Further to reading these comedy manifestos, I reckon we could get together our own election manifesto.  What should we include?

I think that pavements should have fast and slow lanes, with on the spot fines for sudden stopping.  

Baseball caps may only be worn when it is sunny and should only be worn facing forwards.  They should also be subject to tax, along with flat caps.

[Blatman]

Women aren't allowed to stop in doorways or at the foot of escalators/stairs to gossip...

[zoso]

Students who nick road signs/cones/bollards should be made to take them back the next day when sober, or alternatively stand in previous position of piece of road furniture and do it's job. 9-5 for 2 weeks.

bl**** students.

[steve_m]

Everybody should stand upright when shopping.

Everybody in a shopping centre should walk in straight lines, not weave all over the place.

Speed cameras to be banned, replaced with real plod with helicoptors to catch the real criminals.

All GM food and products to be burned and the GM scientists impaled on spikes outside Universities.

All 15-22 year olds to be given tablets implanted under their skin which make them ill when they drink alcohol.  Self removal of said tablets to be punished by public flogging and re-implantation.

Compulsory driving test every 5 years.  Driver training to be a compulsory 10 week course including skid pan, country roads, town centres and motorways.  Much stiffer driving tests.

Any kind of hunting or fishing for fun to be banned and punished with public flogging.

No tax on pension funds.

Buy British campaign.

Teachers to be encouraged to "clip the ear" of nuisence kids.

Children to go to their local school, none of this choice business that doubles the traffic on the roads at 8.30am and 3.45pm.

[zoso]

All 15-22 year olds to be given tablets implanted under their skin which make them ill when they drink alcohol.  Self removal of said tablets to be punished by public flogging and re-implantation.

naaahh...

[Liam]

Miserable wimmin who deliberately pull infront of you and stop in a queue of traffic when you are trying to pull out of a side road should be made to wear shell suits from Oxfam and drive beige Volvo 340's until they become more curteous.

Grumpy Old Men Party

[Frau Vesty]

Someone else has suggested the following:

All fast food to be clearly labelled: "warning: may contain traces of real food"

Girls must wear a red hat on the days leading up to their period. And a blue 'all clear' hat right afterwards.

Fox hunting is to stay legal but the hunters must spend every Friday night in the middle of Moss Side wearing a sign that says, 'I've got more money than you'.

[davidgh]

Motoring Manifesto  --  3 little thoughts………

£200 fine and 3 points for drivers of HGVs remaining in the outside lane of a two-lane dual carriageway for more than 1 mile.

Insurance to apply to the vehicle, whoever is driving; and insurance vignette to be displayed on windscreen beside road tax.

Abolition of front number plates.

[Frau Vesty]

We'll have no sensible suggestions in this thread please  

[Liam]

Girls must wear a red hat .

Thought that meant 'no knickers'  

[V 8]

Teachers to be encouraged to "clip the ear" of nuisence kids.

.........when they get the spelling wrong!!

[Frau Vesty]

Apparently Jack Dee suggested that A&E waiting times should be directly proportional to the stupidity of the accident  

[davidgh]

A&E waiting times should be directly proportional to the stupidity of the accident  

A sort of *targeted* national implementation of the Darwin Awards  

[davidgh]

We'll have no sensible suggestions in this thread please  

Can't be sensible    Sensible suggestions would have been implemented by our sensible   government.

[Coxy]

All immigrants to be tested before being allowed entry to England.  Anyone who cannot recite at least 5 Monty Python and/or Fawlty towers sketches to be immediately sent to live in France.  Anyone who passes this test is deported anyway on the grounds that they probably cheated

Liberal/mamby pamby tax.  New tax on all mamby pamby do gooders, linked to the amount of lentils they consume.

Stella to be provided on the NHS

Free fuel for two seat open top sports cars with a name that begins with W

Displaying Burberry in a public place to be criminalised offenders to watch the public burning of their Burberry whilst being pelted with rotten fruit.

Speed cameras on motorways to prosecute anyone travelling at less than 50 mph on unrestricted carriageways.  Technology to be developed to catch tail gaters, lane hoggers and cars with neon washer jets.

Jade Goody and Jordan to be first Britains to walk on the Sun. (no steve_m NOT the newspaper    )