Fat Albert Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Q: How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One - but he has to wait until the light gets better. Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One .. Two, and a-one two three four Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen. Q: How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32....... Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. You can do it yourself, dammit. Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them. Q: How many LA cops does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Five: One to screw in a new bulb, and four to beat the crap out of the old one. Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. It's a hardware problem. Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent. Q: How many Jewish grandmothers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. I'll sit in the dark. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me.. Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is. Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six - One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs. A: Two, one to screw in all the bulbs he has until he finds one that fits, and the other to tell you he thinks he'll have to replace the whole socket. Q. How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? A. 10....1 to change the lightbulb and 9 to say a man couldnt do it any better. Q. How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? A. One...but the lightbulb has got to want to be changed! Q. How many jazz guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ? A. Six. One to change it and five to wonder how Pat Metheny would have done it Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. 2, the trick is getting them into the bulb. Q. How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Five - one to change it and four to sing about how good the old one was. Q. How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? A. One. She just holds the lightbulb and waits for the world to revolve around her. Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A. A fish. Quote
Numptie Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 How many Caterham owners does it take to change a light bulb? One, to hold the light bulb ... and the whole world revolves around them. Quote
GuyH Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. It's a hardware problem. Glad someone understands! Quote
Cam Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 How many men does it take to change a light bulb in the kitchen? None, let the b*tch wash up in the dark makes rapid exit Quote
old(wo)man Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 How many internet newsgroup subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? 1,331 !! 1 to successfully change the light bulb and to post to the newsgroup that the light bulb has been changed. 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. 53 to flame the spell checkers. 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb". 6 to condemn those 6 as puerile. 156 to write to the newsgroup moderator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this newsgroup. 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames. 109 to post that this newsgroup is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb. 203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped. 111 to defend the posting to this newsgroup saying that we are all use lightbulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this newsgroup. 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty. 27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs. 14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs. 3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this newsgroup which makes light bulbs relevant to this newsgroup. 33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too." 12 to post to the newsgroup that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy. 19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three." 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ. 44 to ask "What is a FAQ?" 4 to say "Isn't there always a FAQ on Usenet?" 43 to ask "What's a Usenet?" 41 to propose a new newsgroup alt.change.lite.bulb. 47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, send it there. and... 1 to add "changing lightbulbs...who sang that" Quote
Frau Vesty Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 I think it's what you have every night, madoldlonmanwo Quote
old(wo)man Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 It's like you think you're 5 people, but really they're all just you Quote
Camel_Landy Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Q - How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light bulb? A - Who needs light bulbs when you have Windows...... Mark. Quote
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