Vodka Scooter

[Richgm]

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night

drinking and thought, 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you

try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your

house.

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a 'Vodka Scooter.'

The Vodka Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to

the drunk by Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired

a large batch of these magical devices. The Vodka Scooter works in the

following fashion: The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness

and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one

of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a

winged Vodka Scooter.

The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom

via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large

portion

of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the

second questions after a night out, 'How did I spend so much money?'

Unfortunately, Vodka Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought

to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking

Injuries),

such as bruised legs, poorly toes and a sore spot on the top of your

head.

An undocumented feature of the Vodka Scooter is the destruction of time

segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals

dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This answers

a third question after a night out, 'What the hell happened?'

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of

Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes,

in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately

one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite

often, lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the

Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to

the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.

For the young ladies, Vodka Scooters come equipped with flowers picked

from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These

boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tiptoe

up

the stairs, you are sure to wake up your downstairs neighbours. Special

anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house

and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the

bruised shins.

The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the

TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can

apparently get through 260 stolen Marlboro Lights in a single night,

regardless of whether or not said person is a regular smoker or not.

P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably

get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a small

outfit.

Vodka scooters, wonders of modern technology...have you ever had a ride

on one??!!

[mikehreynolds]

i think the vodka scooter bares a close resemblance to the tequila taxi that i regularly use to get home!!

[Buzz Billsberry]

Never used one me self. I've always relied on my Hover Shoes and beer goggles!

oh and the ability to speak pure b*****k to taxi drivers just in case me hover shoes are  malfunctioning. Failing that I always go for the donkey!

[mikehreynolds]

Oh god not your famous donkey story again!!!

[Westfields Rock On]

I heard about this crazy guy who rode a donkey through a town once when he was drunk.

I dont think its true though.

[Mark Stanton]

Tis very true           Along the A38 from the Stakis Hotel into Bromsgrove                

[Scottish Bloke]

Ahhhh the Vodka Scooter. bl**** marvelous.

Mines is the SE version which takes me to the kebab shop.

I am considdering upgrading soon, all the same features but with one special featre

NO KEBAB SHOES    

[neilb]

the ability to speak pure b*****k

you must have spent so much of your life p1553d that you have now got this ability all the time