GWatson Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Acura NSX- I am impotent. Alfa Romeo - I’m looking for Beta Juliet. Audi TT - I love golf, but I love my car (with no space) more. Audi A4 - Airhead who wants to be a banker, but is already a merchant . . . BMW 3 series - I’m a successful sole trader & I can’t drive. BMW 5 series - I have a successful limited company & I can’t drive. BMW 7 series - I get other people to do my work, I’m far too important, but I still can’t drive. BMW Z3 - I eat bananas with Marmite spread on them & passed 3 GCSE’s. BMW Z4 - I run a trendy wine bar & have drunk most of the profits. BMW Z8 - See Nissan 350Z Chevrolet Chevette- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette. Chevrolet Corvette- I'm in a mid-life crisis. Chrysler PT Cruiser - I dig graves & carry coffins. Citroen AX - I chew on Barley straw & enjoy stamp collecting. Citroen C3 - I want to escape to the jungle where life is free. Citroen C5 - I have dreamed of conquering Mount Everest, but then thought it best to get a real job. Citroen Picasso - From Essex, also see Renault Scenic. Citroen Saxo - see Ford Fiesta. Dodge Daytona- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car. Ferrari 360M - I need a counselling session with Jerry Springer. Ferrari 575 Maranello - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending. Fiat Uno - I’m a student waster. Fiat Brava - Daddy buys my cars, one day he’ll buy me an MR2. Fiat Bravo - I drive my low budget company car. Fiat Espace - I live on a council estate; also see Renault scenic. Fiat Multipla - I have no taste; also see Renault scenic. Fiat Punto - I have product overload on my hair & consider Pizza Hut an Italian restaurant. Ford Cougar - I secretly steal street signs, I have them arranged in my back garden & at night it looks like aliens have landed. Ford Escort - I’m a wannbe boy-racer, but in secret I buy pot plants for my mummy & take my Grandma shopping every week. Ford Fiesta - Hairdresser, no sense of direction. Ford Focus - I’m a boy-racer disguised as a sensible office worker at the weekends I'm a curry monster!! Ford KA - I’m a student & can’t afford a Fiesta. Ford Maverick - I’m cute, gay & immature and I love peanut butter. Ford Mondeo - I’m a family person posing as a business manager. Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in school zones. Ford Orion - I like to cut shapes into potatoes and give them to the homeless. Ford Sierra - I still think LA Gear trainers are “cool” & prefer it when my mum ties my shoelaces. Ford SportKA - I’m a geezer-bird/Silly little boy who doesn’t know what real rally car looks like. Ford StreetKA - Half a convertible is better than no convertible at all. Ford Puma - I want a sports car, but won’t pay the money for it. Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit. Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming. Honda CR-V - I’m a friend to the animals & I talk with my mouth full. Honda Jazz - I’m a train-spotter who’s been arrested several times for stalking the trains. Honda NSX - I’m stuck in the 80’s & never eat my greens. Hyundai Coupe - I still have acne, but honest it’s just the teenager in me trying to get out. Isuzu Trooper - I fancy Dale Winton. Jaguar XJ6 - I’m so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year. Jaguar XK8 - I’m immature and have more money than brain cells. Kia Sephia- I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp. Lada Favourite - I’m a member of the Taliban seeking asylum in Great Britain. LandRover Discovery - I’m a rich mum, who can’t drive. Lexus LS400- I’m psychic, I knew they’d be as good as a Merc one day. Lotus Elise - I dance like an ape & I love watching porn. Lotas Elan - I go on 18-30’s holiday’s to see how the other half live! Lotus M250 - Definite liar!!** Mercedes SLK- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph. Mercedes 560SEL- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole. Mazda MX5 - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18- wheeler. Mazda RX7 - I know how to treat myself. MGB- I am dating a mechanic. MGF - I’m too short to drive any other car. MGZR - I’m a computer geek & make mohair wigs as a hobby. MGZS - I’m a posh ginger who claims to be strawberry blonde. Mini - I’m from Essex, no more needs to be said. Mitsubishi Colt - I smell of cheese & shop in Liddles, Aldi’s, Pound stretcher etc. Mitsubishi Carisma - I have all the charm of a lion in captivity. Mitsubishi Evo 6 - I was an extra in Fast & the Furious (honest). Mitsubishi Evo 8 - See Nissan 350 Z. Mitsubishi Shogun - I’m insecure, eat steak for breakfast & I want a LandRover. Nissan Micra - I work for M&S, Tesco’s, Wallmart, etc. Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings. Nissan Skyline - I love speed and I don’t care who knows it, I also have a 3 page list of criminal convictions. Nissan Terrano - See Ford Maverick. Nissan 350Z - I’m a liar! * Peugeot 106 - I have the most independent and exciting life, I’m also vain & live in a dream world. Peugeot 205 - I hang on street corners at the weekends & keep a machete under my passenger seat. Peugeot 206 - I wash my car every weekend & I’m on my 2nd marriage. Peugeot 206cc - I’m two faced and will try and run all you wasters off the road. Peugeot 305 - I deliver pizzas for a living. Peugeot 307 - I’m an accountant, I’ve found a car that suites every purpose & no purpose at the same time. Peugeot 405 - I have a job in the civil service & play poker at the weekends. Peugeot 406 - My girlfriend has to wear Elizabeth Duke Jewellery so I can afford this car. Peugeot 505 Diesel- I am on America’s Ten Most Wanted List. Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me. Porsche 911 - I have a small p*nis, my car is my substitute. Porsche Boxter - I still live with my mum & treat women like sh*t. Renault Clio - I love my Daddy. Renault Laguna - I’m always drunk, drunk, drunk! Renault Megane - I’m a lottery winner honest, ok so I only got 5 numbers. Renault Scenic - I haven’t heard of contraception. Rover Metro - I spend all day watching Friends & ER, I also like egg mayo and Tuna sandwiches. Rover 100 - I’m an OAP who always drives at least 20mph under the speed limit. Rover 200 - I’m too bland for German cars & I never pay my rent on time. Saab 9-5 - I definitely have more money than sense or taste. Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic) Seat Alhambra - I can’t cook, have rotten teeth & live on a council estate in Bromley. Seat Ibiza - I want to be model, but I have no chance unless I bed the photographer. Seat Leon - My boss hates me, that’s why he gave me this as a company car. Skoda Fabia - I can’t afford a Volkswagen. Skoda Octavia - I wear Bart Simpson ties to impress . . . nobody! Smart Roadster - I collect Mars Bar wrappers, I have one dating back to 1948. Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more than a life. Subaru Impreza - I’m just a poser & I want to get shagged. Suzuki Vitara JLX - I’m a Barbie girl, in my Barbie world. Suzuki Gran Vitara - I laugh like a demented dog & wear my underwear inside out. Toyota Avensis - I’m a cabbie & have robbed many liquor stores. Toyota Corolla - I wear the same underwear all week long. Toyota MR2 - I’m far too old to be driving this, but at least the women I pull aren’t. Toyota Rav4 - See Suzuki Vitara JLX. Toyota Starlet - I like to be different & not in the good sense. Toyota Supra - I can do no wrong. Toyota Yaris - I’m a failed student; also see MGF. TVR Chimera -I’m blind and consider Dodgy Ice a hard-nut drink. TVR Tuscan - I keep picking up mingers, once had a bird with 3 tits. Vauxhall Astra - I’ve just got onto the property ladder. Vauxhall Corsa - I’m single, but at least I’m not a hairdresser. Vauxhall Frontera - I’m going through my mid-life crisis & want to own a Winnebago. Vauxhall Nova - Essex-boy-racer & drug-dealer, has had more speeding fines than hot dinners! Vauxhall Vectra - I’ve been a butcher, a baker & a candlestick maker. Vauxhall VX220 - I can’t see my feet, as my balls are too big. Volkswagen Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns. Volkswagen Golf- I am out of the closet. Volkswagen Golf Convertible - I’m still hiding in the closet, but one day. . . Volkswagen Polo - I own my own salon, but use too much salt on my food. Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife. Volvo S40 - I’m getting a personalized plate to compensate for not having a Merc. Quote
oldman Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Catering Van...mmmm burgers anyone. Robin Hood....mmmm Friar Tuck Westfield...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Kronenberg Quote
Westfields Rock On Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 I think my dad's past posing and wanting to ******* any skirt that comes along. Quote
Gromit Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Ford Cougar - I secretly steal street signs, I have them arranged in my back garden & at night it looks like aliens have landed. So thats where all the flamin signs in Aberdeen have got to. Evenin Graeme. Quote
GWatson Posted October 28, 2004 Author Posted October 28, 2004 Evening Phil, Volkswagen Golf- I am out of the closet. What's that they say about Golf drivers I would never have guessed..... but the truths out now G Quote
barney Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Mmmmm doesnt say anything about Bedford Rascal pickups *insert own gag here* no prize at all for the best one Rubble Quote
Bananaman Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me. Where are these big haired women....... Quote
studbuckle Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 BMW 7 series - I get other people to do my work, I’m far too important, but I still can’t drive. Ford Escort - I’m a wannbe boy-racer, but in secret I buy pot plants for my mummy & take my Grandma shopping every week. Ford Mondeo - I’m a family person posing as a business manager. Skoda Octavia - I wear Bart Simpson ties to impress . . . nobody! . So I started off as someone who got people to do my work (yeah right) progressed to wannabe boy-race (ok I admit that) To a family person (hmmmm) and i'm about to start wearing bart simpson ties.... i think not but I am wearing paddington bear tie today (gulp) Quote
Bananaman Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Where's the Autin Allegro........... Vauxhall VX220 - I can’t see my feet, as my balls are too big. I knew that this was the car for me........... Quote
jonlewis Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Nanas has proven that the system works ! Trying to Impress and then Big Balls... Perfect Quote
Bananaman Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Nanas has proven that the system works ! Trying to Impress and then Big Balls... Perfect What about the Allegro...... Quote
chrisbin Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 So..... I have a successful limited company & I can’t drive, I’m a friend to the animals & I talk with my mouth full, and I’m blind and consider Dodgy Ice a hard-nut drink. Quote
jonlewis Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 I just thought that Allegro and Bananaman needed no explaination Quote
Buzz Billsberry Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Renault Laguna - I’m always drunk, drunk, drunk! Jeeeeeesus this is so untrue especially with me !! I'm gettin' 407 soon so that will prove I don't get drunk Buzz Quote
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