Pepi Posted February 8, 2002 Posted February 8, 2002 The reason women can't reverse is because they are forward thinkers !! At least thats what the wife tells me !! Quote
Mrs Westy Posted February 12, 2002 Posted February 12, 2002 Fairytale for women of the 21st century Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauted frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: .................................... I don't ****ing think so. Mrs Westy Quote
westy Posted February 12, 2002 Posted February 12, 2002 OK thats your quota done - get off the boardroom woman Quote
Keith Scarfe Posted February 12, 2002 Posted February 12, 2002 I think we need a separate forum for jokes like on blatchat, but until then...... Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven ... don't step on the ducks." So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same punishment as the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, tan, muscular, and with good hair. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" And the guy says, "Well, I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck." Quote
Paul Hurdsfield - Joint Manchester AO Posted February 19, 2002 Posted February 19, 2002 Keith are you suggesting we COPY blatchat :0 Quote
gee_fin Posted February 19, 2002 Posted February 19, 2002 Next thing we'll be having an orange background, K Series vs Vauxhall arguments invading every single thread and multiple reviews of the best polish..... Quote
Mrs Westy Posted February 22, 2002 Posted February 22, 2002 ...anyway, back to the jokes... Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A. Shoot him again. Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung? A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. Q. Why do little boys whine? A. Because they're practicing to be men. Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. OR Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy. Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? A. Because not one will stop and ask directions. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A. To stop the snoring before it starts. Q: What's the best way to kill a man? A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one. Q: What do men and tights have in common? A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch! Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe. Q: What is the difference between men and women... A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Q: How does a man keep his youth? A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals" Mrs Westy (Disclaimer: none of the above applies to the very lovely Westy ) Quote
gee_fin Posted February 22, 2002 Posted February 22, 2002 A lesson for us all - There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says,"I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money. Which one does he marry?" . .. ... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ......... .......... ........... ............ ............. .............. ................ ................. .................. ................... .................... ..................... ...................... ....................... ........................ ......................... .......................... "The one with the biggest breasts" ( Well duh! ) Quote
russbif Posted February 25, 2002 Posted February 25, 2002 What does an Essex girl say when she wakes up in the morning "Do you all play for the same team ?" Russ (from Southend) Quote
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