chrisbin Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 > > A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary clinic. As she laid > > her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to > > the bird's chest. > > > > After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said "I'm so > > sorry, Polly has passed away." > > > > The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean you haven't done any > > testing on him or anything. He might be in a coma or something." > > > > The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning in > > a few moments with a beautiful black Labrador. > > > > As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind > > legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the parrot > > from top to bottom. > > > > He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. > > > > The vet escorted the dog from the room and returned a few moments later > > with a cat. The cat jumped up and delicately sniffed the bird. The cat > > then sat back, shook it's head, meowed and ran out of the room. > > > > The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but, like I said, your > > parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably dead." > > > > He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a > > bill which he handed to the woman. > > > > The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. > > > > "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS!" she cried. "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS > > just to tell me my bird is dead?" > > > > The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only > > have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan....it's £150! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Cox Posted April 4, 2003 Share Posted April 4, 2003 Bob and Bill, the 2 local illiterate idiots wanted some excitement in their lives. Bob heard an extreme sports article on the radio and immediately went down the pet shop (all will become clear). Bob left the pet shop with a wriggly bag, picked Bill up and went to the nearest cliff edge. Bill watched Bob take a chicken out, say goodbye and jump off the edge. Several seconds later, Bob hit the ground, at which point Bill shouted "Bob, are ye alright. I told you dat hen gliding wos b*****k*". Several months later, Bill had recouperated enough to try again...for the second time Bob left the pet shop with a wriggly bag, nipped home, then picked Bill up and went to the nearest cliff edge. Bill watched Bob take a parrot out of the bag and produce a pistol from his pocket. He said goodbye and jumped off the edge. Halfway down he shot the parrot. However, funnily enough, several seconds later, Bob hit the ground, at which point Bill shouted "Bob, are ye alright. I told you dat parrot shooting wos A***". Several months later, unbowed though with even fewer brain cells, Bill had recouperated enough to try again...for the third time Bob left the pet shop with a wriggly bag, nipped home, then picked Bill up and went to the nearest cliff edge. Bill watched Bob take a budgerigar out of the bag, say goodbye and jump off the edge. Guess what, several seconds later, Bob hit the ground, at which point Bill shouted "Bob, I told you dat budgie jumping wos a load of old toss". Luckily, for your sanity, Bill died this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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