BigSkyBrad Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 Haynes Workshop Manual Terminology Translated into Common English Haynes: This is a tight fit. Translation: Clamp with mole-grips then beat repeatedly with a hammer. Haynes: As described in Chapter 7... Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start. Now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox. Haynes: Pry... Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into... Haynes: Undo... Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40. Haynes: Retain small spring... Translation: PINGGGG - "Jesus, where the hell did that go?" Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb... Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part. Haynes: Lightly... Translation: Start off lightly and build up ‘til the veins on your forehead are throbbing then clamp with mole-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer. Haynes: Weekly checks... Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it. Haynes: Routine maintenance... Translation: If it isn't broken, it's about to be. We warned you. Haynes: One spanner rating. Translation: An infant could do this... so how did you manage to **** it up? Haynes: Two spanner rating. Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, teensy weensy number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you). Haynes: Three spanner rating. Translation: Make sure you won't need your car for a couple of days. Haynes: Four spanner rating. Translation: You're not seriously considering doing this yourself, are you? Haynes: Five spanner rating. Translation: OK - but don't stand anywhere near it again. Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this... Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Haynes: Compress... Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on it, throw it at the garage wall, then find some mole-grips and a hammer... Haynes: Inspect... Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one" Haynes: Carefully... Translation: You are about to suffer deep abrasions and/or burns. Haynes: Retaining nut... Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust. Haynes: Get an assistant... Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know. Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal. Translation: Yeah, right. But you swear in different places. Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs... Translation: Snap off... Haynes: Using a suitable drift... Translation: Clamp with mole-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer. Haynes: Everyday toolkit Translation: Hammer, mobile phone Haynes: Apply moderate heat... Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother. Alternatively, clamp with mole-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer. Haynes: Index Translation: List of all the things in the book, bar what you need to do. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim RS Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 Last item gets my vote, ******* book. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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