Light relief---F1 (A gentle parody).

[DonPeffers]

     Formula One.

 

The most successful country in Formula One history with 19 championships from 10 drivers is (fanfare) Britain.
Second is Germany with 12 championships from 3 drivers.

The current champion is British and was a talented singer and stage performer who had been in the musical Hamilton. He drives the silver car called a Merks as it's built by famous ex-racing cyclist Eddie Merks.

Zee bast ian Fettle (harshly named in some peoples' eyes) had earlier driven the blue car with great success despite often crashing from driving angry. He now drove the red car (called forRoary) and despite using the same tactics, had much less success.

A young newcomer, Max No Stoppen, (from the Land of Nethers) now drove the blue car. He was so talented that when his team said he must come in for tyres he refused as he (correctly) knew best. His team was called Red bullrunning, based in Pamplona.

It had been hoped that an American driver would join the race series and his name was John McLane. He was Law Enforcement's version of Rab C Nesbitt...a bit of an alky who wore a dirty simmit. He defeated criminals by using extreme language. Sadly he failed his driving test when he went off road and bounced thru Central Park leaving diehard fans disappointed.

Orthodox racing theory stated there was only one racing line around a circuit but an innovative Hungarian engineer called Scalextric Slotcar, discovered and demonstrated an alternative line. The blue cars were especially skilful exponents of his method.

Cars became ever faster and more dangerous so to make things safer someone had the 'bright idea' of fitting a snow plough scoop at the rear to slow them down. Sadly lack of visibility thru the scoop sometimes meant rear-end shunts occurred when going slower behind the 'safety car'.
It was decided to make a 'switchable gap' in the scoop to aid vision and luckily it aided overtaking as well.

This method of overtaking is known as DRS (dire racing spectacle).

If drivers broke the rules, officials overseeing enforcement would issue penalties. Penalties did not apply when the two cars were from the same team. Who can forget the dramatic crash between the two silver cars driven by the champion and then teammate Niko Iceberg? Instead they were caned by team boss Toto who was from Africa.

Some naysayers said F1 was not exciting but they had never watched a postal chess match nor televised fishing and were just carping.

When it came to going 'round in circles, Britain led the World.

Rejoice at that.