Nemesis Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 Has any one on here ever done a week in a boat on the Norfolk Broads?? I've been voluntold by the Sage to be the driver, cook & bottle washer for a week with the Bicker-In-Laws and the dog. I know I shouldn't complain as it's a free week away and I quite like the dog, but they are both as deaf as posts and refuse to use their hearing aids, so when they Bicker it all happens twice, any verbal assault is followed by "what"...... and repeat, it drives me utterly insane ! Anyone got any advice on a route for the week, starting and finishing at Stalham ? I'm happy to put in 5 to 8 hours cruising a day (I'd go for 12 to 14 hours a day, but being around the Bicker-In-Laws I'm not sure I can stay sober for that long). The route will need to allow occasional access to riverbanks for der hund's output functions? Any advice and offers of medication would be greatly appreciated. As a thankyou I will post a video of der hund doing a very slow (because he's so old) fall down and play dead after being shot with a loaded finger.... he's never been taught it by any of us and we're utterly baffled as to where he picked it up from. Nem........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim RS Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 Maybe you could start the holiday with "walk the plank" game😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 We did it twice with the kids but has to be 20+ years ago now. We did pub meals most nights and found that if you weren't parked up by 2.30pm you couldn't find a mooring anywhere within walking distance of a pub. Mind you was school holidays so madly busy and even quite processional at times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Colonial Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 I was about to give you advice regarding Norfolk broads but then found out after reading your post we were talking about very different things. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blatman Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 12 hours ago, Nemesis said: so when they Bicker it all happens twice, any verbal assault is followed by "what"...... and repeat, it drives me utterly insane ! Anyone got any advice Wear earplugs Sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemesis Posted July 2, 2020 Author Share Posted July 2, 2020 I tried that..... we were in Madeira, I had my extremely nice Zenneiser earphones plugged firmly in my ear canals, but to no avail, it ended up costing me thousands of pounds..... I went back to SCUBA diving ! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonk179 Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 We need dear hundred video 🐶🐶🐶🐶 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonk179 Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 Der hund, Bxxxxy predictive text 😡😡😡 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemesis Posted July 2, 2020 Author Share Posted July 2, 2020 I'll take that video tomorrow...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemesis Posted July 9, 2020 Author Share Posted July 9, 2020 I told you all.... I quite like the dog. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemesis Posted July 9, 2020 Author Share Posted July 9, 2020 Oh.... and here’s Der Hund...... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Nemesis Posted July 14, 2020 Author Popular Post Share Posted July 14, 2020 I shall sign this thread off with a short report on the "holiday". Arrived and loaded the boat, no requirement to teach me how to drive it after the question "driven a boat before?".... "errr yeah, several the largest being 4500 ton submarines" We pottered off and before long the mother in law says "the dog needs to have a walk", "where are we?", "can you lift the dog on/off" "where are we now" and repeat. First night, the domestic water pump that was situated under our bed ran continuously....... until I found the fuse, that was then followed at regular intervals through the night with "can you switch the water on" after every visit to the loo..... and they not once managed to arrange a pee at the same time. "can you lift the dog on/off" Then the shower hose in our bathroom fell apart and got stuck in its storage tube, this rendered it entirely useful for washing hands but not at all useful for having a shower. "can you lift the dog on/off" I forget the specifics due to self medicating with lashings of beer, wine and spirits but after a day or two of not seeing any town or village that required more than 10 minutes to explore, I got the "is there anywhere to walk about and sight see/shop/go to the pub?", so I pointed the boat at Great Yarmouth, "can you lift the dog on/off" and when we arrived told the boatyard where we were for fixing the defects, a half day lost in Great Yarmouth Yacht Station waiting for a fixer person fit a new pump & shower hose, finished off by a walk about in biblical rain, Der Hund got so wet that he looked utterly miserable and he smelled worse than a moldy rug as he dried out, and to ice the cake so to speak, I got an ear bashing from everyone except Der Hund because the ladders on the quayside (being a tidal part of the river) were difficult to use. The following morning we left Great Yarmouth behind and motored all day to Wroxham, "can you lift the dog on/off" etc...(the equivalent of crossing the Atlantic in a 747), 10 chip shops, a toy store, a small supermarket and the worst pub meal ever. Overnight stay punctuated with "can you lift the dog on/off" etc... The following morning whilst I waiting for the marina staff to pump the effluent tanks I decided to give the outside of the boat a clean with the mop and some mild detergent, something that had been missed by the hire company before we collected the boat...... nothing too strenuous, just a gentle mop and microfiber to get the crud off...... tanks pumped, breakfast at a local cafe followed by a short motor downstream to a nice looking pub called "The New Inn" the plan was an early mooring and walk about, "can you lift the dog on/off"..... almost immediately I got assaulted by a grumpy swan, it didn't seem to like getting a slap when he went for me (totally unprovoked, it decided to attack just for fun) anyway we booked in for dinner with the warning that there was a limited menu..... Limited my rear..... superb food and great beer, oh the beer was good, did I mention how good the beer was? I seemed to have found a state of happy that no amount of "can you lift the dog on/off" was going to destroy, and I was soooooo looking forward to getting to bed..... however my "cleaning" of the boats exterior seemed to have removed the crud that was sealing the cut out in the roof (assuming from a re-fit of the engine) and our bed was now the same moisture content as the swamp that is Norfolk, and there was a steady trickle of rain water adding to it by the minute. "can you lift the dog on/off" Engineers called again (couldn't fault the poor lad who had to come and sort it)"can you lift the dog on/off" the roof re-sealed in the hoofing rain, the engineer had to go back to the boatyard to get us some non swamp bedding and we pulled out and made up what should have been a double bed in the saloon, however, this "bed" was never intended to be used following a downgrade of the boats passenger capacity, so some of the bits that made up the mattress were missing, I attempted to sleep in what I can only describe as a trench until the Sage (who is a slight thing) rolled over and the whole thing collapsed faster than an economy under COVID...... twenty minutes of teeth gnashing "can you lift the dog on/off" and the Sage suffering from hysterical laughter saw us sleeping on the floor with Der Hund, he's lucky I didn't evict him, his bed was comfier than ours, I woke up with Der Hund snuggled up to me, I drank several cups of coffee ate a bacon sarnie and promptly set about returning the boat early, but of course there was the "can you lift the dog on/off" even the drive home in our T5 camper was punctuated with "can you lift the dog in/out".... It's been a couple of days at home now, I'm feeling a little better thanks. Nem.............. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Colonial Posted July 14, 2020 Share Posted July 14, 2020 I’m sorry mate, I’m laughing my duck off right now. 🤣🤣🤣 I think we all saw disaster ahead but I’m sorry it came true. As Mel Brooks said, “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” Thanks for sharing, you’ve just confirmed why I’ll never hire a boat! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Loudon - Sponsorship Liaison Posted July 14, 2020 Share Posted July 14, 2020 The broads you say. All that water and you failed to complete 2 drownings 😄 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GaryD1971 Posted July 14, 2020 Share Posted July 14, 2020 I can confirm that not all of Norfolk is a swamp, just 90% of it. 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.