WORLD LEADERS and EVENTS (A gentle parody).

December 29, 2018

In America the leader was an older man who had built things, which many saw as good, as previously much was spent on Space and armaments and the Country needed repairs. The new leader was called TOP TRUMPS.
Older people cannot stand a lot of noise so when the young North Korean leader started playing with his very noisy rockets a shouting match ensued. However later they meet and discovered they shared a mutual interest in extravagant hairdos. They got on really well, the shouting stopped and everyone was pleased.

A blonde lady called MS ORAL DESTINY had made films for people called adults. She said she and the American leader had been to a fair, but he said not. Some people thought this might be feck news.

In America there were more guns than people and this made people so nervous they had to sleep with guns under their pillows. This nervousness resulted in many having to seek costly therapy from a private health system. Britain had very few guns which was just as well as our taxpayer funded health system couldn't afford readily accessible therapy. However Britain did have Gregs and comfort eating.

Meanwhile in Russia the leader, PUTIN, (so named because he'd been put in the job for life) had been re-elected. He was ex-KGB (karate green belt). Another country to the south west of Russia had experienced a nuclear power station explosion some years earlier which created a radioactive cloud--the country was called NUKE RAIN. The eastern part of the country was mostly Russian speakers and was called CRIMEAREA.
NUKE RAIN was quite bad at paying its gas bill to Russia so eventually PUTIN sent in the bailiffs to claim goods and they claimed the whole of CRIMEAREA.

This upset Western politicians, and especially the EU, who had hoped to reach 50 states and be the same as America. The EU had wanted NUKE RAIN to join as it has passed the poverty criteria, but that seemed unlikely now it was just half a country.

France had a new, young, energetic leader called RON MAC who was so young he was still at school. To reduce air pollution from cars and lorries RON increased fuel duty which many struggled to afford. The new tax went down with the poor about as well as the Guillotine at an 18 century Royal get-together. Before long the peasants were revolting (again) and buildings and cars were in flames creating more fumes than the tax was designed to avoid. RON then cancelled the new fuel duty; (when politicians do this it is NEVER A U-TURN and is called listening and responding to the needs of the electorate).

In Britain much comfort eating had resulted in our becoming the fat man of Europe (a title that infuriated the Belgians who thought it was rightfully theirs). The only way to stop being the fat man of Europe was to leave. After Britain had voted to leave the EU in DAVID of CAMEROON's EU NEVERENDUM, the new leader MOTHER THERESA had activated the withdrawal procedure and the exit date was 29 March 2019. As the EU had never intended anyone to leave, the exit door was very narrow and a minimum 2 year process was in place to allow Britain to slim down and fit thru the exit door. Some, including our PM, thought a longer transition to exit would be best. However Britain had a leading Brexiteer, a slim, aristocratic gentleman called JAKE of GREASE MOB. He was convinced we should just push our way out on 29 March 2019. Some opposed the idea saying this would be a very damaging 'broken :arse: Brexit' while JAKE said there would only be superficial bruising and no lasting damage.