Time for a new clock

[CraigHew]

• The other night I was invited out for a night with "the lads." I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"
  Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.
  Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up & Cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing she'd probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with her.
  The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, & I told her 12:00.
  She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
  Then she said, - "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh *****," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted....

[SootySport]

I don’t have to go through this rigmorale, just come home when i’m Done in.  Mrs is just so glad I made it back to base on my own.

You’ll get the idea after you’ve been together a few years more.

[pistonbroke]

likewise , my wife couldnt give a cuck what time I get home , as long as I dont wake her up 

[Blatman]

I've found that if I creep in after a night out, trying my best not to wake SWMBO, generally a "conversation" will ensue no matter what the hour or the capacity of alcohol riddled brain.

However, if I crash through the door, stomp up the stairs and exalt loudly "you're in for a good time tonight darlin'", invariably she'll pretend to be asleep...

[SootySport]

I got no chance of Performing after a skin full, just want to sleep.

[Blatman]

Stomping upstairs and exalting "you're in for a good time tonight darlin'" like a p1$$ed Brian Blessed is just about the only performance piece I can muster with a skin full...

[poliq]

No lock anymore