Had to chuckle

[andy665]

Sat quietly at the traffic lights this evening and a Mk4 Golf GTi pulls up alongside in the right hand filter lane.

First thought was that Google must be testing driverless cars in Telford until I realised the driver was of a certain type and had his seat reclined to almost horizontal

I hear a high pitched attempt  at the English language "I'm with you bro, Friday night innit"

"Pardon" says I

"Friday night innit and we iz out in our sports cars innit"

Stifling a laugh I respond "Its a Golf"

"Nah, bro, its a turbo innit, well rapid - beats everything bro"

Fortunately lights for straight on turn green and I tootle off smiling at the deluced nature of the poor bloke

 

[CosKev]

You sum Telford up nicely with that lingo

[MarkS2]

That story actually made me laugh out loud. At times I really do wonder what goes on in people's minds.

[Rory's Dad]

You can tell - there's nothing at all!!

[Man On The Clapham Omnibus]

In spring 2003 I was at a red light in my Westfield where there's two lanes side by side, but the right hand one is for right turns only. There's no obstruction to going ahead, no bollards, but the lane rapidly merges into the left hand one so if you're a bit cocky and use it to go straight, you'd better be quick. Anyway, it was dry and clear and in my mirror I saw a Kevved up Astra approaching from behind alongside all the diligent left lane sitters with every intention of using the right lane to beat the queue. The lights turned amber to green as he was almost alongside and still rolling at about fifteen mph, so I did a 'brisk' take-off as he was literally alongside. I next saw him in my rearview mirror, he was still halfway across the junction and courtesy of the Westfield's 0-60 squirt, I was fifty yards past the junction. No embarrassment to a legitimate right turner and no risk that he might be stuck in the wrong lane because of my actions. Just the embarrassment of being left standing. Very childish of me I know, but I hadn't had the car long and it was terrific fun!

[John K]

Brilliant story..!

Its a turbo so it must be a sports car. And just this week I was watching an old episode of Interceptors where a police driver was trying to explain to a yoof that driving lying down isnt exactly safe...

[Man On The Clapham Omnibus]

1 hour ago, John K said:

Brilliant story..!

Its a turbo so it must be a sports car. And just this week I was watching an old episode of Interceptors where a police driver was trying to explain to a yoof that driving lying down isnt exactly safe...

You may remember this excerpt from a Vauxhall owners' forum, posted by a delusional Corsa owner:-

Quote

I agree with your point, but the car is a little quicker than the standard SXi and so I felt the SRi badges were appropriate. It only carries 1 person, Me. It has no extra weight in the car, all glove compartments, cubby holes and the boot is empty. The rear exhaust may or may not add power. It has only ever run on Optimax, I know you get more boost out if this fuel on bigger engined cars but every little helps. The tyres are always inflated to 38 PSI to give extra grip and less tyre slouch. Often I put the rear seats flat, this reduces weight. (Like why you crawl flat across a frozen pond so as not to break the ice). I regularly drive with around £10 of fuel, again weight saving, and often I use engine cleaner in the fuel load to remove debris from the fuel injectors. The car is always clean improving aerodynamic progress. I have timed the 0 - 60 at 9.3 seconds, and this shaves a couple of seconds off the standard time. Hope this answers your question. 

 

[CraigHew]

PMSL

[Dave Eastwood (Gadgetman) - Club Chairman]

20 minutes ago, Man On The Clapham Omnibus said:

Quote

I agree with your point, but the car is a little quicker than the standard SXi and so I felt the SRi badges were appropriate. It only carries 1 person, Me. It has no extra weight in the car, all glove compartments, cubby holes and the boot is empty. The rear exhaust may or may not add power. It has only ever run on Optimax, I know you get more boost out if this fuel on bigger engined cars but every little helps. The tyres are always inflated to 38 PSI to give extra grip and less tyre slouch. Often I put the rear seats flat, this reduces weight. (Like why you crawl flat across a frozen pond so as not to break the ice). I regularly drive with around £10 of fuel, again weight saving, and often I use engine cleaner in the fuel load to remove debris from the fuel injectors. The car is always clean improving aerodynamic progress. I have timed the 0 - 60 at 9.3 seconds, and this shaves a couple of seconds off the standard time. Hope this answers your question. 

 

Oh God, I think I've just lost all faith in humanity*, and the will to live, in one easy forum post. Just remembered why I'd only ever frequent certain areas of MigWeb when I had a VX engine. (Fairs, fair, even the members there would be incredulous at this sort of post, but you still got them.

*and not because of the original posters lack of understanding, I just think here in the 21st century, in a country that led the world in the industrial revolution, with science and technology for so many years, I can't believe we've let out children down so badly that this sort of thought is the result.

The only saving grace, is that there's so much wrong with that paragraph, I'm going to choose to believe it's a wind up, rather than a reflection of how we've failed.

[John K]

13 minutes ago, Man On The Clapham Omnibus said:

I regularly drive with around £10 of fuel, again weight saving,

Don't mock the lad - he's got a point. I've found that taking a laxative saves weight and improves my power to weight ratio.

I didn't actually laugh, I just sighed and shook my head. At some point said Interceptor will pull him over and can you imagine trying to talk some sense into him. I would pay good money to see that on TV

20 minutes ago, Man On The Clapham Omnibus said:

Often I put the rear seats flat, this reduces weight. (Like why you crawl flat across a frozen pond so as not to break the ice)

I mean if he's tried to argue it changed the CoG or the weight distribution then perhaps we could see some evidence of a thought process.

Please help me forget I just read this, please make it go away. I'm tempted to report this post to get it hidden to save others from seeing it...

[John K]

2 minutes ago, Dave Eastwood (Gadgetman) - Club Secretary said:

The only saving grace, is that there's so much wrong with that paragraph, I'm going to choose to believe it's a wind up

I did think the same but experience with the yoof of today does lead me to think its genuine.

Pick a deity of your own choice and pray to them very hard for the future of the human race...

[Dave Eastwood (Gadgetman) - Club Chairman]

Someone once pointed me towards the film Idiocracy (fun, but starting to look frighteningly prophetic!)

[Man On The Clapham Omnibus]

I'm not sure it is a wind-up because there's very little sign of tongue-in-cheek, and the writer, despite his pot-plant IQ, is reasonably articulate. I suspect he really believes what he writes. 

[Dave Eastwood (Gadgetman) - Club Chairman]

[Steve (sdh2903)]

The whole traffic light dash is an odd affair. I've recently had a fiesta ST for 2 years (a prime yoof car) and never once throughout it's ownership can I recall a traffic light grand prix situation. The fez went back in April and swapped for a new golf gti. Bit too pricey for a yoof and much more subtle yet I'm getting chavs try it on at very regular intervals?? Maybe the chavs are aware of the golf's lardy posterior and think they have more of a chance.

I did get the same when last out in the Westy by a pillock with a yaris with a monster exhaust. I found it so amusing I let him go wheel spinning off in to the distance.