Phssthpok Posted October 12, 2002 Author Posted October 12, 2002 Two lovers sitting on a park bench and the woman whispers in her man’s ear, “Darling, do you love me?” “Yes,” he replies without hesitation. “Darling, will you love me when I’m old and grey?” “Yes,” he replies without hesitation. “Darling, will you love me when my body is lined and wrinkled?” “Yes,” he replies without hesitation. “Darling, would you die for me? He hesitates, then says, “No, mine is an undying love.” Takes a bow, and acknowledges the applause Quote
Noel Johnson Posted October 12, 2002 Posted October 12, 2002 A vampire is running through the dark wood when he gets struck with a small sandwich, a coctail sausage and a prawn vol-au-vent. This final attack with the seafood pastry renders him un-conscious. His asailant bags the vampire and takes him to Dr Van Gooswing the esteemed vampire hunter. "who are you?" he enquires "Im buffet the vampire slayer" I thank you Quote
Phssthpok Posted October 12, 2002 Author Posted October 12, 2002 If that joke was a horse, they'd drag it outside and shoot it. Quote
Mark Stanton Posted October 12, 2002 Posted October 12, 2002 Where's that 12 bore I'll do it - methinks Noel is suffering from the bends Quote
ricdiggle Posted October 12, 2002 Posted October 12, 2002 Ok, this one is really bad, We used to have a Dog with only 2 legs. We called it cigarette because every night we used to take it outside for a drag. Quote
damianc Posted October 12, 2002 Posted October 12, 2002 Q: why are elephants big, grey and wrinkled? A: Because if they were small, white and round they'd be aspirins Quote
brianm Posted October 12, 2002 Posted October 12, 2002 Darling, how about trying some new positions tonight?--- OK honneybunn, you stand behind the ironing board, and I'll lie on the floor farting!!! Quote
Phssthpok Posted October 13, 2002 Author Posted October 13, 2002 A man goes to visit his doctor, "Doc, I've got a rather embarassing problem, my farts just don't sound right," "Well how do they sound?" enquires the doctor. "They make a HONDA sound" The doctor looks puzzled, "Hmm, is there anything else I should know?" "Well I also have a terrible boil on my A***," replies the man The doctor looks pleased, "Thats it then. We'll lance that boil and you'll see a difference immediately," "Why's that then, Doc?" asks the man "It's well known," laughs the Doctor, "Abscess makes the fart go Honda." Quote
mogwi Posted October 13, 2002 Posted October 13, 2002 Two chilli peppers walking home get badly beaten and end up in A&E, one only suffers minor concussion and others in a Korma Quote
Blatman Posted October 14, 2002 Posted October 14, 2002 I have a son.........apparently................. I do know who he though.............but I'm not sure who his mother is Hello Son Nice to see you here.......... Quote
stu999 Posted October 14, 2002 Posted October 14, 2002 What do you call a fly with no wings? A Walk! What do you call a fly with no wings and no legs? A Currant! Quote
Phssthpok Posted October 14, 2002 Author Posted October 14, 2002 Q: What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits your windscreen A: It's ar*e. This "joke" was brought to you courtesy of the cretaceous period Quote
stu999 Posted October 14, 2002 Posted October 14, 2002 Husband and wife were lying in bed one night. The Mrs puts down her book, turns to her Hubby and asks "Darling, you know it's my birthday soon. I was thinking.....would it be alright if I had a breast enlargement?" The husband looks at her, amazed. "Jeez woman, that costs thousands! Why don't you do it the cheap way?" "How do you do that then" asks the Mrs. "It's easy. Just rub toilet paper up and down your cleavage morning and night" She looks perplexed. "That wont work, will it?" "Well it seems to of worked perfectly well on your " Quote
Noel Johnson Posted October 15, 2002 Posted October 15, 2002 What's got 4 legs and flies? A dead horse! Well you did ask for it Quote
markg Posted October 15, 2002 Posted October 15, 2002 Q: how do you make a cat go wooof ? A: tip petrol on the fecker then light it ! Quote
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