Do people ever listen to what they say..?

[John K]

Spent a few days in London this week at the UK head office and we had to sit through all the American "Rah Rah we are great BS" in the team meetings.

 

Anyway, they got round to talking about the "Book Club Reading List" for the month.

 

This is something supposedly voluntary where the management recommend a book for us to read that will "make us better corporate citizens"

 

Now I do want to point out I do not take part, as I said it is voluntary and after 48 hours when HR took me down from the ceiling hook and removed the electrodes from my nether regions, they accepted I didn't want to play.

 

So I'm listening to them all going through what they've read and plan to read and once the session ends I get out my Samsung phone Kindle thing and go through the books I have.

 

A few Tom Sharpe, a few Clarkson, "The Psychopath Test" & "Snakes in Suits" (all about corporate nutters and needless to say they didn't get the irony...) and then I got to "How to Build and Power Tune Weber and Dellorto DCOE and DHLA Carburettors"

 

I was asked to pop it up on the big screen. I explained I have a kit car and after a few bewildered looks from round the table one of them said...

 

(And remember this is the guy who admits to reading management books on his days off)

 

"Man, you've really got to get yourself a hobby"...

[Stuart]

Do you play bullsh*t bingo at those sessions John?  Make a list of the cliches that you think might be used and if they all do get used - Bingo!  Better with multiple players but still works on your own

[Arm]

Lol I like that one. bulls*** Bingo could be good for a bit.

[s2rrr]

Blue sky horizon, glass ceiling, nano diversity, inclusivity, bs bs bs bs. Why don't they admit they haven't a clue. Have done the bs bingo with a couple of colleagues at several meetings and the results were brilliant certainly kept us focussed on the game plane

 

Bob

[Robin Parker (Red Spider) - Yorkshire AO]

Like, yah, ok I hear what your saying.

[Man On The Clapham Omnibus]

I'm glad I'm not involved with these people who frown a lot and take themselves SO damned seriously. I knew one who had the text below on his office wall and yet was the most pompous bloke I can remember. His surname, even, added to it: 'Devine' (sic)

 

 

The Indispensable Man

(by Saxon White Kessinger)

Sometime when you're feeling important;
Sometime when your ego 's in bloom;
Sometime when you take it for granted,
You're the best qualified in the room:
Sometime when you feel that your going,
Would leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow these simple instructions,
And see how they humble your soul.  

Take a bucket and fill it with water,
Put your hand in it up to the wrist,
Pull it out and the hole that's remaining,
Is a measure of how much you'll be missed.
You can splash all you wish when you enter,
You may stir up the water galore,
But stop, and you'll find that in no time,
It looks quite the same as before.  

The moral of this quaint example,
Is to do just the best that you can,
Be proud of yourself but remember,
There's no indispensable man.

[John K]

Right now I really do resent the swear filter...

[Man On The Clapham Omnibus]

Que? Not something I posted I hope? T'was put up in the spirit of knocking corporate speak and those who trot it out. 

[SootySport]

The last corporate do dah Roadshow I went to , they had us playing with Lego bricks and speaking a funny language of corporate phrases, all of which non of us miniums hadn't a clue what the directors were talking about.   The good thing was, the venue was at Duxford Imperial War Museum and most of us slid out of the meeting after lunch and went for a free tour around the aircraft exhibits which we all found more interesting.

 

Another thing I noticed is the newer junior management boys all have these long pointed shoes. I did point out to one of them, in my day they were called Winklepickers.  The reply was -  "That's disgusting Bernie, how could you say such a thing"

 

Our Chief Operations bod got quite a lot of "Booos" during his 'Into the future ideas speech' from the Engineer massive, he was a bit taken aback by the response, I just laughed, think I'm a marked man now  .

[John K]

"Que? Not something I posted I hope? T'was put up in the spirit of knocking corporate speak and those who trot it out.  :getmecoat:"

 

LOL, no I meant that I really wanted to say how I really felt reading your post and recognising so much of it as what winds me up.

 

If I had written what I was thinking, I would have been banned into at least 2022...

 

And @ Sooty, I know what you mean, even without opening my mouth, my body language says what I'm thinking.

 

Most of the time I feel like the last gopher hopping about at the end of the firing range...

[pistonbroke]

Years back in the day , me and a workmate were given the afternoon off to attend a seminar at the St Georges Hall , Liverpool , we arrived early and called in to the "legs of man" pub for a quick pint , which turned into 2 then 3 then 4  .... you get the picture , we never did make it to the Hall , but it turned out to be the best seminar I never went to.

[Man On The Clapham Omnibus]

Years back in the day , me and a workmate were given the afternoon off to attend a seminar at the St Georges Hall , Liverpool , we arrived early and called in to the "legs of man" pub for a quick pint , which turned into 2 then 3 then 4  .... you get the picture , we never did make it to the Hall , but it turned out to be the best seminar I never went to.

 

I have never been in a pub in Liverpool. The reason? In the mid-eighties I was driving about the general Liverpool area seeing customers with an installer (security equipment) from Greasby, when lunchtime loomed. I spotted a pub by the roadside in a district of the city unfamiliar to me (like most of it!), and said to my companion - a friend as well as customer - "that place serves food; it says so outside".  He looked critcally at my suit and tie and said in his strong Irish accent:

 

"Let me rub your jacket in the mud and rip your shirt before you go in." 

"Why?" says I

"Cos as sure as f**k you'll come out like it if you go in dressed loik that!"

 

It sort of put me off pubs in Liverpool...

[pistonbroke]

Aye Clive but you could point the finger to at least one pub to steer clear of in practically any major town or city , worldwide 

 

sadly the Legs of Man is no more , it was a well known pub on Lime Street,  one of the old Tetley Houses and next door to the Empire Theatre   demolished when the "Emp" was extended

 

Perhaps you were just in the wrong place on the wrong day but I can see how it might put you off the beer .

[Man On The Clapham Omnibus]

Oh yes, Bernie, I am freely admitting my unfamiliarity with city pubs in general, not specifically Liverpool's. But chum Mike's vehement advice stuck with me ever since.  I think he enjoyed basking in the reflected glory of Liverpool's image viewed from south of Watford Gap - he was Irish after all!

 

My son lives in south London and my Good Lady and I wandered into a pub next to his flat in Tooting High Street for lunch one Sunday. When she quietly pointed out two blokes at a nearby table (one on the other's lap) snogging I realised the risks of picking city pubs at random! The lunch was excellent, and bar staff very friendly and attentive even with their purple Mohicans and lurid tattoos. Sadly the Trafalgar Arms is now a building site - more flats.

[markc555]

Ahh corporate BS, don't you just love it   I particularly dislike those motivational posters with words of wisdom under an inspiring image.

 

"Demotivators", from http://despair.com/collections/demotivators, are a great antidote, some of them are genius