Captain Colonial Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Feel free to add your own below... Man goes into a chemist and says: "I want to buy some deodorant." "Ball or aerosol?" "Neither. I want it for my armpits." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Kinder (Bagpuss) - Joint Peak District AO Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Scott, as he's gone into the shop twice, I can only assume it's for both armpits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Man goes into the chemists and says "Can I have a hot water bottle, please" Chemist says "Sorry, we don't have any. Have you tried Boots" Man says "Yes, but the water comes out of the laceholes" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Kinder (Bagpuss) - Joint Peak District AO Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 A blonde walks into a chemist and asks for some rectum deodorant.The pharmacist explains to the woman that they don't sell it.Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this chemist on a regular basis for years and would like some more."Do you have the container it came in?" asks the pharmacist."Yes," said the blonde and she hands it to him.He looks at it and says, "this is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container..."TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Kinder (Bagpuss) - Joint Peak District AO Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I went to get my Viagra from the chemist, but they accidentally gave me Tipp-Ex instead.I now have a massive correction! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Banks Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Instead of 10ml of Tipp-Ex, I ordered 10L..! Big mistake... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Banks Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Completely not an old joke but... Why Windows 10? 'cos seven ate nine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Faulkner Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac that couldn't get to sleep wondering if there was a dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue ass fly Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Doctor told me he has good news and bad news Whats the bad news Your terminally ill So whats the good news Oh the good news is for another patient Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I accidentally swallowed a few scrabble tiles earlier - my next sh*t could spell disaster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 This is probably my all-time favourite stupid joke. The bounty hunter rides into town and says, "Sheriff, I'm skint, who's your most wanted man?" Sheriff says, "That would be the Brown Paper Kid" Bounty hunter says, "How will I recognise him Sheriff?" Sheriff says, "Well, he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper jacket, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers, brown paper undercrackers, brown paper socks and brown paper shoes" Bounty hunter says, "And what's he wanted for, Sheriff?" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sheriff says, "Rustling" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John K Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 What's the difference between the colour pink and the colour purple..? The strength of your grip... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John K Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I was walking in the woods and needed a wee. Ducked behind a tree to relieve myself and unfortunately widdled on a wasps nest. Got stung on the end of my little soldier. Managed to get to the doctors and asked him "If he could take away the pain but leave the swelling"... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peet Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 My fave stupid joke.. A snowman says to another snowman...'can you smell carrots?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Faulkner Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 two parrots sitting on a perch and one says to the other.. can you smell fish? Think about it..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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