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Blatman

WSCC Life Member
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Blatman last won the day on June 26 2016

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About Blatman

  • Rank
    The Searchmeister
  • Birthday 14/12/2006

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  • My Location
    On a boat somewhere...

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  1. Blatman

    What a great headline.

    I'll be re-tuning to Virgin Radio. I prefer waking up with Chris Evans rather than Sara Cox or Zoe Ball... Er... hang on...
  2. Blatman

    It can be really handy, owning a Westfield

    To be honest I'm surprised mine is still visible.I was almost sure there was going to be "a quiet word" heading my way
  3. Well, if you're going to get deep in to a Haynes manual, you'll need some tools... HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and jackets. ELECTRIC DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in the bodywork, just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VICE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting light to various flammable objects in your garage. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a live axle/stub axle you're trying to get the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. PILLAR DRILL: A tall, upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whirls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouc...." HYDRAULIC JACK: Used for lowering a car to the ground after you have installed your new front brake set-up, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front chassis EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbour to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of earth straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle. BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night or in a garage. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Snap-On Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Sindelfingen, and rounds them off. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short
  4. Blatman

    Controversy over new local newspaper name.

    OK, I've found where I want to live when I retire
  5. Blatman

    It can be really handy, owning a Westfield

    Nothing wrong with a green woman...
  6. Blatman

    The “People Who Need A Slap” Thread

    You know too much about sewing... As for the yoof in his Singer flame thrower, film it a few times and send the video to the council and the cops. If he sees you filming it that alone might have an effect. Or maybe this will happen: Perhaps line your street with some kindling...
  7. I used to let Blatgirl take care of that
  8. Last house I owned was built on contaminated land with different contamination dating back to the turn of the 20th century, including munitions! Current dwelling is likewise built on a brownfield site and within 10 miles of me are two blocks of flats that are built on the sites of old petrol stations. I know this because I used to use the petrol stations. Steelworks sounds pretty tame to me!!!
  9. Next Business Day, surely? LOL used to be "Lots of Love" back in the day. P&G are going to fail spectacularly at this, unless they were trying to divert attention from something else going on at P&G at the time.
  10. Blatman

    F1 and Touring cars on TV today.

    Fixed that for you...
  11. Blatman

    Time for a new clock

    Stomping upstairs and exalting "you're in for a good time tonight darlin'" like a p1$$ed Brian Blessed is just about the only performance piece I can muster with a skin full...
  12. Blatman

    Time for a new clock

    I've found that if I creep in after a night out, trying my best not to wake SWMBO, generally a "conversation" will ensue no matter what the hour or the capacity of alcohol riddled brain. However, if I crash through the door, stomp up the stairs and exalt loudly "you're in for a good time tonight darlin'", invariably she'll pretend to be asleep...
  13. Blatman

    Chapman would have loved this

    Imagine putting a pair of Micron spannies on that
  14. Blatman

    Ridiculous sportspeople.

    There is much man wasn't designed for. Walking upright for example. But with training and preparation much can be achieved. With regards to the cycling, Froome was found to have a high level of salbutamol. I'm betting plenty of others had high levels too along with who knows what else. So if we were to take the little leap that most of the front runners were doping, Froome still beat them all. Maybe if they were all clean the result would have been the same but without lawyers. We'll never know. Surely though, whoever is prescribing the meds is as culpable as the athlete for taking them? How does one get a 2 year supply of (insert name of drug here), finish it in three weeks and then get another script filled? It's hard enough to buy a box of 24 Nurofen Plus without the pharmacist treating us (well me today) like some sort of opiate addict. Isn't there supposed to be checks and balances in the drug prescribing system? I'm sure there is a suitable painkiller for that. Just don't take too much of it. But if you do, remember this... I used to work for Sky
  15. Blatman

    End of an era for me

    Was it really 50 years at BT/Openreach, or did it just feel like 50 years?
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