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Captain Colonial

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Reviving an old thread by updating it and condensing it down…

 

#1: Any thread that is started where the author requests an opinion as to whether or not something they do or have done voluntarily is right or wrong, will end with the author concluding they were right, no matter how strongly the majority who gave said requested opinion disagree with the author's point of view.

 

#2: Any thread where the author states they are looking to purchase a tintop and then lists the cars they are willing to consider, will end after considerable debate, further models not on the list being suggested, and the author buying something utterly different from anything discussed or not purchasing a car after all and sticking with their current transport.

 

#3: Any thread that is more than three pages long will end with a subject totally different to the subject that started the thread.

 

#4: If a thread asks for a serious opinion it will not receive it - moreover, if the word "serious" apears in the title, it is open season for silly answers.

 

#5: When asking if option A or B is the better, the answer will always be that options C to Z are infinitely superior (depending on the respondent's deep seated fears and prejudices).

 

#6: Whatever the subject, no matter how well thought out and reasoned the subject matter is, someone will take the diametrically opposed view just to be contrary.

 

#7: Asking what your car is worth will always cause issues and invariably will not end well.

 

#8: Threads including references to unconventional dashboard instrument arrangement can only end in one way (see @Dave Eastwood (Gadgetman) - Club Chairman).

 

#9: There are more build diaries started than finished.

 

#10: If you, presumably with the knowledge that you're mechanically incompetent, cack-handed, or just not interested in the oily side of things, make the simple mistake of asking about good garages / mechanics for Westfield related service work, prepare to duck and cover as the outrage at not "doing it yourself, it's easy" pours forth.

 

#11: Any thread mentioning the word "Pinto" will also include the words "mighty", "anchor" and / or “boat”.

 

#12: Threads asking which engine is best will only result in complete disagreement.

 

#13: Threads arguing whether which of BECs or CECs are best will never be resolved.

 

#14: In any thread that mentions driving a Westfield in poor weather conditions, those who don't will only say that those who do are "mental", and those who do drive in poor weather may only refer to everyone else as "wimps".

 

#15: Whatever the tricky problem and no matter how many solutions are offered, the author with the problem will never come back and tell the members what was the actual solution to the problem was, leaving everyone following the thread wondering forever.

 

#16: All Westfields for sale were built by retired engineers and were never driven on a track or in the rain.

 

#17: Any claims to bhp figures, no matter how credible, will always be met with scepticism by other members unless supplied by an approved Westfield tuner and even then, those figures will have doubt cast upon their accuracy by members with identical engines producing less power.

 

#18: Any member who starts a contentious thread that gets so out of control that it requires Moderator intervention will shortly afterwards post another thread entitled, “Where did my thread go?”.

 

#19: Any post seeking to correct the grammar or spelling of a previous post will contain a grammatical or spelling error.

 

#20: Using the Search facility will result in getting you so sidetracked looking at other interesting threads that two hours later, you will have forgotten what you were searching for to begin with.

 

#21: An engine problem thread started in Tech Talk will invariably fail to state one or more of the following: engine type, engine size, or carbs or throttle bodies, distributor or ECU type, but will mention the age and condition of the battery.

 

#22: The Westfield you really want to buy will inevitably be at the farthest geographical point away from your home, ie. you live in Aberdeen and the car you want to buy is in Cornwall.

 

#23: When you buy your Westfield and arrive to drive it home, the weather forecast of bright sunshine will instantly change to thunderstorms, pouring rain, hail, and ten degrees colder.

 

You may add your own below, remembering to number them for everyone’s future reference.  (Please note that I reserve the right to edit as necessary or if it's not in keeping with the spirit of the thread - thank you.)

 

 

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#24: Despite swearing blind that, as a new owner, you won't change a thing, the engine, wheels, brakes and some bodywork will be for sale inside 6 weeks.

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Addition to #11.

All Crossflows must be referred to as "Mighty".

 

(List updated)

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