Tuesdays Joke

[Petemac]

This is lengthy so bear with it.

 

Dudley Zoo have a female Gorilla who is going absolutely crazy and won't let anyone near her to feed her, clean her cage and so on, baffled by her aggressiveness the Manager calls for a vet to come and visit, the vet arrives and explains what he is about to do, basically knock her out for 20 minutes or so while he checks her over. The Vet goes to the cage does his stuff then returns to the office, he explains the situation to the Manager...........She is in season and we need to get her mated as soon as possible this will calm her down, problem there says the Manager, we have no male Gorilla to do it, oh s@@t says the Vet, let's try another Zoo see if they have one, several calls are made no joy at all. Then the Manager has a brain wave!! I know what we can do, I'll ask Geordie if he will do me a favour I've heard he is rather well gifted in the trouser department and he may just be willing for a few bob, the call goes out and in comes Geordie, Geordie, says the Manager before  we go any further there's £500 quid in this, the Manager explains the situation and Geordie agrees to do the deed on 3 conditions.

 

1.  says Geordie, it has to done really early in the morning so no one sees me, ok,

2. ya need to put a curtan around it sa na one sees me go in just to be extra safe like ya na.

3. this ones the difficult bit gaffer.......what's that?

 

 

it will tak me a couple o weeks to raise £500 poonds.

[Captain Colonial]

If I didn't think it would be misinterpreted, I'd say that I didn't see that one coming.

[pistonbroke]

Would that be Geordie from Kent ?

 

who's tool was exceedingly bent ?

 

To save him the trouble , he put it in double 

 

and instead of coming he went ! 

[pistonbroke]

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”