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Captain Colonial

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Feel free to add your own below...

 

 

 

Man goes into a chemist and says:

 

"I want to buy some deodorant."

 

"Ball or aerosol?"

 

"Neither.  I want it for my armpits."

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Scott, as he's gone into the shop twice, I can only assume it's for both armpits  :laugh:

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Man goes into the chemists and says "Can I have a hot water bottle, please"

Chemist says "Sorry, we don't have any.  Have you tried Boots"

Man says "Yes, but the water comes out of the laceholes"

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A blonde walks into a chemist and asks for some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist explains to the woman that they don't sell it.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this chemist on a regular basis for years and would like some more.
"Do you have the container it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"Yes," said the blonde and she hands it to him.
He looks at it and says, "this is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container...
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
 

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I went to get my Viagra from the chemist, but they accidentally gave me Tipp-Ex instead.

I now have a massive correction!

 

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Instead of 10ml of Tipp-Ex, I ordered 10L..!

 

Big mistake...

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Completely not an old joke but...

 

Why Windows 10?

 

'cos seven ate nine.  :getmecoat:

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Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac that couldn't get to sleep wondering if there was a dog.

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Doctor told me he has good news and bad news

Whats the bad news

Your terminally ill

So whats the good news

Oh the good news is for another patient

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This is probably my all-time favourite stupid joke.

 

The bounty hunter rides into town and says, "Sheriff, I'm skint, who's your most wanted man?"

Sheriff says, "That would be the Brown Paper Kid"

Bounty hunter says, "How will I recognise him Sheriff?"

Sheriff says, "Well, he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper jacket, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers, brown paper undercrackers, brown paper socks and brown paper shoes"

Bounty hunter says, "And what's he wanted for, Sheriff?"

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Sheriff says, "Rustling"

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What's the difference between the colour pink and the colour purple..?

The strength of your grip...

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I was walking in the woods and needed a wee.

 

Ducked behind a tree to relieve myself and unfortunately widdled on a wasps nest.

 

Got stung on the end of my little soldier.

 

Managed to get to the doctors and asked him "If he could take away the pain but leave the swelling"...

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two parrots sitting on a perch and one says to the other..

 

can you smell fish?

 

 

 

Think about it.....

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